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My friend copies everything I's getting to me! Help

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 December 2005) 38 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2014)
A female , anonymous writes:

I've got a big problem with one of my friends. She copies me with everything!

I told her I wanted a dog, so did she. I told her a babysitted for my younger siblings, so did she, even though her younger siblings can take care of themselves. I told her I had bad circulation, so did she. I do something in the classroom, so does she. I di some work on the computer at school, so does she.

I know these are all little things, but they do add up, and it is frustrated. I'm only 13 and I constantly feel like shaking her.

It's getting really annoying. I've been told it's signs of admiration, but I don't like it. I wish she would stop it. Please don't tell me to talk about it to her,she's not the type of friend that would understand, she gets upset and feels sorry for herself if I have a go at her for it.

I also don't want to break my friendship with her, because apart from the copying she's the best friend I've ever had.

The first time I triend talking to her about it, she started ignoring me! It's getting me down so much. I really appreciate your help, thank you.

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A female reader, They are not only books United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2014):

I love my friend very much but sometimes she over does it and copies me so this summer I started liking a certain band and like two days later she liked them too!!! Just try to be nice and if it gets out of hand say something

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

I have to say, there are lots of great stories as a response to this answer, but where are the male experiences?!

I know its an old question, but I just wanted to have my say in it as well.

Firstly, yes, I'm a male, and I have experienced the same thing you have been through, not with my friend, but with my younger cousin instead.

Like most other copycats, he follows me in pretty much every way possible. From hairstyle, music, hobbies etc.

Since we were young, with both had long hair, but about a year ago, I decided to cut mine short and see how it would look. No surprise, a couple of weeks later, he had done the exact same thing and spiked it up the exact way I do.

I used to listen to a particular radio station a lot, and one day I told him that it was totally awesome (big mistake). Surprisingly, he said it was no good and had bad music... and not surprisingly, a few days later, he told me how he had set that radio station as his alarm clock and as a favorite in the car...

When I visited went overseas, I bought a necklace as a souvenir, and only a few weeks back, I find that he managed to get his hands on a silver necklace as well...

This list just goes on, into the phrases I use, the clothing I wear and the shows I watch.

Is this really admiration...? I'd like to think that way, but I don't think it's gonna work...

The funny thing too is, his mum (my aunty) also follows the way our family does things as well. The doors in the house, the glassware, the display items. Maybe copycatting a hereditary thing.

By the way, I'm an in-the-closet homosexual with the family (so all my friends know) and I am just waiting for the day where I tell my cousin that I am gay. I wonder if he's willing to go as far as changing his sexuality to become another me... LOL

BUT, if he does, I swear, all hell will break loose.

PS. Its been 4 years since you've asked this, and in this time I hope you have solved your problem with your friend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

i know how bad u feel .....same thing happens with me all the time...initially i thought that i am alone with this feeling but now i guess this is normal.....this feeling is with everyone who is creative and unique.....

well there are people around me who always tried to copy me and i get irritated with their behaviour.....main thing is that they even dont acknowledge ur effort ...they dont say a single word about ur achievement and copies u without saying anything....atleast they should have some courtesy to appreciate their role models...but hello to this world....copiers copies u without appreciating u ...without giving an inch of credit to ur creativity.....especially womens.....

i think their knowledge base is so small that they cannot create their own....they dont have any personality.....lack of education can be the reason but here education doesn't means academic means mental education or thier upbringing....their background...they have been tought by their parents to copy and paste.....i really hate copy cats....but u cant do anything except to get rid them ASAP...because these type of person get intensed by the time...they get on ur nerves....and affect ur whole its better to separate ur self from copy cats and try to find out company that has their own taste......i'll prefer to stay alone instead sharing ur knowledge with a person u copies u and didn't want to give u credit......when u point out them about this they will not going to accept this....instead they will try to blame u that u r insecure

so beware of copy cats....avoid them as much as u can.....try to keep ur thoughts to ur self.....especially from people who are close to u n tries to copy u....

this world is full of copy cats.....they are very few innovaters.....try to concentrate in creating value in ur life....dont even look at people..who are mean n copier.....because they are GOOD FOR NOTHING

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009):

God, I so agree with all of you. There is this girl, we WERE friends, before I realized she's a two-faced b***h. Everytime I quote something for a movie or sth,(Although I didn't create that quote and everybody is free to use it, but still)

she would copy and say sth like "Hey, the phrases that you guys(including my other friends) are so catchy" . I treated it as that she's "copying" since she seems to really think its catchy. But one day, I just said the quote that I remember damned clearly that I started quoting it first, and that fugly girl said "Why are you copying my line?" I was shocked, but I let it go. But then that situation won't stop repeating so I couldn't stand it longer, I hinted at her how pissed I was, and all she could say was, "What did I do?"

