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female
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anonymous
writes: I've got a big problem with one of my friends. She copies me with everything!I told her I wanted a dog, so did she. I told her a babysitted for my younger siblings, so did she, even though her younger siblings can take care of themselves. I told her I had bad circulation, so did she. I do something in the classroom, so does she. I di some work on the computer at school, so does she.I know these are all little things, but they do add up, and it is frustrated. I'm only 13 and I constantly feel like shaking her.It's getting really annoying. I've been told it's signs of admiration, but I don't like it. I wish she would stop it. Please don't tell me to talk about it to her,she's not the type of friend that would understand, she gets upset and feels sorry for herself if I have a go at her for it.I also don't want to break my friendship with her, because apart from the copying she's the best friend I've ever had.The first time I triend talking to her about it, she started ignoring me! It's getting me down so much. I really appreciate your help, thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I can really relate.
They are small things, but you're right. They really do add up!
When I started listening to Indie bands, my best friend started listening too, and when people asked her, "Where'd yo discover that band?" she said, "Oh, I was just cruising around on the internet."
When I started drawing anime, she started drawing it to. And everyone was like, "OMG, How cool!" and she was like, "It's nothin, really. I thought it'd be cool to try it out".
It's EVERYTHING! Funny remarks, clothes and fashions, brands, titles and border and the way she talks. It's all copied!
But then I realized, "Does she have a personality at all?"
I started to rethink why I was her best friend.
I think she was jsut unsure of how she would be if she were to act her true self. She was lost. I know you don't want to hear this, but I guess that she digs what you like.
Take this as a ompliment!
You said that she was by far the best friend you ever had, correct? Well, try talking to her, getting things straight, but if she is your bestest friend, she could be your best friend for life.
Just hang tight, see if it's just a phase she is going through, talk to her, and carry on. Friendship is a weird thing, really. It's those weird ways you get into a fight. It's the weird way she copies you like shes some stalker. It's the weird way that when you get over a fight, you don't apologize, but you just go back to your normal mood.
If these things are evident in your friendship, hold onto her.
If not, you might wanna think about exploring her personality - and if push comes to shove : end the friendship.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I totally know how you feel. My best friend copies the way i talk to the way i write. it's sickening. and then if she gets the same clothes, she'll be like "oh i didnt know you had that!" even if i'd had it for a year.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): OMIGOODGOD!!!! can i relate to you!!!! ugh ok so it started with when i began to try new things like rock music and different bands. Well my friend was a goody two shoes who is seriously ALWAYS perfect but soon she finds the songs on my ipod and shes like "THIS IS COOL!" and i'm like yep. So she brings her ipod to my house and copies like ALL my sons onto her ipod, I was like ok that's fine she's my friend. But then i started to try drawing manga pics (which i am really good at) and then SHE STARTS! Then i was like oh ok, i guess thats fine. But one day we were talking about drawing and then I'll never forget it...she said "yeah, but we both know i'm better" I was like WTF?! are you serious? ((in my head)) And from there it just got worse! Then it was reading manga, watching anime, getting purple contacts, a trip to Japan, clothes, only laughing at certain things... i know those all seem small and random but you're right..IT SERIOUSLY GETS TO YOU!!!!!!!! Ugh anyway i talked to my other bestie and we both figured that the reason my friend was copying was because personally she doesnt have a personality, she just copies others instead of doing her own thing.
Srry, just thought i might vent too. Well, i feel better ^^
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I totally understand everyone's situation! I have a friend that copies everything I do too. I started drawing and was in this art class and she was admiring my drawings. Soon after she started painting. I was not angry at this because everyone needs something. Soon after we started painting on the walls in spare room. everything I painted she would hide behind furniture!! than she would say ( look at all my paintings!) They are not good by the way. She would copy from magazines and say that she painted them and sign her name. I soon stopped drawing and painting because she would think I was copying her new thing lol.
Another example my brother bought me an African design elephant when I was younger. When I got older I thought hey that would be cool to decorate my home like this! I told my best friend at the time. Soon after she had her whole house decorated like this, and than said that she was mad because her mom was copying her LOL. I didn't say anything because I felt well maybe I am over reacting.
I have always given her advice on many many subjects because she was a liar and a thief when she was younger. She was also a bad communicator and had a bad home life. I didn't have the greatest either.
Years later she had this friend and I was sitting in the same room and she was giving her advice (in my exact words to her) this other girl was saying that she was the best advice giver. She just said "I know I have always been good at that" ha ha ha!!. I said to my friend who gave you that same advice you gave? She passivley said YOU. She has been my friend for 17 years now. These things have happened over the years!
