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female
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*ostinaz
writes: I am engaged to a man that I love very much and on a day-to day basis treats me very well. About 6 months ago, I was updating and "weeding" out some computer files, when I discovered that he was had hundreds of photos of his ex wife. I think it would be helpful for me to mention that they didn't have any children or assets together - I may be more understanding if that were the case. Now, mind you, not all of these photos were of the norm. Half of the photos of his ex-wife were XXX rated in nature. It was very painful for me to see.So, I ask him if we can chat a bit, and I told him about what I found. I didn't ask him to get rid of them - I just wanted to understand why he felt the need to keep them, look at them, and if he was still in love with her. Our talk went very well, and he insisted that he didn't have any need for them. He also promised over and over again that he would get rid of them because he didn't want to hurt me, and that he would be very upset if the tables were turned.Months pass, and he doesn't do what he has promised. There came a day when he had to meet up with the ex to exchange some paperwork and he says he wants to put all the pictures on a CD and give them to her. He says this is why he didn't get rid of them sooner. So we go buy some CD's, he downloads the pictures on them, but still doesn't delete the pictures from the computer. There were 2 CD's full - he said he had met up with her and given her the CD's and said he finally got rid of the files on the computer.Over this past weekend, while doing laundry, and putting his socks away in the drawer, what do I see? The CD's. I asked him what they were and he told me he didn't know and that they were probably blank. This is not the case - they are the same exact CD's he told me he gave to the ex. It turns out that he didn't get rid of the photos on the computer either - they just got moved to a newer more hidden file folder. Why would he lie to me about giving the CD's to the ex and getting rid of the computer files?We have a great relationship - we've never been in an argument, and I feel that we are extremely compatible. So how do I deal with this? Do I tell him that I know he's been lying to me? Do I try to rebuild the trust that he has broken with me? Do I let it go and not say a word? He lied about it so nonchalantly, that I'm afraid that this might only be the beginning to more distrust and lies. I'm really hurting over all of this and I look forward to getting some advice and opinions.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (24 May 2012):
I think he needs to be told by you, that his constant lying about this threatens the trust in your relationship. You’re already wondering if this is only the tip of the iceberg, because he seems to be able to lie with such ease about this. Tell him that if he’s not prepared to delete them, you’d prefer that he didn’t deceive you about it. Tell him that you expect complete honesty, so that you can work through your issues rather than undermine the trust in your relationship.
As for these photos, there could be many reasons why he wants to keep them. Apart from the existence of these pictures, is there anything else that leads you to wonder if he still isn’t over her? If not, I suspect that he wants to keep the pictures because the marriage was a period of his life, part of his past. Therefore, as a compromise, he should agree to remove the explicit photos from the CDS, or give the CDS to the wife and copy only the non-explicit ones back on to his computer. If he does refuse to delete the explicit ones, or he lies even after you’ve asked him only to get rid of the highly sexual photographs, you’ve every right to tell him he’s out of line and to suspect that these are being kept for reasons other than for old time’s sake.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, mpumie  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Let's u better delete them yourself. I was like u. Dating my bf for 6yrs and only to find a photo of his ex hidden, and the towels still kept on an unused drawer. I'm very emotional so I might says he knows what I'm capable. All I did was to destroy the foto and took those towels and everything that I found that wAs not mine and throw them on the dustbin. Atleast in your case u have asked, and if he loves u he will accept and won't ask why and where are those things.
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