Also, my other friend (She's still my friend now, however) she wouldn't stop copying whatever I like, too. The pens I use, the way I talk (like many of you experienced), and even the PHONE MODELS that I like!

Really, clones, its really time they get a life, and stop copying people, and comment that other people are copying them. What an ironic situation. Guess that's why there are phrases/words like "copycats", and "the pot calling the kettle black", huh. SCRAM OFF, CLONES! The world will be so much better when we are rid of clones, yeah.

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A female reader, wynter. United States +, writes (30 June 2009):

I know how you feel, even though a lot of people on this question do. I just feel the need to add my two cents.

Ever since moved to the town I lived in, I've been great friends with a girl. Our relationship was tenuous at first, but now she thinks of me as her best friend, even though the "best friend" feeling isn't completely reciprocated. She thinks I'm her greatest friend. I think of her just as a close friend.

Anyways, we were fine off in the beginning of our friendship. But halfway through the relationship, things got rough for me.

Halfway through our friendship was when fifth grade started. It's when I showed signs of being a nerd, an avid reader, a good writer and a complete rocker.

My friend, who we'll call Lezlie, is the complete opposite. She's playful (I'm a thinker, a dreamer, a silent one), she loves Disney music (YUCK! I'm a rocker!), she doesn't care much about her studies (nerd right here). She's a stereotyped girly girl (dirty blonde hair, always painted nails, text talk in emails, Disney lover, popular, gossips, Abercombie shirts, skirts, et cetera), and I'm almost the complete opposite (tomboy, writer, nerd, tangled hair, never ever makeup, pretty popular, ripped jeans, punky shirts).

The halfway mark was when I always went to her house. It's when I not only started to rub off on her, she grabbed a human copying machine and cloned me.

I became obsessed with Evanescence, and she started listening to the songs and said that Evanescence is the best band ever. She also claimed that she never listened to Disney, that she didn't like it. Yeah, right, then why'd she watch High School Musical? I loved Harry Potter since third grade, and she absolutely hates long books. Then she joined this Harry Potter fansite that I go on and she's only read half of the first book! I yelled "Expeliiarmus" at her to test her, and she replied, "Is that German or something?"

I couldn't stand it, and still can't. A while back, I asked her if she wanted to listen to some Aerosmith. She said no, that she disliked rock, she'd rather Selena Gomez. Now she says that she's loved Aerosmith since she was a little girl. Lately she's been trying hard to make her sense of humor like mine, she's even COPIED some of the jokes I use on a daily basis! I often say "Go rot in a hole" to people, jokingly. Then she starts saying, "Go rot in a hole," as well. It's getting on my nerves and knotting them inside out.

I enjoy writing. I'm an author. Seriously. I influenced her into writing. And now Lezlie loves writing. Seriously. But she's beginning to start using my ideas. I use the Shakespearean names in my stories, she starts using them too, and she hasn't read a single play of his, like I have. I'm in this summer school for gifted people (not to brag, sorry), and she failed the test for admittance, she admitted she did, and now she's asking her teacher if she really did take it, just so she can be in the summer school.

She copies a lot of things from me, and I'm not flattered at all. It doesn't even seem that Lezlie is aware that she is copying me. I've been hinting that I'm annoyed by her copying me, for example, I once said, "Jeez, you copy-cat", sarcastically (that's my sense of humor, by the way), and Lezlie replies, "What are you talking about? I've always love Aerosmith." So the next time someone copies you, just say, "Look, I know that I got you to start doing/saying/reading that. And you've been copying me a lot lately. I know you have your own self. So be yourself, not me, because I'm my own self."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009):

It's not just friends who do this copying thing. My husband's ex-wife copies everything I do, to the point where I am exhausted. She is a vampire, sucking the very core of myself.

She has always been a liar and a thief, so I guess hubby's ex just naturally gravitates to lying about being me, when she's really a personality thief.

I am hoping that my situation will improve somewhat when my stepson moves away, as right now he is her little spy.

It gets old and tiring to have somebody emulate you so much.

To all the copiers out there: GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN! I have no sympathy for you people.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009):

I am 27. I went to Toastmasters, she joined Toastmasters. Then she suggested I should try Toastmasters, it works wonders! When we met she did not like beer or wine and now she's an "expert" right down to my favorites. I have a goofy holiday tradition that I invented and everyone laughs and thinks it's great. Come to find out "we stole your tradition, lol". I started getting into gardening, now she is into gardening. I have short blonde hair, she cut hers short and dyed it blonde. I got nerd glasses, she got nerd glasses. And NOW to take the cake, she is even pursuing the career I have dreamed of but cannot afford to do yet. And it is very specific.

