A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I talked to my friend last night telling him that he hurt me by being distant. He said that the reason why e doesn’t talk to me is because he doesn’t carry his phone every where and sometimes he is signed on online but he’s not at his computer. Plus he never apologizes to me. I told him that he doesn’t treat me like a friend. He says that he does care. The thing he has to realize is that I’m having problems in my life. I told him that I’ve been having trouble with blood pressure being low and funerals. He never says sorry. Sure he says congrats to me but I feel as though he doesn’t say it on his own even though he says that he did. I don’t know about him. I’m going to move on but how can I avoid him at school? I know that he only wants to be friends. He says that he did nothing wrong and makes excuses for why he doesn’t talk to me. I can’t wait until I graduate and never see him anymore. On the bus he smiles at me and talks to me we have good conversations. We have a lot in common. When I see him in the hall he talks to his friends and ignores me. I walk bye him in the hall sometimes he smiles. I think he is playing me? What do you think?
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 How is he playng you? I am not sure I understand the context you mean this in in this instance/situation?
No, people don't always have their phones on them, ....yes people sometimes are on line and not neccessarily at the PC,... yes sometimes people don't think to say sorry when they hear we are going through tough times, ... yes, people may give a friendly smile and chat on a bus, ... and yes, other times they will just be absorbed in their interactions with other friends.
It may be tho that he does not know what to say when you are telling him problems, ... or it may be that he wants light heated interactions instead of dealing with heavy stuff and feeling he has to console you.
Whilst I think his reasons for not always be around when you want to talk are reasonable, .. it could be that he is prefering to tell you something along those lines than one of the reasons above in order to not hurt your feelings or offend you.
I think the crux of the problem here may be that he see's you as a friend and you actually want more. You seem to be attributing expectations at a level that is more usual for people in a romantic relationship than people who are just friends. Doing this may make some people view the friendship as 'high maintenance' requiring more effort than they are prepared to willing give without request.
If he wanted to be more than friends, not only would he have not given you the indication that, that, was all he wanted, ...he would be going out of his way to contact you himself, ... he would talk to you at all opportunities, ... and you would not be sitting there waiting for responses. Sorry.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 He is too young to know about love. He still has a lot to learn about love.
You should keep your options open.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 April 2010):
 I think he is a fairly typical young man, I think he probably doesnt take his phone everywhere, I think sometimes he has his computer conected to the internet when he is not at his computer, I think his idea of how to be a friend might be different to your idea of being a friend .....
I think you need to either accept him as he is or find a new friend.
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