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male
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anonymous
writes: This is a really tricky one and I would appreciate it if you would read the whole thing first.I am 28 and have been with the same woman for about 10 years. We have been married for 3 years and are now expecting our first child. The last 6 years have not really been that good and recently decided that we were going to get a divorce after the baby was born. We are both OK with this and will remain amicable. That is just a little history and now to the question.Six months ago I met someone who is 23. We hit it off really good and became very good friends. She is completely aware of my situation at home and empathises with me. About three months ago we started a relationship which eventually became sexual. I love her and have told her that many times. She has tried to hold back emotionally with me until my marriage is over and we can have a relationship. I was never happy with this as I wanted to be with her now, even though we both knew it was not possible. She always described me as too emotional.Two weeks ago we were at supper and I asked her what she thought about our relationship. This has always been a touchy subject for her and the night ended with her telling me that she needed two weeks of space so she could concentrate on University classes and she would deal with this later. I never gave her space and a week later she told me that I was harassing her by sending e-mails and that she never wanted to see me again. I have since left her alone for a full week. Yesterday I sent her a sweet e-mail apologizing and telling her I would do anything to make it up to her to get her back as a friend. She never replied.My question is what should I do? I love this woman very much and I see her as my future happiness. She will not return my calls or reply to my e-mails so there is no way to get in touch with her. I know she still cares deeply for me as well but with no communication I do not know what will happen. I seem to think that if I leave her alone for a while and then try calling maybe we can start simple again and go from there. Any advice about this that anyone can share on how I can win her back.Just so you know I have always done everything for this woman and have never treated her bad, other than not giving her the space she wanted.Thanks
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male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (3 December 2005):
 Ok, I think you are going to have to face facts, and I am going to tell you what they are – it’s a free world, and anyone is free to be with, or not be with, whomever they want.
This girl has decided you are not for her, and she has spelled it out in black and white for you, since you obviously cannot seem to figure it out for yourself.
Harassing her at this point is going to make her hate you and lose more respect for you (if she has any).
You just cannot take a hint… let me re-phrase that, you wouldn’t know a hint if it smacked you across the face and broke your jaw – THIS WOMAN IS FINISHED WITH YOU.
How much more obvious can she make it? She told you she wanted space, she told you that you were harassing her, she will not return calls or e-mails, for god sake man will you listen yourself.
“I know she still cares deeply for me” … WHAT? You are KIDDING yourself – if you keep trying to contact her, I would say it is more likely that her feelings towards you will involve the use of the words disgusting, creepy, possessive, etc.
Sending her a ‘sweet’ e-mail explaining how pathetic you were just about removed any last semblance of respect she may have had for you.
She is NOT your future.
Get over it,
The only thing you can do here is try to regain some of your dignity by sending her one last e-mail apologising for your behaviour, that you were going through a rough period, and you will not contact her again, wishing her well in her future.
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (3 December 2005):
 Hey There,Firstly, adhere to her wishes of needing space and respect that she has things in her head to sort out, in peace.Let her know that you are willing to do this, and then stick to your promise. Let her know that when and if she is ready, you will be there for her, your door is open. Then, settle your divorce matters first,approaching her only when you are a free man, ready to share your life uninhibited, with her.If she still wont have you in her life after that, well, then... she just wasnt THAT into you.Positivity and Light to you, take care.
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