I am more angry now because she acts like she senses things! My mother died when I was 7 and before I knew my Best friend. I have always sensed things around me strange things. She knows this and now that she is older 28 she has to copy me??? she has been saying "I feel like I know her I sense her". I told her of course you do I talk about her. She said NO I actually feel like I knew her. Of course she does! I talked about her all the time! SHE THINKS SHE IS psychic when I know she is just going off my emotions! I told her when I lived there, that I knew she was in my house and I sense her all the time. WOW! I can't even have my own emotions!
I went to see a pychic and the lady said that my mothers spirit was still in my old house. I only lived in the one house with my family for 26 years. I am now 28 my friend has been there before with me many of times. I talked about my mother to her before and she never acted like anything. Now all of a sudden when we sold the house she was like I never wanted to get rid of the house. I said we had too My Dad was sick. She said I cryed when you guys sold it. I said yeah I am still drawn to it and will never stop. I said I didn't cry. She said "I did" I feel this is very very fake!. We had a lot of family problems and bad memories in there when my mom passed.
My best friend moved far from here 2 years ago. My Dad passed away a couple months after. When I talk about my Dad she is like yeah I looked at him as my father. I can see this, because he was a great man, but when my father died she didn't even go to the funeral. If you thought so highly of him you could find the money! She does have ways of getting money all the time through her family. She didn't even call me for weeks. She did send me flowers from there. She said she cried for weeks about my father and she misses him so much. I have never heard her cry when she talked about him! When I cry when I talk about him she turns it around so I have to comfort her ha ha!!! more competition I can't even mourn for my own family without the copy cat!!! my mother? she didn't even know her. So I guess now I am competeing for my past relatives.
OMG I am soo sorry to make this sooo long I AM JUST SOOOO ANGRY!!! I guess I need some help too LOL.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): I have friends and plus my brother's girlfriend copying me. and I hate it how do I deal with that? I feel like seeing myself to them, they copy with everything especially the things i like, even clothes and etc..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): well then your basically screwed, there's really no way to approach it in this perfect way you either have to break the friendship w/ her or tell her to stop mimicking everything you do. besides if she were your 'best friend' she would listen to you and respect your opinion. Godd!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): i know exactly what you mean, but when i get annoyed with my friend i feel like i shouldn't be but i can't help it, we would be at the mall, i would get a shirt i really liked, and she would by the SAME one in a different color, then i wanted these earing so i was going to pay for them and then she comes over with the same ones, so i put mine back and didn't get them :[, then i bought converse, my favorite shoes ever, and she bought them too, like not even a different color or design either, the SAME ones, and she copies all of the slang words i use and what bands i like. i just can't help but be annoyed with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): OMG, I have the same friend. I am 29 years old and I have known her since I was 3. She has been coping me for what seems like forever. When we started to drive I told her I wanted a Truck, she got one. She had a white dress for senior prom, I bought a red one...She went and bought a red one. She is the same kinda friend you cannot talk to about things with out getting her upset. Now we are grown, I might not even still talk to her if her husband and my husband were not best friends for about as long as we have known each other.
When we went shopping I saw a painting I loved. 2 days later it was hanging in her living room. My husband and I talked with them about never having kids and how my husband would get a vasectomy 3 days later her husband was scheduled for the surgery. (He was not even 30 yet!) My husband never had one becasue we wanted to be sure. Now I am 12 weeks pregnant...they are looking into adoption!!
I don't know how to deal with this copy cat thing either, and it just keeps getting to be bigger and bigger things. A baby is NOT something to do just because someone else is doing it! I am so frustrated, I don't know how to deal with this. I don't understand why they have to do this right now!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): OMG! i have such i huge problem with that, i bought an item of clothing- a thing i really like and she bought it. She copies my jokes, my interests and it isn't just me she does it too! she does it to all my friends! sorry, this isn't helpful, just letting you know you are not alone in this. plus, she is so hypocritical and told someone off for NEARLY buying something she has! SIGH!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Man, can I relate. My friend (best friend) is 35, and copies literally everything I do. It goes far beyond clothing and decorating. We're talking major life decisions, and things that define one as a person. The biggest and most frustrating is that I love to write, and had a book idea that was really good. She chips in one measly little suggestion, now it's "our" book idea. She doesn't even write! It's just crazy. I dressed up like a cheerleader for my boyfriend to have a little fun; lo and behold, she dresses like one for some guy using her for a booty call. I collect witches balls, now she collects them. I put in wood floors, she has to have them put in right after me. She even went to a funeral for one of my friends who she barely knew! It's bizarre. I love her, and really do not know what to do any more. It makes me want to just avoid her. Any ideas? Please don't tell me to be flattered, because I am not. I think it's sad , creepy, and just plain weird.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Having my friend copy does not flatter me. It may seem flattering to others, but it's not if it's happening to you. It's feels creepy, like your identity is being stolen.