I have had a lot of hardships in my life, dealing with the deaths of people very close to me, addiction, depression, illness, marriage, divorce. It took a lot of hard work to be who I am and this college educated, successful, happy family, ambitious person is depreciating everything that makes me ME. Ugh. Single White Female.

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A female reader, darkest_apathy United States +, writes (11 May 2009):

I know this question is old, but I bet a lot of people still relate to this a lot.

My experience has been this:

It has ALWAYS happened to me, and I've ALWAYS hated it.

Admiration or whatever, I don't care, it's a annoying and people should be stopped because then you start feeling smothered...

I'm 26 now, but this whole crazy thing started when I was about 14...

I was never into fashion and I was always the tomboyish girl that enjoyed the company of guys and listening to rock n roll, the least of my problems was make-up and everything else that girls seemed to love.

The few female friends I had always kinda looked down on me because of my clothing, my style and attitude in general, I used to feel a bit bad because I knew I didn't look as pretty as I could, but at the same time I was comfortable being myself and REALLY had NO interest in starting worrying about fashion and girly stuff. So I decided to just be sure of myself and show them with attitude that I was cool... And OMG... That's when it ALL started.

I remember like it was yesterday how one of my EX-female friends was telling me how boyish and stupid I looked, blah blah blah, I should dress more like a girl, blah blah blah... But my answer was always "well, this is all me, take it or leave it, the guys don't seem to have a problem", BAM! That did it, the girls started noticing that I was fitting in with the guys perfectly... The guys THEY liked... (yeah I had a crush on some of them too, haha), and this EX-friend... The one that was closest to me started copying EVERYTHING I wore, the way I acted, my music, trying to start hanging out with my male friends, well, if I died my hair, she did, if I wore big jeans, she did... And one day she comes and tells me "Oh, I hate it, everyone keeps telling me I should dress more like a girl, blah blah, they don't understand".... At that point my jaw just dropped... I had to remind her that she gave ME the SAME speech a few months back before she became my official CLONE! Her answer: "WHAT??? I've ALWAYS dressed like this!"

I stopped being her friend, because this was just one of MANY things she did to literally try and be ME... It was awefully weird AND scary! Some people even started thinking we were sisters, and that just did it for me, because she was making it look like I was trying to be like her! (and besides that, she was a mean person, not someone worth keeping as a friend.)

And she was not the only one, my cousin started copying me too! The way I acted, my music, the stuff I bought, the way I had posters all over my room, she got ALL of the same posters I had, she even copied my goals! I decided when I was 16 that I wanted to form a band, then all of a sudden she did too, I got into guitar lessons, she did too, it was aweful! Among MANY other things!

Then my other best friend (who's gay), starting doing the same shit, I got into art school, so he started painting too, he saw that guys admired me because of my rock n roll knowledge, so, him, being gay (and he only liked dance music back then) started PRETENDING he liked rock n roll to get guys to talk to him, OMG... Even his sister, 'til this day, she persists on copying whatever I do, or wear, or buy :-( I commonly have to stay away from her, because after months have passed and she sees me again, she soon dies her hair, or whatever is needed to look like me again. She can't stand me looking different!

I was practically being HARRASSED by several of my friends copying everything I did...

One day I just had it and told them... "Listen, I don't know what the f*ck you people think is SO DAMN COOL about me that you all need to be cloning every crap I do!"

I REALLY didn't mean to snap like that, but at that point I was 23 years old and I had NOTHING to claim my own. I don't know about you all, but it's an aweful feeling when you go to your friend's/cousin's room, and you feel like you never got out of your house, cuz his/her room is EXACTLY the same as yours! Or to go out with them and realize they bought ALL the stuff you said you were gonna buy as soon as you got the money. Stuff they didn't even know existed until you mentioned them. And endless things like that. Being AFRAID of sharing your dreams and goals, because you know next month they'll have the same goals too.

I got rid of them ALL. And it was the BEST choice I've EVER made!

I got normal friends now, they have their OWN tastes!

They are not afraid to fight over what station we'll listen to in the car, because they like Salsa music, and me, I LOVE ROCK N ROLL! I CAN SHOUT IT AND NOONE POPS UP THE NEXT DAY WITH AN AC/DC ALBUM (unless it's a gift for me of course)!

My style has changed through the years (mostly because I NEEDED to change to make people recognize me from the clones I inadvertently created in my teenage years), now I'm a combination of a bit tomboyish, but sexy, hehe, I wear make-up now, I have a nice hair style, I use clothes that make me look girly with a bit of sporty (say: tight jeans, nice tight girly shirt, with sneakers), the guys approve! Haha...

