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female
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anonymous
writes: My fiance and I have been together for 2 years now. We have known each other for 10 years before we got together. Last year he was in and out of jail. The last time he was in, there was talk of prison. So I made a really big mistake; I cheated on him with his best friend. We have worked things out, or so I thought. Now he worries so much about keeping me happy that, to be truthful, it kind of drives me crazy. I am happy with him. If I wasn't I wouldn't stay. But he doesn't seem to believe me. I know that's partly my fault. I have become distant, but that's because, one, I found out I'll never be able to give him the daughter he wants and, two, because it's hard for me to get close to him, knowing what I did to him. So my question is this: how do I get him to see I am happy with him?
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female
reader, gothica +, writes (23 November 2005):
look either tell him you are happy and to shut up or leave him that simple
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005): You must draw a line between allowing your life to be ruled by his insecurity, and taking too strong a stance and making him feel his fears are justified. Make it clear that you love him and want to be with him, but let him know that his actions risk upsetting things again. I think you really need to help him with his self esteem, which has undoubtedly taken a big knock. Maybe he would be willing to go to counselling to help get him feeling on top of things again. I don't think it should become your life's task to bolster his self esteem though. If he feels happier and more secure with himself, he will gradually loosten the tight grip he has on you at the moment, but be careful, because its not as though he doesn't have reason to be fearful given past events. He has lost his partner and best friend in a short space of time and must be finding it hard to trust anyone at the moment. I guess my advice in a nutshell is to show your commitment by deeds and the passing of time.Tread carefully, but remember that its your life first and foremost and you have to be really honest with yourself. Guilt is not the basis of a good relationship.
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