| A
male
,
*eatree
writes: I have a friend who think's she's fat.. She seems very upset about it. She'd be slightly overweight.. but i think she's lovely. Short of continuously telling her she's lovely when this comes up in conversation.... is there anything else I can say to make her feel better?
View related questions:
overweight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 July 2006):
 I'd say just deflect the conversation when it comes up again. Some women become fixated on their weight as if it was really a fascinating topic, and allowed to continue the way it has, it tends to feed her obsession.
Next time it comes up, you can say "I think you look great, and I'm sure other people do, too. But I'd rather talk about something else."
She'll likely want to steer the topic back to her being 'fat', but you should understand that being 'fat' really just female shorthand for "I don't like myself" and there's no way you can fix that for her.
If she keeps trying to mention her supposed fatness, smile and gently remind her that you don't think so, and that there's nothing more you have to say on the topic. It may take a few tries, but eventually she'll stop relying on you to prop her up.
If you were a woman, I might suggest that you engage her in conversation about what she'd like to do to fix whatever she thinks is wrong, then act as a sounding-board while she talks about that... but as a male friend, that's beyond the call of duty! ;-)
Simply
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 July 2006):
 If she wants to lose weight then you might want to help by going to gym classes with her - everyone needs a bit of support sometimes! There is little you can say really as if she is thinking she is fat then her mind won't be changed. However, next time she brings up the subject then perhaps you could ask her if she wants to come along to a swimming class or something, as 'you were thinking of improving your fitness'...it may make her feel like she is doing you a favour by coming along, take the focus of her 'fat' issue and exercise may reduce her weight and make her feel less depressed about herself too.
...............................
|
