A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is extremely sociable and I am quite a withdrawn insular person. I work as a Consultant at a teaching hospital and deal with patients, friends, relatives and staff all day long and when I am at home I do not particularly want to go out, speak to or see anyone. I have a particular dislike of visiting people in their homes because you cannot escape easily without being rude and I can just about manage a meal out if it doesn't go on too long. My parents are dead and I have no family so I would not be asking my husband to visit people for me or reciprocate in any way. As he gets upset if I don't go on occasion, I will before we get there agree and limit the time we have to stay for with him in advance but invariably he goes over time, starts chatting and we end up there for hours. I then go into a mood on the way home and it ends in a big fight. I have never been sociable, do not enjoy meeting or spending time with his family or friends and ideally want to be left to my own devices. This is causing rows. I explain that I never ask him to accompany me to anything because i don't want to go anywhere anyway, but he just gets angry with me and says it is not a trade. I do not wish to become more sociable as it is pure turmoil for me but cannot cope with these rows. he is keen for me to go round to his sisters for tea but i know this will drag on and on and will not go. How can I explain tactfully that this is something I do not wish to do and with the limited amount of free time I have I do not want to spend it doing this without being completely offensive? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 April 2011):
 I sympathise because I am not a very sociable person myself. I assume your husband has known you are antisocial since he first met you so has something changed recently to make him want you to go out more?
Marriages require a little give and take to keep things sweet. Perhap you could compromise that you don't mind visiting family with him but maybe stay home when he goes out with friends.
A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (4 April 2011):
Me and my ex wife had a similar problem. She wanted to go out and I wanted to stay in. I think for a relationship to work you have got to find a comprimise or be unhappy with each other and fail as we did. I know it's not always that simple, but both have to work on a marriage - you know, give and take. If, on the other hand, it is a psychological problem with you that you don't want to socialise then maybe you need advise on it. There is nothing more frustrating though in your situation, I have been through it. I wish now that we had worked on it. Maybe then all the other problems wouldn't have followed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): A husbands is also that of a social companion....You need to get help to find out why you are so anti-social so you can at least come to a compromise with him..It is not healthy for an individual to just stay at home with their partner and not have friends, family or socialise...His family is an important part of his life and he cannot just isolate them just because his wife is not sociable...You have a problem and rather than tackle it you are burying your head in the sand and to all extent and purposes I dont think you want to seek help as you dont even know/admit you have a problem.....If your husband goes along with your 'insular' lifestyle he will become a lonely unhappy person and even his extended family will start to worry about his mental help...You need to get some help as to why your social skills are impaired, It is not like anyone is being nasty to you...why do you feel the need to'escape' people houses..Your words not mine by the way...Se a counsellor hun, this is impacting on your marriage and could cause a lot of problems later..Sort it out now ...And pulease dont say you dont have a problem cos you do, even if you are not hyper social an outing now and then and visiting family is good for ones social life...You are a part of his family too...Yo may be suffering from a form of depression(not saying that this is the factual case) but you need to seek some help
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