All I'm saying is that having friends that are TOO insecure to be themselves can't make good company, I had to learn the hard way.

I have NEVER minded if my new friends get one or two things they've liked of my style or the things I like or buy, but when they try by ALL means to become you. Then the friendship MUST stop if you want to keep your sanity.

I'm sorry if this was huge, but if I can spare at least ONE person of the hell I lived as a teenager, then all this writing was worth it.


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A male reader, guppypig United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

You should stop being so predictable.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

My friend is really starting to get on my nerves. I decide to buy some shoes that i liked for ages, what happens i see she bought them too! i swallowed that but than later on i buy this does she ..i buy this amazing cell phone.. she buys it too! i buy this really black cotton jacket..guess what ..TA DAAA! the freak buys it too..its soo annoying really..its like she spends her whole freakin time to do the same shit i do..i buy some locions for body ..she does the same thing ..she said i liked the way you smell .. i mean come onn give me a break!!!!!

help ASAP plzz?!!!!!!!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes what is even more irritating than having a friend copying you is people telling you that its a compliment. I dont feel any particular sense of gratification or self-worth when I see that a friend starts doing her hair like me, or wearing the same clothes. It makes me feel unoriginal and like IM the one that has to make the extra effort to be different, when really its the copier that is having the identity crisis.

I actually had a fight very recently with a friend who has been copying me, and it just irritated me to the point where I didnt want anything to do with her anymore. Im a big fan of The Body Shop and I buy alot of products there and when me and her first became friends, she'd always say things like "Why do you go to that shop? Everything there is such a waste of money, you dont even need (insert product name)". Then one day I went round to her place, and I see an entire shelf full of products from The Body Shop. I asked her about it, and she hesitated then said 'Oh yeah...that...well you know, my mum was the one who actually bought everything because she said that its all really good...'. Then she bought an eco-bag from there and whenever people compliment her on it, she says things like "Yeah I really love The Body Shop, Ive always loved their products."

I also do my hair in a braid style (I braid the front section of my hair, I get alot of compliments for it). Im not going to say that I created the hairstyle, but I do it alot and everyone sort of treats it as my signature. Then I stopped doing it for a while, and a few weeks later I see HER doing the exact same hairstyle. Then I did it the next day, and then a mutual friend commented on how much we looked like sisters, when in fact it was a hairstyle that I liked doing and that she had just done it to copy me.

She also wears her school uniform alot like me (I wear my shoes with the backs down because I get blisters, she just does it because I do), she carries the same bag as me that I bought while we were both shopping, and she even talks like me and uses expressions that I like using.

Then one day when I simply implied that she was copying me, she totally lost it and told me that I didnt invent everything that I did/wore/etc and that I should stop being an immature little sh*t.

The fact is that copiers very rarely REALISE that theyre copying you. They dont make a particular conscience effort to do so, and they usually dont realise the extremity they take it to. To them, they just copy one or two things at a time and it seems like no big deal, but to the person being copied every little thing is extremely irritating.

There is really little else that is as irritating as being copied.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009):

My rmate is the ultimate creep. It started out from earlier on in the semester. I am a very good cook, so i tend to create a lot of dishes. She started making the exact same dishes i was creating, and taking credit for coming up with the recipe when people complimented her on it. At first, i kind of just brushed it aside taking it as a compliment. Then things started to get worse. She started using the exact same brands as I. The same grocerry brands, the same mouthwash, makeup, etc (VERY ANNOYING AND CREEPY).

Finally, she seems to get very insecure when i buy something new because that means she has to go and get it too, which means she has to spend money she dosn't have. However, she eventually buys the stuff. Before i discovered her motives, she used to ask me first thing in the morning what my plans where for the whole day, and at night she would ask me to recount my day. everything i did, where i went. I didnt think anything of it until she started doing the same thing.For example, My breaking point, the reason why i am writing on this blog in the first place is because i told her that i usually work for this particular alarm company in the summer. I have been going for their training meetings every weekend. I just overhead her on the phone telling her mom that she was cancelling her initial summer plans, and has decided to work for the same company. She has kept this a secret from me. I guess she can now kind of tell that i dont tell her anything anymore and i am less able to hide my utter irritation and disgust. HELP!!! I am really getting to the edge. I am scared i would just explode soon and tell her to back off and get a life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008):

i hope she will soon not copy you or somebody els in life you can't just copie everything from somebody thats not the piont of life the piont is to do your own thing not someone elses she may do it now but maybe she will grow out of it we all have things we have to grow out of so maybe as time passes she will grow out of it but maybe not now or maybe never you just have to wait and see and i now waiting is going to hard but just do it and keep this page going tell about what happends next bye

p.s. hang in there girl

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A female reader, pinkiewinkie United States +, writes (5 November 2008):

well you should say i don't want to be rude but i can't be your friend if you can't listen to me and stop copying me so think about that and don't just walk away mad really think about it or we can't be friends sorry

well there you have it hope i could help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008):

I can really relate.

