A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:can i just get people's opinions on this:If you'd been seeing a bloke for 6-7 months and you found out that previously (before he even got with you) he was registered on about 15 different sex sites, such as sexpals, quickflirt,sexsearch,marriedbutlooking, get laid tonight etc saying he has fetishes including orgies and group sex, would it make you think twice about being with him? I hacked into my lovers email account (because i don't trust him anyway as he has cheated on most of his long-term girlfriends) he doesn't know i know about these sites. I have checked the dates and he joined long before he and i got together. But what makes me really worried is that he was searching for people on a dating site around his area when he was with his ex-girlfriend. he told me apparently he had a very bad relationship with her and didn't love her. but he must have had something as he was living with her and had a nortgage with her! They also went to Mexico together 2 months after he'd been searching on the net.I also feel like i don't know him any more as he put really disgusting stuff like he wants a girl to speak really dirty while he is f**king her. He's never spoke that way to me. It makes me feel like i don't know him. Is he a pervert??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight now it's a hard one because he's denying that it was anything serious. He reckons him and his mate set the profiles up one night for a joke (yeah right! I know he's lying on that score!)
Also I know he hasn't actually been on these sites while he has been with me, but I feel it's only a matter of time as with his other serious relationships, when the relationship went downhill, he cheated on them and moved on to the next woman. He always has an excuse for this though, claiming the relationship was almost over.
He also run an ex-girlfriend's phone bill up by ringing sex chat lines- she told everyone and at the time I took it with a pinch of salt cos i'd thought I'd find out for myself what he is like.
I know men have different sexuallity to women. I know men can seperate sex from emotions etc, etc. This doesn't bother me. It also wouldn't bother me if I'd found out he'd had a lot of one night stands while he was single, that would be fine but this just seems really desperate and sneeky. Also the fact that the dates correspond to when he was with his last girlfriend.
What do the men think to this? Is this generally normal behaviour for a well balanced man?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I think I dated the guy you're talking about...or his twin brother at least! From someone who has LIVED everything you speak about, (I even recognise some of those sex sites) this will only end in pain and tears. I confronted this man about the sites and he said he was lonely and bored and hadn't had sex with his wife in years...well we had a healthy sex life, when I found he had left his email open..and guess what...he was corresponding with about 5 women from 5 different sex sites, using language I can only wonder about...
Please take my advice and run a mile, run run run!!
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A
female
reader, Cherulee  +, writes (9 July 2008):
Interesting! I know a little about how this one feels. Funny thing he was a complete gentelman and we connected. But there was the icky side I discovered over time. He had been married 5 times, had several past girlfriends, internet dating and group meet ups, he even told me about swinging with one girl.
I flelt this won't work out and that if I ever even moved in with him he would be on the internet sites while I was sleeping doing who knows what. He had the ICKY Factor as I called it, very powerful since I had done none of the above. Now it's not that I thought he was a weirdo, but I was not interested in that life style. To each his own, but not for me or my guy. I just want a regular weirdo since most men have some sexual issues or are different than women. I believe I am just as sexual as the rest, but it is different.
So bottom line there would always be trust issues. The ICKY factor. Is he cheating, is he playing poket pool at work, I couldn't do it. Maybe with another women...he still hasn't found no#6. We ended on differences in opinions and life style. But he never wanted me to do anything unusual either, who Knows I'll never know and that's a good thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for the replies. Can i just clarify that he has also been through my emails too! and my diary. and also the reason i don't trust him is cos he lied to me about being with someone else in the beginning of our relationship
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): As you say you don't trust him - if you can't trust someone after 6 months its probably best to call things a day and find someone you can.And thats even ignoring what you may feel about what you found.
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A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Yeah you really shouldnt look through his stuff ever without his permission. You obviously dont trust the guy nor respect him enough to give him his own space so I think you should just move on. Learn from this and keep it in mind for your next relationship.
If you really think the relationship is worth saving then tell him what you did and why you did it. Take it from there.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I think you should break up because you have so little trust in him that you invaded his privacy. It's very hard to have a good relationship when it starts without trust. My opinion is that I would be pretty disgusted if I found out my boyfriend was into orgy sex, etc. I think I would break it off if I was in your shoes. But technically, he hasn't cheated on you (that you know of) and what you did by snooping was wrong. (although, I can see why you did it!)
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