New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224694 questions, 976681 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My Father Looks at My Breasts, Is This Normal?

Tagged as: Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 April 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, *epto writes:

I've wanted to post for a long time but I've been too embarrassed...when I started developing, I felt that my father would "check out" my body and look my chest, which he still does to this day. Actually he only look at my chest now (cup size B, nothing huge)and I always wear pants. I am an only child and have never had a physically close affectionate relationship with my father (he is Chinese and Chinese parents rarely show affection). I know that my parents had stopped having sex early on in the marriage and as a child I found a lot of porn hidden in the house - a suitcase of magazines, a huge stockpile of tapes. So when I started developing and not being "affectionately close" to my sex-starved father, maybe he started looking at me in that way.

He is actually a very good man who helps a lot of people overcome psychological problems and I've always been able to talk to him about my issues. BUT NOT THIS ONE. I've talked to my cousin about it, who has very large breasts that she can't hide and who my father visited. I asked her if she ever noticed if my father looked at her chest and she said yes. I asked her how she felt about it and she kind of chuckled, "that's just Uncle." (he's her favorite uncle, so he is by no means a creep - it almost seems like he doesn't know he's doing it or can't help himself) I also know that my father had a wetnurse when he was younger who left abruptly and might have caused some childhood trauma, so I think that issue along with the sexual deprivation in his marriage may cause him to glance at women's breasts.

As an adult in my thirties, when I see my parents I still have to find something baggy to wear that completely "neuters" me. Now I'm staying with my parents temporarily and the temperature's getting hot and I'm starting to get quite anxious because I have to take off the layers of clothing I've been covering myself up with. I hate wearing my bra during the day and I'll have to do that, and make sure I find some shirts that disguise my chest.

My first question is, is this at all normal for a father to glance at his daughter's chest? I've always been so creeped out by it. The second question is should I bring this up to my father and HOW? I can see myself getting very emotional and it would also be extremely embarrassing on both sides. Or should I just ignore it, say nothing, let it go and continue to wear my baggy shirts?

Thank you, your help would be greatly appreciated.

View related questions: bra , breasts, cousin, porn

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Pepto United States +, writes (24 April 2011):

Pepto is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much Cerberus!!!!! I feel so much less creeped out. Yes, I was also uncomfortable when my parents met my ex-bf's family for the first time; I was worried my father would look my bf's sister's breasts and she'd think he was a creep. I have tried the crossing my arm thing but that's usually if I'm not wearing a baggy shirt, to hide myself. I'll try it from now on whenever he glances there and maybe he'll get what he's doing and how uncomfortable it is for me. Thanks again to you and everyone.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (24 April 2011):

Cerberus agony auntAs a guy I think you have the wrong idea of this. He's not looking at your breasts, he's looking at breasts. He's not secretly lusting after you OP he's just a habitual breast looker. I have a friend like that and he just doesn't get how bad it is at all. I've seen him get lost in his own mothers breasts. Now you can quote all the childhood traumas you want about this guy, maybe she never breast fed him etc, it's irrelevant. He's not actually lusting after his mothers breasts he's just sexually frustrated and his eyes get transfixed sometimes because he's so used to staring at tits that his brain just does it when there are any women in the room. OP I've seen him stare at his grannies tits hehe. It's not an attraction thing OP, it's not lustful sometimes we guys just get so used to staring at girls tits that our eyes do it subconsciously, it can get so bad we catch ourselves looking at our sisters or mothers tits. It means nothing, it's not intentional but I can completely see why you would be creeped out and bothered by it. Especially if it's a long term ongoing thing

OP it will be easy to make him stop, he probably looks away as soon as he catches himself but you can stop him by covering your breasts and giving him a confused look every time he does it. He may not even realize he's doing it OP, so just do this every time and he'll figure it out. Be as subtle as you can, try not to blow this issue out of proportion or do this publicly you can make it stop without making a fuss. He's never touched you in that way OP, he's never been that way with you he's just a lonely man and your the only woman around it's a natural urge to look and he probably kicks himself each time he catches himself. Just make sure he knows you caught him, by subtly covering your breasts and giving him a confused "What the fuck dad?" look. If that doesn't snap him out then vocally tell him off any time he does it. Simply "dad stop looking at my tits".

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Pepto United States +, writes (24 April 2011):

Pepto is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answers. I think I will stick to the baggy shirts. My father and I are close (not affectionately or physically) in that I can go to him with most of my problems and I've confronted him about things he's done wrong as a father and he's always taken it in and apologized. He would never get mad at me or enlist my mother to throw me out, but okay, it would be too awkward. Unfortunately I may be living there for a while so I'll have to stick with my baggy shirts and light pants.

It is weird - he is s great father now - he'll always talk to me and will go out of his way to do things for me if I'm not feeling well - but in this regard, ugh.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011):

I am 21 years old and no it is not normal. I have a dad and I can say he hasn't looked at my breast in a pervy way and your dad must be doing it very obviously that you notice and feel you have hide yourself.

Mind you I did notice my brother looking at me in a strange way but now that we are older, he has a girlfriend that has stopped. Your father is a grown man, and you are his child...it is a bit sick really.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Smileypants United States +, writes (24 April 2011):

Smileypants agony auntNo, it's not normal. The fact that you have consciencely changed what you wear to combat this speaks volumes. I'm not sure you should bring it up...after all, you're staying with them and you're in your thirties. Move, asap!! I guess just keep on the "downlow" like you are. I just can't imagine a more awkward talk, and they may even get mad and throw you out. He'll deny to your mom or anybody else, for sure. Weird situation, sorry you're going through it...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011):

No it's not normal and I can see why it creeps you out. Saying that though if he's never acted or said anything inappropriate to you then I'd be inclined to believe perhaps he's not aware he's doing it that much or he just can't help it. The reasons you've mentioned could have contributed to this.

As for telling him, I suppose I'd ask you just how much does wearing baggy shirts bother you? Telling him might help to stop this behaviour but it's going to be embarrassing no matter how you bring it up. It'll also make the atmosphere very uncomfortable and awkward for a while but if it's bothering that much and you feel the need to bring it up then I should think if you are close to your father, you'll both probably get over it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My Father Looks at My Breasts, Is This Normal?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!