They are small things, but you're right. They really do add up!

When I started listening to Indie bands, my best friend started listening too, and when people asked her, "Where'd yo discover that band?" she said, "Oh, I was just cruising around on the internet."

When I started drawing anime, she started drawing it to. And everyone was like, "OMG, How cool!" and she was like, "It's nothin, really. I thought it'd be cool to try it out".

It's EVERYTHING! Funny remarks, clothes and fashions, brands, titles and border and the way she talks. It's all copied!

But then I realized, "Does she have a personality at all?"

I started to rethink why I was her best friend.

I think she was jsut unsure of how she would be if she were to act her true self. She was lost. I know you don't want to hear this, but I guess that she digs what you like.

Take this as a ompliment!

You said that she was by far the best friend you ever had, correct? Well, try talking to her, getting things straight, but if she is your bestest friend, she could be your best friend for life.

Just hang tight, see if it's just a phase she is going through, talk to her, and carry on. Friendship is a weird thing, really. It's those weird ways you get into a fight. It's the weird way she copies you like shes some stalker. It's the weird way that when you get over a fight, you don't apologize, but you just go back to your normal mood.

If these things are evident in your friendship, hold onto her.

If not, you might wanna think about exploring her personality - and if push comes to shove : end the friendship.

Hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008):

I totally know how you feel. My best friend copies the way i talk to the way i write. it's sickening. and then if she gets the same clothes, she'll be like "oh i didnt know you had that!" even if i'd had it for a year.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008):

OMIGOODGOD!!!! can i relate to you!!!! ugh ok so it started with when i began to try new things like rock music and different bands. Well my friend was a goody two shoes who is seriously ALWAYS perfect but soon she finds the songs on my ipod and shes like "THIS IS COOL!" and i'm like yep. So she brings her ipod to my house and copies like ALL my sons onto her ipod, I was like ok that's fine she's my friend. But then i started to try drawing manga pics (which i am really good at) and then SHE STARTS! Then i was like oh ok, i guess thats fine. But one day we were talking about drawing and then I'll never forget it...she said "yeah, but we both know i'm better" I was like WTF?! are you serious? ((in my head)) And from there it just got worse! Then it was reading manga, watching anime, getting purple contacts, a trip to Japan, clothes, only laughing at certain things... i know those all seem small and random but you're right..IT SERIOUSLY GETS TO YOU!!!!!!!! Ugh anyway i talked to my other bestie and we both figured that the reason my friend was copying was because personally she doesnt have a personality, she just copies others instead of doing her own thing.

Srry, just thought i might vent too. Well, i feel better ^^

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

I totally understand everyone's situation! I have a friend that copies everything I do too. I started drawing and was in this art class and she was admiring my drawings. Soon after she started painting. I was not angry at this because everyone needs something. Soon after we started painting on the walls in spare room. everything I painted she would hide behind furniture!! than she would say ( look at all my paintings!) They are not good by the way. She would copy from magazines and say that she painted them and sign her name. I soon stopped drawing and painting because she would think I was copying her new thing lol.

Another example my brother bought me an African design elephant when I was younger. When I got older I thought hey that would be cool to decorate my home like this! I told my best friend at the time. Soon after she had her whole house decorated like this, and than said that she was mad because her mom was copying her LOL. I didn't say anything because I felt well maybe I am over reacting.

I have always given her advice on many many subjects because she was a liar and a thief when she was younger. She was also a bad communicator and had a bad home life. I didn't have the greatest either.

Years later she had this friend and I was sitting in the same room and she was giving her advice (in my exact words to her) this other girl was saying that she was the best advice giver. She just said "I know I have always been good at that" ha ha ha!!. I said to my friend who gave you that same advice you gave? She passivley said YOU. She has been my friend for 17 years now. These things have happened over the years!

I am more angry now because she acts like she senses things! My mother died when I was 7 and before I knew my Best friend. I have always sensed things around me strange things. She knows this and now that she is older 28 she has to copy me??? she has been saying "I feel like I know her I sense her". I told her of course you do I talk about her. She said NO I actually feel like I knew her. Of course she does! I talked about her all the time! SHE THINKS SHE IS psychic when I know she is just going off my emotions! I told her when I lived there, that I knew she was in my house and I sense her all the time. WOW! I can't even have my own emotions!

