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female
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anonymous
writes: I really need your help. My male friend has told me he is being abused. His abuser beats him badly. No one knows apart from me. He says that if he tells anyone, his abuser will kill him. He is so scared and I wanna help him but don't know how and I don't live near him. I've had it done to me so know how it feels. I wanna help him. Can you help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 I am an expert in child protection and domestic violence. I have worked with many families affected by these issues. The perpetrator will often threaten the victim with consequences to reporting the 'secret abuse' as part of the power-relationship. Your friend is ready to disclose this 'secret' as he has already told you about it. Abuse can have a devastating effect on someone's life and he will require specialist counselling to get over this. If you are his friend then you need to call social services - they will accept a 'tip off' anonymously and even if you tell them who you are then you can request to remain anonymous, and they will act on your information as they are obliged to under the law. If you are scared of speaking up, write them a letter instead.
If this boy is being beaten then he will have old injuries and bruising and child protection experts are good at spotting such injuries. It often takes professional intervention for the abuse issues to be exposed and addressed. It doesn't mean he will go into care, as social services try to keep families together where possible. Physical abuse is sometimes regarded as a symptom of bigger family stress problems in the home. The emphasis is sometimes therapeutic - to heal the problems that trigger abuse in the home - as opposed to punitive - to jail the offender. Please be strong and call social services, you could be saving this boy's life. If you need more help, contact me privately via this website.
A
female
reader, matron +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Hi, tell your friend to look in the yellow pages and phone a professional advice line, your friend must not let this continue, if he doesn't tell anyone his abuser could kill him. These people can advise on safe places to go and where to get one to one help out of this situation. If your friend hasn't got the courage to contact these people ask him if you can get the information for him.He obviously wants help because he's told you do what ever you can for him and if possible send me an update. Good luck and take care of your friend please x
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