| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years now. About six months ago we decided to move in together and try to blend our families. I have a 15 year old daughter who lives with me and two boys ages 13 and 9 who live with me on the weekends. She has a 7 year old son. Last weekend she moved out stating that her son wasn't happy and the house we were living in didn't feel like a home. She told me that she really wanted to stay together as a couple, but thought it was best if we slow things down a bit and try working on blending the children with a little distance. I am very hurt by her decision to do this and not work on blending the families and strengthening our relationship while living together. I don't know how to act around her anymore and feel very empty now that we are apart. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ingotblue  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Sometimes we need things said to us that deep down in our heart of hearts we already know.
It helps us to focus, I am glad I managed to voice your feelings, and so help you towards working this out.
All you need to do is try to win the trust of her child, let him know that while you arent trying to take the place of his dad, you will be there for him.
And never break any promises you make him.
Good luck xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you for your answer. I knew all of this stuff in my head, but knowing and accepting are sometimes two different things. It is a big adjustment, but it is one I have to make.
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A
female
reader, ingotblue +, writes (11 January 2007):
Hello, I know it is a small comfort but atleast she hasnt walked out of your life full stop.
She still loves you but she has one child to your three.
It could be that as he has been brought up as an only child he is not used to the hustle and bustle of having more children around him.
I think it is a good idea that she tries to get her son used to the other 3 slowly it must have been daunting to be thrust in to such an environment.
He is her son and as such she is his only point of control, can you imagine what it would be like to be in a busy house and to "loose" the only person you felt comfortable talking to because other people had taken your time with them.
She does love you so relax with her shes protecting her own, give it time and it will work just dont put any more preassure on her than you have to.
one night when the kids are in bed or out for the day sit her down and explain that you do understand how she feels in so far as protecting her own, that you love her and you want to be there for her and her son.
good luck xx
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