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female
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anonymous
writes: One of my friends ex boyfriends has asked if I would like to start seeing him. She is very upset about the split still and seeing him would be very hurtful to her. I would also be likely to lose her as a friend and in likelihood another two friends who are very supportive of her.I have told him that I find him attractive, which I do but that it is just not possible and it can not happen. He hasn't accepted this and despite me asking him not to, is going to phone her to tell her that he wants to pursue something with me. I don't want him to do this as it will needlessly hurt her, cause complications with my friends and will be very difficult to explain without there being some negative impact for my friendships. He is determined though and says he is not going to give up. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): Thanks very much,
You're right. I think because I actually quite liked him I really wasn't clear enough so I followed your advice, called him back and was extremely firm. He hasn't said that he's not going to call her but I get the impression he's thinking twice about it. And now I know I've set the record straight.
Thanks!
A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (21 November 2006):
 So this guy is threatening to go against your wishes and stir up between you and your friends ? He has no respect for you wishes and I reckon he thinks he's going to win you round someway. Make it crystal clear to him that all this will do is upset you and your friends and he will not win anything out of this.
You are obviously not being firm enough with him. If you really don't want to lose friends over what sounds like a selfish guy, you need to be much more assertive with him, I would actually get completely pissed off and show it if I were you.
Not going to give up ! Tell him he's wasting his time, you don't want to be with him, don't apologise to him, don't flirt with him, be direct, honest and mean it. Get angry with him, don't be scared of being a bit rude either if he still dosen't get the message, if he gets upset he might still say something, but everyone will be able to tell that what he's saying comes from a place of annoyance and that it is ungenuine. I mean what the hell is he going to say ? "Oooh your mate fancies me" and "I want to pursue her" oh but wait here comes the good bit, as the "I want to pursue her" never turns into "I have pursued her and now I have got her" does it ? Actions speak louder than words. If he does say something, you'll just have to explain and be honest, or you could make out he's exaggerating and tell half truth if you feel bad about possibly encouraging him by telling him you find him attractive. Good luck ! He's probably all mouth and no action anyway.
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