| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I've been engaged to my girlfriend for 6 months now. Prior to our relationship she lived overseas for a couple of years and had a relationship with someone over there.Now she insists that she wants to go back over there to see his family for a week, she seems to be skirting round the fact that he will also be there. Needless to say I am very uncomfortable with it. I asked if I could go with her - which she refused, saying it wouldnt be right, even if I was staying in a separate hotel etc. She has also indicated that she intends doing this regularly in the future.She regularly has phone coversations with this man, maybe once or twice a week, and will often go out of the room to take the call.On top of all this, there is another man who she had a relationship with a couple of years ago who lives in this country who she also wants to meet up with - again saying I would not be allowed to accompany her. Its been the subject of major rows, she insists they are just friends, I should trust her and I am being too controlling, I think that she is being wholly unfair to me and the relationship. What do you think?
View related questions:
engaged, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (20 April 2006):
 It's true, you can't totally control somebody. BUT, there is an issue here. Why can't you go? If you're to be her husband, the man of her life, she should want you tomeet these people. If they are so close to her, they should also want to meet you. She seems a little too close to this guy. You can't force her to do as you please just because you insist, but, she should be open to seeing your side of the issue.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): This will be difficult for you to do, but you must allow her freedom. If the risk is that she may cheat or get back together with her ex, then so be it. You cannot control a woman (or a man) just because you don't want them to love someone else.
"Trust" is a relative word. Those who put ALL of their trust into their partners are fools. Those who don't trust their partners at all are distressing.
Just let her go. If she comes back, then obviously, she's 'yours'. If she comes back not 'feeling the same', then again, it was never meant to be. The more you leash her, the more she will resist, and the more she will resent you.
...............................
|
