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My girlfriend likes porn a lot. Is this normal?

Tagged as: Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

At first, I thought male are more likely get addicted in watching porn. The case now is my gf likes it a lot. She even asked me to watch with her. At first, I thought that is a way she tell me how she likes it.

The more she get into porn, the more I don't feel easy. I don't mind her sexual desire is high. I guess I am lucky for that. But I afraid that she enjoy her fantasy more than anything else.

I don't believe her when she said she never do other position than missionary with her xs. The way she likes sex, I bet she tried all of it.

I don't actually mind her past but I am concern she will cheat when she need more and more sex. She masturbates everyday too.

Is it normal? Or should I talk to her? I don't know how to start this conversation with her without making her feel bad.

View related questions: her past, porn

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A male reader, MrDucky19 United States +, writes (25 February 2012):

It looks as if you're involved with a sexually-free, confident, emotionally-healthy woman in your life that cares for you. Totally AWESOME!! Most people wish they could be that comfortable with their sexuality. Painfully, most are ASHAMED of what they TRUELY desire and their desire is far more common than they even guessed. It all comes from sin=sex. Fucking awful consequences that idea created... :/ Psychology speaking, a general trend follows this pattern: "the more one is comfortable with themselves, the better life will be for them AND you. For example, if you ask her to change, and she does, it will only harbor resentment! and rightfully so! Guarantied, her thought process would be as followed: "If I'm not good enough for you now, than you believe you're settling. You don't like me as much as I like you...unless I change... I'll try it I guess"

And then, one day they'll realize they value you more than them AND you value yourself, more than them. They are stuck on the bottom of the totem pole for just being who they are.

It will not work.

I suspect it could be your own insecurities about sex that are causing the issue... After all, your ideal is what SOCIETY thinks is healthy. She is allowed to fit outside the norm. Hell, you got something unique! Her ideal, well, she just does it. Just seems easier, right?

Don't try and change her. LEARN from her. If you do that, what could you possibly lose?

Communication about your feelings/fears/concerns with her will help tremendously. Just be HONEST. If you bring up your concerns about her seeking out future partners because she's extremely sexual and you wont be able to provide, she can better understand how to make you feel secure. She can always be open with you and understand your sensitivity toward that issue. Common goal = trust. That only happens with mutual understanding.

Also, sexually free does not imply unfaithful. It means one knows and is comfortable of what they want in their sexual life. (which for her might contain being faithful to you + self stimulation (perhaps lots). Some sexually free people "swing." Just talk to her. Find out what she wants out of life.

Another thought, she obviously respects you enough to be honest. She is what she is, and ultimately, is letting you decide if you want to be with her. Her cards are revealed. If she was secretive, she would probably value her agenda over yours.... (not the best relationship cornerstone)

My last thought, if you feel she is pressuring you into something you're not comfortable with, than that is EQUALLY bad and nonfunctional. If that is the case, you should communicate your boundaries. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, the relationship is most likely doomed (unless somebody changes). I suspect, however, that this last senario is not the case.

Good Luck!

and no matter what, tomorrow is rarely as bad as we suspect

pss. horny women = SRSLY AMZNGLY HOTTT

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

Of course, but don't punch her around for it like my boyfriend would do if I were watching porn, especially naked men. And also, it's usually in the teen years and early 20s that most girls want sex and are sexually active.

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A male reader, look samurai dick United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2008):

it would scare me a bit. - i think porn has shaped the way i view my sexual relationships so i would be a bit freaked out if my girlfriend was more into porn than i was. especially if she was trying to act it out all the time.

all that said you'll probably have some great sex and you only live once!

you dont believe her about only sleeping with ex's in missionary -

you say you are worried that she might go off with someone else in the future- then that is an issue of trust.

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A female reader, Ne'cee +, writes (30 July 2008):

Ne'cee agony auntNo its not a problem. It is absolutely normal. I watch porn alot and masterbate on occassion, usually with my BF. Try watching with her and interacting with her while watching, so you dont have to feel she will go else where for sex. Yes, my bf had the same concern, thought since I was watching other men, one day I would want to be with another man. But that is clearly not the case. Be glad she is masterbating and not giving it away. Agian try to engage in it with her. It'll be fun. Good Luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008):

There are scads of posts here from women writing to say that they are uncomfortable with their man's porn and masturbation hobbies. You should look them up and read them for yourself.

But I'll give you the Coles Notes version: these women are told that the problem is theirs and theirs alone, that they are being insecure and controlling, that what their partner is doing has nothing whatsoever to do with you, that what their partner is doing is normal and healthy, that you need to participate in your partner's porn watching and masturbating sessions, that you need to find out what it is that your partner likes about those porns and incorporate it into your sex life, that you need to wow your partner with new sexy clothes and moves in bed. So. I guess the advice should be no different for you.

I'm curious: do you not jerk off every day? If you're like every other guy your age, I'm sure you do. If that's indeed the case, I have to wonder why it's ok for you but not for her... And just why should her having "tried all of it" be a problem?

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A female reader, Theoneandonlybutterfly United States +, writes (30 July 2008):

Theoneandonlybutterfly agony auntHell yell that is normal i watch it all the time when i have a chance and my boyfriend loves it!! That a girl dont have to hide that fact that she love to watch porn is great because I know alot of girl who say it's nasty but be watching it themselves and love it!!! So be happy that you got a freak woman!!

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A male reader, StudentOfLife Canada +, writes (30 July 2008):

StudentOfLife agony auntWhat age is your girlfriend? I was told that when they hit 23- 25 that's about the time they get the most sexually active.

And that's about the time most guys start to settle down.

Since I watch porn, I think it's perfectly normal. I don't think you should have trust issue just because she's watching porn.

I know some people who cheats on their partner and they don't watch porn. Know what I mean? It's not because someone watch porn that his/her chances of cheating are higher. I'm very loyal even if I'm a porn addict.

Why is it that every time we live happiness, our mind find ways to create problems.

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