I went to see a pychic and the lady said that my mothers spirit was still in my old house. I only lived in the one house with my family for 26 years. I am now 28 my friend has been there before with me many of times. I talked about my mother to her before and she never acted like anything. Now all of a sudden when we sold the house she was like I never wanted to get rid of the house. I said we had too My Dad was sick. She said I cryed when you guys sold it. I said yeah I am still drawn to it and will never stop. I said I didn't cry. She said "I did" I feel this is very very fake!. We had a lot of family problems and bad memories in there when my mom passed.

My best friend moved far from here 2 years ago. My Dad passed away a couple months after. When I talk about my Dad she is like yeah I looked at him as my father. I can see this, because he was a great man, but when my father died she didn't even go to the funeral. If you thought so highly of him you could find the money! She does have ways of getting money all the time through her family. She didn't even call me for weeks. She did send me flowers from there. She said she cried for weeks about my father and she misses him so much. I have never heard her cry when she talked about him! When I cry when I talk about him she turns it around so I have to comfort her ha ha!!! more competition I can't even mourn for my own family without the copy cat!!! my mother? she didn't even know her. So I guess now I am competeing for my past relatives.

OMG I am soo sorry to make this sooo long I AM JUST SOOOO ANGRY!!! I guess I need some help too LOL.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

I have friends and plus my brother's girlfriend copying me. and I hate it how do I deal with that? I feel like seeing myself to them, they copy with everything especially the things i like, even clothes and etc..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008):

well then your basically screwed, there's really no way to approach it in this perfect way you either have to break the friendship w/ her or tell her to stop mimicking everything you do. besides if she were your 'best friend' she would listen to you and respect your opinion. Godd!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

i know exactly what you mean, but when i get annoyed with my friend i feel like i shouldn't be but i can't help it, we would be at the mall, i would get a shirt i really liked, and she would by the SAME one in a different color, then i wanted these earing so i was going to pay for them and then she comes over with the same ones, so i put mine back and didn't get them :[, then i bought converse, my favorite shoes ever, and she bought them too, like not even a different color or design either, the SAME ones, and she copies all of the slang words i use and what bands i like. i just can't help but be annoyed with her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008):

OMG, I have the same friend. I am 29 years old and I have known her since I was 3. She has been coping me for what seems like forever. When we started to drive I told her I wanted a Truck, she got one. She had a white dress for senior prom, I bought a red one...She went and bought a red one. She is the same kinda friend you cannot talk to about things with out getting her upset. Now we are grown, I might not even still talk to her if her husband and my husband were not best friends for about as long as we have known each other.

When we went shopping I saw a painting I loved. 2 days later it was hanging in her living room. My husband and I talked with them about never having kids and how my husband would get a vasectomy 3 days later her husband was scheduled for the surgery. (He was not even 30 yet!) My husband never had one becasue we wanted to be sure. Now I am 12 weeks pregnant...they are looking into adoption!!

I don't know how to deal with this copy cat thing either, and it just keeps getting to be bigger and bigger things. A baby is NOT something to do just because someone else is doing it! I am so frustrated, I don't know how to deal with this. I don't understand why they have to do this right now!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

OMG! i have such i huge problem with that, i bought an item of clothing- a thing i really like and she bought it. She copies my jokes, my interests and it isn't just me she does it too! she does it to all my friends! sorry, this isn't helpful, just letting you know you are not alone in this. plus, she is so hypocritical and told someone off for NEARLY buying something she has! SIGH!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008):

Man, can I relate. My friend (best friend) is 35, and copies literally everything I do. It goes far beyond clothing and decorating. We're talking major life decisions, and things that define one as a person. The biggest and most frustrating is that I love to write, and had a book idea that was really good. She chips in one measly little suggestion, now it's "our" book idea. She doesn't even write! It's just crazy. I dressed up like a cheerleader for my boyfriend to have a little fun; lo and behold, she dresses like one for some guy using her for a booty call. I collect witches balls, now she collects them. I put in wood floors, she has to have them put in right after me. She even went to a funeral for one of my friends who she barely knew! It's bizarre. I love her, and really do not know what to do any more. It makes me want to just avoid her. Any ideas? Please don't tell me to be flattered, because I am not. I think it's sad , creepy, and just plain weird.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008):

Having my friend copy does not flatter me. It may seem flattering to others, but it's not if it's happening to you. It's feels creepy, like your identity is being stolen.

A friend of mine with confidence problems has been copying every haircut I've had (she has afro hair so gets weaves in exactly the same style so the copying holds no boundaries), immaculates my dress-sense, and buys exactly the same things like the exact same professional digital camera as me (even tho she has no interest in photography and I'm a professional photographer).

We are also close friends, and because of my friend's confidence issues I have sort of entertained her copying of my style (becos she does look good in it). But recently it's getting getting too much. I want my friend to be happy and look good, but I don't think believing that I am the definition of 'what looks good' will improve her confidence.

