A
female
age
41-50,
*iso31
writes:I've been dating someone for almost 3 months. We are both in our early thirties. Things are going very well. We have a lot of laughter together and can honestly say we have built a wonderful friendship. There is definitely mutual physical attraction. We see each other a couple times a week and when we talk on the phone, it usually is a very long time. We just went on a quick weekend away together which was wonderful.When we're together, we sleep over one anothers houses. We have had oral sex but not intercourse. Almost a month ago I initiated a conversation about sex. It had never been brought up nor had he "tried" for it. He takes things verrrry slow as evidenced as it took us about 8 or so dates before we even made out. I told him that I was ready to have sex with him and he told me he wanted to wait. I asked him "do you just want to wait and see how things go?" and he replied "I wouldn't word it like that, I guess I'm just a waiting kind of guy." I said as long as it's not me, and he said no. And that was the end of the conversation.A month later and still no sex, and no mention of it. I'm fine with waiting, I'm just unclear as to why were waiting. What could we be waiting for? Waiting until we are in love? My fears are that he is not wanting our relationship to reach that level of intimacy. Or, that there is some sort of issue he has with sex. Of course like most men, he has no issuses with oral sex :)Obviously I need to have another conversation with him about this but I don't want him to feel pressure. I also don't want to feel like the aggressor here, and would prefer we had traditional roles - man: tries to get sex, woman: wants to wait, and then has sex. How should I approach this?
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female
reader, miso31 +, writes (4 September 2008):
miso31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, a week ago I asked him to clarify why he wanted to wait and he told me essentially that it was important for him to wait until he knew in his gut he was in it for the long haul. Tonight he broke up with me, telling me he thinks the world of me but isn't falling in love with me. I'm devastated and totally didn't see this coming. Maybe I should've. Three months is a long time to not have sex with someone. I just have never met someone I'm so compatible with. This always happens to me. The last guy I dated told me essentially the same thing, "I have no idea why I don't have that feeling for you because everything is there." It really sucks.
A
female
reader, Dhian-X  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 well i would say that you should try and bring it up again. just ask him why he feels like this and tell him exactly the way you feel about it. but if i were you i wouldn't make him feel to pressured because if you felt like you wanted to take things slowly with him then i'm sure you wouldn't want him pressuring you. i'm not saying that you are pressuring him i understand where you are coming from because its been such a long time. there must be a reason to this but i'm sure its not because he doesn't love you or anything. mabye he is scared of something.let me know what happens.good luck,dhianxxx
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