A friend of mine with confidence problems has been copying every haircut I've had (she has afro hair so gets weaves in exactly the same style so the copying holds no boundaries), immaculates my dress-sense, and buys exactly the same things like the exact same professional digital camera as me (even tho she has no interest in photography and I'm a professional photographer).
We are also close friends, and because of my friend's confidence issues I have sort of entertained her copying of my style (becos she does look good in it). But recently it's getting getting too much. I want my friend to be happy and look good, but I don't think believing that I am the definition of 'what looks good' will improve her confidence.
When a friend goes out and buy the same jeans as you, or a few occasions where they like a piece of garment and buy it is completely different to a situation where your friend copies the different choices you make.
There are varying degrees on how dangerous this can be depending on the person and situation but it will take creative problem solving to get myself out of this one! Otherwise the friendship will be too much...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I am 35 and have a friend that is absolutely wonderful, and I love her. However, she is modeling herself after me- from exercise habits to diet to household decoration and certainly to clothing. I, to be fair, have done nothignto discourage this, believing that I was being a good friend and encouraging her to emerge from a shell she has been in since the tragic death of her fiancee. But, it's startign to get a little weird. And the weird part isn't the bad part- the bad part is that I feel as though the singular aspects of my personality are being usurped! I have long been her personal shopper, born with a natural gift for dressing others. Recently, we headed out to look for clothes for her, and she said about an outfit I had on, "I want THAT." So, I found her a replica of what I was wearing. Now, I can't wear my outfir anymore, because it was just individual enough that we look like a team when we're together (and we work together). :) Super dorky. She has proceeded to buy 17157571 more outfits that resemble mine identically. I recently got bangs cut in my hair, which actually makes my hairstyle resemble hers more. (I wonder if she thinks I'm copying her...) Today, she came in to work and asked me if I used hair paste to style my hair - that she was trying to go for a look like mine, but thought she was missing something. Of course, the cut is totally different - mine is a long mullet (for real), and hers is like a shoulder-length layered bob. I told her how I styled my hair. So, I can count on her returning to my office with an identical hairdo. Sigh. I guess I just need to vent. All in all, I'm totally grateful for her love and affection, and believe wholly that any mimicry is out of love and admiration. Stupid friendship. It's complicated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I know exactly how you feel. My firend gets allt he credit for things i do, and people naturally think im copying her because she is very loud and outgoing. argh!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): I have a woman friend (in mid 30s) who clearly is struggling with her own identity, and possibly more. She has copied not only my clothing styles down to what I buy she buys, but she even uses the same verbage - I told her I bought a cute "hoodie" sweatshirt, she went out a did the same thing and told me she bought a new "hoodie". She even copies my hair style and hair color - I'm a red head naturally, she colored her hair red. We've had people in our community tell us we look like sister, so I recently decided to cut my hair short and we didn't look so alike anymore. Two weeks later, she is going to get a new hair cut - what do you want to bet it's short when I see her next. I recently hosted a game night with a group of women we both hang out with. My home decor and kitchen island setting was quite beautiful that evening. The compliments poured in - people had a great time, she didn't/couldn't say a word. Next thing I know she tells me she bought a kitchen island, and I discover through a meetup group we both belong to that she is hosting a game night through the meetup (which is different group of women - so no one will notice the copying she'll be doing). She's just nuts. My husband is very handy and built a beautiful California, walk-in closet in our bedroom. She is now having a walk-in closet built in her house. I work and have "clients" she got a job at a hospital as an aid and she calls the patients her "clients"!!! She copies EVERYTHING - down to the stain color I use on our deck. It's very very weird. The most blatent thing she said recently was that she wants a husband like mine and that's where I started to draw the line. I'm not worried about my husband - he things she's a nut job too. I don't bother with her anymore other than when it's in group settings. Hopefully she'll start to latch on to someone else. But I've NEVER met someone so completely out of tune with themselves that they had to copy someone for their total identity. I wonder what a shrink would say about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I have this same problem and I am 56 years old! It isn't my bff, it is the woman who lives in the cottage next door to me.
We both moved in at the same time. It is one piece of property, but there are 2 cottages on the same lot.
The first week I lived here, I bought a humingbird feeder. Within 10 days, she had one too.
Then I bought a birdbath. She bought 2 of them.
I hung birdsheet in the tree, she filled one of her birdbaths with seed.
I planted a morninglory. She bought 2.
She is scary.
Then this happened today:
I always wear a bandana tied in my hair. It is my trademark.
This morning ..... she had one tied in her hair.