When a friend goes out and buy the same jeans as you, or a few occasions where they like a piece of garment and buy it is completely different to a situation where your friend copies the different choices you make.

There are varying degrees on how dangerous this can be depending on the person and situation but it will take creative problem solving to get myself out of this one! Otherwise the friendship will be too much...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

I am 35 and have a friend that is absolutely wonderful, and I love her. However, she is modeling herself after me- from exercise habits to diet to household decoration and certainly to clothing. I, to be fair, have done nothignto discourage this, believing that I was being a good friend and encouraging her to emerge from a shell she has been in since the tragic death of her fiancee. But, it's startign to get a little weird. And the weird part isn't the bad part- the bad part is that I feel as though the singular aspects of my personality are being usurped! I have long been her personal shopper, born with a natural gift for dressing others. Recently, we headed out to look for clothes for her, and she said about an outfit I had on, "I want THAT." So, I found her a replica of what I was wearing. Now, I can't wear my outfir anymore, because it was just individual enough that we look like a team when we're together (and we work together). :) Super dorky. She has proceeded to buy 17157571 more outfits that resemble mine identically. I recently got bangs cut in my hair, which actually makes my hairstyle resemble hers more. (I wonder if she thinks I'm copying her...) Today, she came in to work and asked me if I used hair paste to style my hair - that she was trying to go for a look like mine, but thought she was missing something. Of course, the cut is totally different - mine is a long mullet (for real), and hers is like a shoulder-length layered bob. I told her how I styled my hair. So, I can count on her returning to my office with an identical hairdo. Sigh. I guess I just need to vent. All in all, I'm totally grateful for her love and affection, and believe wholly that any mimicry is out of love and admiration. Stupid friendship. It's complicated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

I know exactly how you feel. My firend gets allt he credit for things i do, and people naturally think im copying her because she is very loud and outgoing. argh!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I have a woman friend (in mid 30s) who clearly is struggling with her own identity, and possibly more. She has copied not only my clothing styles down to what I buy she buys, but she even uses the same verbage - I told her I bought a cute "hoodie" sweatshirt, she went out a did the same thing and told me she bought a new "hoodie". She even copies my hair style and hair color - I'm a red head naturally, she colored her hair red. We've had people in our community tell us we look like sister, so I recently decided to cut my hair short and we didn't look so alike anymore. Two weeks later, she is going to get a new hair cut - what do you want to bet it's short when I see her next. I recently hosted a game night with a group of women we both hang out with. My home decor and kitchen island setting was quite beautiful that evening. The compliments poured in - people had a great time, she didn't/couldn't say a word. Next thing I know she tells me she bought a kitchen island, and I discover through a meetup group we both belong to that she is hosting a game night through the meetup (which is different group of women - so no one will notice the copying she'll be doing). She's just nuts. My husband is very handy and built a beautiful California, walk-in closet in our bedroom. She is now having a walk-in closet built in her house. I work and have "clients" she got a job at a hospital as an aid and she calls the patients her "clients"!!! She copies EVERYTHING - down to the stain color I use on our deck. It's very very weird. The most blatent thing she said recently was that she wants a husband like mine and that's where I started to draw the line. I'm not worried about my husband - he things she's a nut job too. I don't bother with her anymore other than when it's in group settings. Hopefully she'll start to latch on to someone else. But I've NEVER met someone so completely out of tune with themselves that they had to copy someone for their total identity. I wonder what a shrink would say about it?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

I have this same problem and I am 56 years old! It isn't my bff, it is the woman who lives in the cottage next door to me.

We both moved in at the same time. It is one piece of property, but there are 2 cottages on the same lot.

The first week I lived here, I bought a humingbird feeder. Within 10 days, she had one too.

Then I bought a birdbath. She bought 2 of them.

I hung birdsheet in the tree, she filled one of her birdbaths with seed.

I planted a morninglory. She bought 2.

She is scary.

Then this happened today:

I always wear a bandana tied in my hair. It is my trademark.

This morning ..... she had one tied in her hair.

Anyone know where I can get a voo doo doll?



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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007):

I'm 30yrs. old and still an old friend since highschool still copies me. Although I've kept our friendship distant for this very reason. It's called insecurity on their part. They struggle with who they really are and so the next best thing is to copy someone they really like.

In my opinion, keep your ideas and opinions about this you truly like to yourself.

In my case they came to my house and saw my furniture.

Then when I went to visit them guess what, similar furniture at their house like mine. So no more invites to my house. We meet at a mutal place, cafe, etc.....

Or guess what when you get my age, write them off.

