A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello my wife's dad died just under a year ago and in afew weeks we are going for a long weekend in blackpool with her family and our daughter because that where he liked to go, they went there a lot of holidays and because he spent a lot of his childhood there. So its just sort of something to remember him. I don't think they are actually doing anything special its just that its a nice place to go and it reminds everyone of him. She says she wants to have a good time and so do i. She says shes promising to not be misrable and have a nice time because she know he'd want her to and i've promised our daughter i'll go on the big rides with her. its just that when we get there somehow i don't think she will enjoy herself, i know she doesn't want to ruin it for anyone else but she can't help it. She took it the worst i think. Her mum had been expecting it and knew that it was always a possibility and so did her brother but she always hung on to the fact he would live which is what it looked like only a matter of days before he died. Is there anything i could do to make it easier for her whilst there and to make it enjoyable for her? Luckily we have got our own room because our daughter demanded she wanted her own room. To be honest i'm dreading it because it know its going to be hard for her and comforting her doesn't come all that easy for me. I don't want to be walking round and her just plodding along trying not to cry. Anything to prevent this? What can i do? Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Death is a really difficult experience for everyone. Mourning is a very personal process and there is no protocol for helping someone through it. However, there are a couple of things you should consider:
1. Try to talk about the wonderful time you'll have there and how everyone is going to have fun. Psychological preparation for the event can turn moods and prepare you to have a good time. If you keep saying it will be difficult and she will be moping all around, and it will be awful, this is the attitude you are taking so it will be likely you will face difficult situations with a pessimistic attitude.
2. Acknowledge her feelings. If she gets sad or talks about something that happened last time when her father was present, try to remember the good stuff. Bring up a funny memory or just hug her... let her grieve as this is a very necessary process for her. If you feel you are loosing her to memories, try to do something fun or outgoing, invite her somewhere, drive her attention to the present and to the wonderful time you are having.
3. Plan ahead. Since you want to have a good time and you know you can have a good time, plan for this. Family games, site seeing, fishing, whatever activities you think you will enjoy as a family. Be ready to cheer her up if necessary. Your daughter might be helpful in this planning.
She might cry and grieve and be sad, she lost her dad and that's ok. Cheer her, hug her and be there... everything will be ok!
Best of lucks!
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