Anyone know where I can get a voo doo doll?
jk
:-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I'm 30yrs. old and still an old friend since highschool still copies me. Although I've kept our friendship distant for this very reason. It's called insecurity on their part. They struggle with who they really are and so the next best thing is to copy someone they really like.In my opinion, keep your ideas and opinions about this you truly like to yourself.In my case they came to my house and saw my furniture.Then when I went to visit them guess what, similar furniture at their house like mine. So no more invites to my house. We meet at a mutal place, cafe, etc.....Or guess what when you get my age, write them off.Don't call them, who cares. Like is bigger than that!Highschool can be tough! I was there too!But, If I had to do it over! Be unique by keeping your likes to yourself! Bestfriends don't have to tell each other everything!! Hope this helps!Remember God is in ultimate control of Everything! Even copying!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): wow.....i feel EXACTLY the same way as you!! i met my friend this year in high school (im 13) and she COPIES ME!!! she didnt even know wat the nightmare before christmas was before i came along. i really love it, im obsessed. and now all of a sudden SHE LOVES IT TOO!!! its her birthday and shes going on and on about all of the nightmare before christmas stuff she has gotten!!! and she an only child so she gets spoiled and gets HEAPS more nightmare b4 xmas stuff than me!! and now shes going on about how shes going to get her hair cut in the same way as mine and get my shoes!! and i HATE being told its admiration..its not...it COPYING!!!! and everyone compares us and likes her better then me, even tho they dont realise that she is stealing my personallity. shes prettier than me and now shes stealing all of my good traits as well. i mean..wtf!!! and i DONT want to tell her how i feel, she will just act like she feels sorry for me like everyone else does. i just thought it might be comferting 4 u to kno im going through the exact same thing as you. =D
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): i no whats its like and thats the problem me and my best friend have.. weve been friends for ages and she thinks im copying everything she likes.. for instance if she likes a certain band then i like it then she thinks that i copied her. your friend seems a bit over the top with copying but it really depends on different people. i try to talk to her about it but she gets angry, cracks it at me then storms off. if it werent for my friend then i would never have got into some bands and movies. obviously you are a role model for her. even tho it seems that she copies everything she must like utha stuff too,.. u no. almost all friends copy each other but the other friend duznt notice. as a matter of fakt i do hate most things that my friend liks. lmao.. welll gud luk with that
xox
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): I know what you mean. I have survived traumas in my life, like rape, miscarriage, alcoholism after surviving the first two, and a drug habit that I am trying to kick. I tried to kill myself and I am in counseling, now myfriend saw my friends supported me and she's all of a sudden been raped more than me, and miscarried more than me, and says im gonna kill myself, you can call me tomorrow if you wanna make sure im not dead, and she says she is an alcoholic and heavy drinker but she drank 2 margaritas and she was plaatered and puked. I just know she is lying to get attention and she buys the same clothes, and i am raising my neice and she says she is raising her, and she even tried to hone in on a guy i was starting to get6 serious with and told him i was copying her and now he wont spoeak to me. ARGH...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): I have had the same problem in the past, and it feels like your identity is being taken away from you. Talk to her. Its the only way, other wise you will spend all your time looking for something that she cant copy. Ask her what shes really into and try and get some original ideas out of her and convince them that they are cool and something to be proud of.
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female
reader, Eighteen +, writes (22 December 2005):
Oh i know exaclty what you mean! At your age the reason she's copying you is probably that she's a bit insecure and see's you as something she can aspire to and by being like you, you will have lots in common and she can feel safe and secure. If you generally think she is good friend then stick it out. She'll grow out of it but in the mean time to shake her off so you have some peace and quite do something weird thats difficult for her to copy. Wear weird cloths, volunteer at an old ppls home, take up knitting, dye your hair pink. whatever it takes to get her back off with the imitations.
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reader, mommyofthree +, writes (22 December 2005):
 It is normal to feel troubled when you feel like someone is trying to be you. Like everyone else said it is a sign that she thinks highly of who you are as a person and is trying to be like that, a huge compliment. What really worries me is that you say she is your best friend yet you feel as though you can't talk to her. Friendships should be based on a mutual respect and ability to share feelings. Obviously you will not always like what your friends have to say but a true friend will always be there to listen. Because the friendship is important to you I would stick with it you will probably find that she will not copy you forever, she will either find herself as a person or find someone else to immitate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): She sounds lke she might be abit lost about who she is or maybe she really admires you and wants to be like you. I think you should just stick twith her its probably just a phase and she will get out of it at some point,maybe try and get her out of the habit of doing everything you do by maybe doing stuff that she enjoys doing instead. I had a similar situation with a friend of mine but we never copied each other on purpose it was just by coincidence, somtimes we would turn up with same hairstlyes or similare clothing on or sometimes we would bump into each other at places we didn't know the other person would be at, i dunno it could be a chance she just enjoys the same tings you do but i think she is just copying you either way and it sounds like a phase and she will get over it at some point.
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reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
First off, copying you is flattering. Your friend admires you and wants to be like you. Secondly, I can understand why you are getting frustrated - you want to be your own person and not be copied all the time. Stick with her, try not to get upset when she copies you, this way, she could be your friend for life.
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