Don't call them, who cares. Like is bigger than that!

Highschool can be tough! I was there too!

But, If I had to do it over! Be unique by keeping your likes to yourself! Bestfriends don't have to tell each other everything!! Hope this helps!

Remember God is in ultimate control of Everything! Even copying!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

wow.....i feel EXACTLY the same way as you!! i met my friend this year in high school (im 13) and she COPIES ME!!! she didnt even know wat the nightmare before christmas was before i came along. i really love it, im obsessed. and now all of a sudden SHE LOVES IT TOO!!! its her birthday and shes going on and on about all of the nightmare before christmas stuff she has gotten!!! and she an only child so she gets spoiled and gets HEAPS more nightmare b4 xmas stuff than me!! and now shes going on about how shes going to get her hair cut in the same way as mine and get my shoes!! and i HATE being told its admiration..its COPYING!!!! and everyone compares us and likes her better then me, even tho they dont realise that she is stealing my personallity. shes prettier than me and now shes stealing all of my good traits as well. i!!! and i DONT want to tell her how i feel, she will just act like she feels sorry for me like everyone else does. i just thought it might be comferting 4 u to kno im going through the exact same thing as you. =D

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007):

i no whats its like and thats the problem me and my best friend have.. weve been friends for ages and she thinks im copying everything she likes.. for instance if she likes a certain band then i like it then she thinks that i copied her. your friend seems a bit over the top with copying but it really depends on different people. i try to talk to her about it but she gets angry, cracks it at me then storms off. if it werent for my friend then i would never have got into some bands and movies. obviously you are a role model for her. even tho it seems that she copies everything she must like utha stuff too,.. u no. almost all friends copy each other but the other friend duznt notice. as a matter of fakt i do hate most things that my friend liks. lmao.. welll gud luk with that


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006):

I know what you mean. I have survived traumas in my life, like rape, miscarriage, alcoholism after surviving the first two, and a drug habit that I am trying to kick. I tried to kill myself and I am in counseling, now myfriend saw my friends supported me and she's all of a sudden been raped more than me, and miscarried more than me, and says im gonna kill myself, you can call me tomorrow if you wanna make sure im not dead, and she says she is an alcoholic and heavy drinker but she drank 2 margaritas and she was plaatered and puked. I just know she is lying to get attention and she buys the same clothes, and i am raising my neice and she says she is raising her, and she even tried to hone in on a guy i was starting to get6 serious with and told him i was copying her and now he wont spoeak to me. ARGH...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005):

I have had the same problem in the past, and it feels like your identity is being taken away from you. Talk to her. Its the only way, other wise you will spend all your time looking for something that she cant copy. Ask her what shes really into and try and get some original ideas out of her and convince them that they are cool and something to be proud of.

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A female reader, Eighteen +, writes (22 December 2005):

Oh i know exaclty what you mean! At your age the reason she's copying you is probably that she's a bit insecure and see's you as something she can aspire to and by being like you, you will have lots in common and she can feel safe and secure. If you generally think she is good friend then stick it out. She'll grow out of it but in the mean time to shake her off so you have some peace and quite do something weird thats difficult for her to copy. Wear weird cloths, volunteer at an old ppls home, take up knitting, dye your hair pink. whatever it takes to get her back off with the imitations.

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A female reader, mommyofthree +, writes (22 December 2005):

mommyofthree agony auntIt is normal to feel troubled when you feel like someone is trying to be you. Like everyone else said it is a sign that she thinks highly of who you are as a person and is trying to be like that, a huge compliment. What really worries me is that you say she is your best friend yet you feel as though you can't talk to her. Friendships should be based on a mutual respect and ability to share feelings. Obviously you will not always like what your friends have to say but a true friend will always be there to listen. Because the friendship is important to you I would stick with it you will probably find that she will not copy you forever, she will either find herself as a person or find someone else to immitate.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005):

She sounds lke she might be abit lost about who she is or maybe she really admires you and wants to be like you. I think you should just stick twith her its probably just a phase and she will get out of it at some point,maybe try and get her out of the habit of doing everything you do by maybe doing stuff that she enjoys doing instead. I had a similar situation with a friend of mine but we never copied each other on purpose it was just by coincidence, somtimes we would turn up with same hairstlyes or similare clothing on or sometimes we would bump into each other at places we didn't know the other person would be at, i dunno it could be a chance she just enjoys the same tings you do but i think she is just copying you either way and it sounds like a phase and she will get over it at some point.

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A female reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):

First off, copying you is flattering. Your friend admires you and wants to be like you. Secondly, I can understand why you are getting frustrated - you want to be your own person and not be copied all the time. Stick with her, try not to get upset when she copies you, this way, she could be your friend for life.

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