A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Really need some advice please,I have a good friend who has some medical issues and personal and work stress and the moment, somis stressed and likes to drink at her house, (she doesnt go out often) in the evening, I will often visit her at her house. I do not drink.She drinks more than she should at times and when shes drinking (not drunk but getting there) she sometiems gets quite agitated and very snappy and sarcastic she will tell people exactly what she thinks, the alchohol really lets her relax and she will say whatever and not think that it might hurt someones feelings, she see herself as being honest and upfront. i do appreciate her honesty sometimes, as not many other ppl i know are so brutally honest, she doesnt often lie and will tell it how is is..but... when shes like this she often criticises me, tells me whats wrong with my personality example: im too quiet and should make more of an effort with people,i give this impression, i should try to do this more and not do this.. etc etc and generally tell me whats wrong wth me. ive told her that its hurts my feelings and to not criticise me as much and ive tried humour, ive tried to ingore her when shes like this abd let the comments slide but she says: "im only trying to help u" and "you need to work on this" she also will say ïm tired and i get really grumpy when im tired"shes far from perfect herself and ive told her but she only sees my flaws, its affecting out previously good, close friendship, how do I deal with her? shes been a good friend and ive been there for her too.i dont want to get rid of her as a friend but shes taking things out on me, shes very sarcastic and stubborn. what do I do?sorry its so long but i really need advice thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Hi - this is the original poster. Thanks a lot for the advice.My friend isnt going to stop drinking altogether - she says she drinks to relax and because she has stress in her life. I know she should cut back and so does she, she admitts she drinks too much sometimes and doesnt want to cut back now due to stress, she has said that i shouldnt tell her what she does when she is drinking,maybe i should? Maybe I should tell her that she criticises me?? she knows she gets irritable when tired or drinking.Is there anything I can say to her when she criticises me? apart from "dont do that"!?She doesnt always do this, just lately since shes been more stressed, before three weeks ago we had a good f/ship.She is taking it out on me and ive told her.She is a good freind and we get along well mostly - stress can affect ppl differently but i DONT deserve to be the person she is mad at i agree with angeldust. im going to tell her this if it happens again, then leave if she starts to lash out -she wont expect that, she wont be prepared for that, dont know how she'll react.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): hmm...i had a similar situation where a friend of mines wife was telling me when she was drunk about i should be like this or that... (when i actually hate people who are like that)
I think your friend is actually weak. The alcohol and her comments are being used to make her think how wonderful she is - was there any compliments in what she says?
Star.x.
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