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writes: Hi everyone,.I hope some of you agony aunts and uncles can give me some advise.Last year I met a wonderful girl, she is a lot younger than me and we both had a few problems of our own, she had just come out of a relationship, although she assured me it was over. I had had some bad relationships and had been single for a few years.However we hit it off straight away, it was sheer bliss, aaawww they all say, but it was, didnt really believe in true love until this happened and she told me she felt exactly the same, we were both incredibly happy.Then her ex got back on the seen and I didnt deal with it very well, I got insecure about him despite all her reassurances. Then the inevitable happened and we broke up after a few months, this was after a blazing row. She was back with her ex the next day, for a while things were very confusing, I was actually seeing her too behind his back, until she finally put a stop to it. At the time she said she loved us both and didnt know what she wanted, I actually felt sorry for her.We did stay in touch however and this has proved increasingly difficult for me, I have accepted the fact that she is with the other guy, she tells me she loves him but still cares for me. My problem is that I love her so much and dont seem to be able to move on and stop loving her.It has gotten that bad lately that it is affecting my whole life, my life seems to revolve around the times when I get to chat to her, I am becoming paranoid about everyone and to be brutally honest I am so tired of feeling like this, I have gotten to the point where I just dont know what to do anymore.I realise that the above is a bit simplistic and it is, a lot has happened between us that I havnt mentioned but the important stuff is there.All I want now is to move on and hopefully meet another girl who will love me back the same.Any help would be appreciated, thanx.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
My heart goes out to you concerning this situation.I have known females like your girlfriend.She is in love with the "notion" of Love.Her life is full of drama.If she can't find drama...she will CREATE IT.You stated she was back with her ex boyfriend the VERY NEXT DAY after you broke up with her.That is a RED FLAG...a clanging warning bell to you !She is desperate to have a man in her life and cannot go without for even ONE DAY.She has low self esteem & seeks her identity in a man.She met you JUST AFTER another broken relationship & you hit it off RIGHT AWAY...you were both incredibly happy.Ok, you need to DEFINE what true happiness is, sweetie.This girl has a habit of RUSHING IN & OUT of relationshipsYou dated her for only 2 short months....Then her ex comes back & she gravitates towards him again.Your romance ends with her after a HUGE FIGHT...more dramaThen she decides to fool around with you at a later date.More drama...She says she loves you but doesn't know what she wants.She has told the truth about ONE ISSUE.She doesn't know what she wants...that's the truth.In the meantime, while she is trying to "find herself" she rips out your heart & feeds it to you...ooh that's nasty.Then she draws you back to her, but wounds you MORE & tosses salt on the wound by ending it "again"More drama...She tells you that she loves him but still cares for you.Do you feel that HOOK in your mouth starting to tug again?You feel constant confusion, doubt & chaos in your life.Where do you think those feelings are coming from?It's because she plays you like a YO YO !Up down, in and out...back & forth...all around.Your life REVOLVES around the time you spend with her.Don't forget..she leaves you & goes back to bed with him !More drama...But through all this....you feel sorry for her?Honey, what are you...some sort of martyre?If you TRULY want to get over this unbalanced dysfunctional destructive young woman...you need to change your thinking....and your attitude towards her.Tell yourself these things:1) I am BORED with these head games2) I deserve to be loved & happy3) I seek a healthy female who wants me & ONLY ME.4) I wanna get off this dangerous roller coaster ride5) I don't need constant drama to feel alive & loved.6) I need to END this relationship once & for all7) Last but not least...give yourself time to heal before seeking another romance.If you cannot learn to live alone & love yourself...then nobody else will fill that void...absolutely NOBODY.When you re-discover who you are as a person...special, talented, gifted, loving, caring & WORTHY...then you will be ready to find a stable relationship...it will Flow in your direction like a sweet fresh spring breeze. Bless your tender heart.(((big hugs)))
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2005): hey bro,i sympathize with you,i went thru the same ordeal.I met this beautiful women,and we hit it off like you wouldnt believe.i was the best thing since sliced bread,according to her,she called every day,always wanted to see me,kept telling me how great i was etc.. etc.. all that sweet talk.she too recently ended an 8 yr stint.She bad mouthed him left right and center,and i was insecure about the whole thing also,you know her being on the rebound and such.But like ur girl she constantly reassured me she was done with him.All of a sudden literally within a day outta nowhere,she basically told me to beat it,and to stop calling her and all that lovely stuff.I found out,she is back with buddy.To top it off she acts like im a piece of turd now,and wants absolutly nothing to do with me,not even as a friend,she totally flipped a switch.So yes it took me 4ever to get over that,i mean my pride was hurt,my ego was badly bruised and i felt very deceived,i felt like the whole thing was a lie,like she was with me to make him realize what he lost,and i was some sort of feeler for her,i made her feel desirable again,and once the novelty wore off,she was done with me.Like i said i was devastated,never saw it coming,but now in retrospect,i see her as a piece of trash,and isnt worth a single thought,she will never be happy with her ex plain and simple,as i will be,cause i know im not a manipulative piece of garbage,and i know i put all i had into that relationship,whereas this ex of hers will never ever treat her the way i did,so i leave knowing this.My point is some women never learn,they are simply not up to the task of being with a decent guy,cause they have such low self worth,that they feel guilty being with a guy who treats them proper,so they settle for someone more on theire level,a greta guy is what they want deep down inside,but because of theyre insecurities,they cant handle it once they got it,so they go for the sure thing,better the devil you know,then the one you dont.So just think of it this way,she lost YOU!!You didnt lose anything,in fact you gained,do you really wanna be with a women who is so uncertain of herself?Its hard to look at it that way now,i know,but seriously man,if she was so quick to get rid of you,she is one spun chick.
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