A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family dont trust me and i cant stand it anymore. Its like im constantly under their parole and they really have no reason not to trust me. But its getting so bad i might just get up and leave. i cant be around negative people its taking its toll on mehelp! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): hey, we have the same situation here..
its ok, don't be upset.
use it as a motivation to keep yourself strong.
instead, you should prove yourself.
doesn't it feels great when you manage to prove yourself to someone that doesn't trust you?
and if nobody trust you, its ok.. at least make sure you trust yourself. thats the only thing you need.. have faith in yourself
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (9 September 2007):
It doesn't sound as if you have done anything like betraying them to make them loose their trust in you so you feel that you have to do something that will make them trust you.
Are you sure it is not trusting you as opposed to worrying about you and not letting anybody else hurt you.
As you mention the word parole I wonder if it is this as opposed to a lack of trust. By not letting you go out it sounds as if they are lacking in trust of others toward you as opposed to a lack of trust for you. I say this because you do not say that anything as ever happened to make them distrust you.
As spanna mentions "Make sure you do not have to go back" so if you plan to leave, do it properly so you do not have to ever go back with your tail between your legs.
If your parents are relatively negative people they will feed on something like that for years to come and would always drag it up when they choose to be difficult. When you move out it is worth taking the approach that you have burnt your bridges so you will hopefully be motivated to stand up more for yourself when tested.
Can you approach any of them either together or separately to tell them how you are feeling. Is there a relativve like an aunt, uncle or grandparents you could stay with for a couple of weeks to give you a break from each other and could they be a mediator between you and your parents?
Something needs to happen sooner rather than later. Please remember although it is their house and they may have some say there at the age of 18 you are a fully independant woman that they have no rights over.
I hope this has helped out a little.
Trev
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (8 September 2007):
You need to demonstrate that you are worthy of being independant. Do you have an education, job, credit, savings, and contribute to the economy of the household?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I sympathize. Parents today are bombarded, as everyone is by all the negative aspects of being a young adult today,.. all the bad things they see and hear in the media. They are concerned for you, though you may not think of it as "concern". It may be time for a serious "sit-down" with them. You are a girl (young woman) and this increases their concern. But you need to emphasize that you are an adult and responsible. You appreciate their concern, however, and realize they would not be proper parents if they were not. Talk about what reason they have that they might think you are not responsible. Don't be argumentative. Just be straight-forward. Get on a friendly basis with them. What are your plans for your future? What do you want to do? I am sure they would like to know. Do you? If not, tell them about your undecidedness and ask for patience. But you should be thinking about this. Before you "chuck" the family relationship, think very carefully. It may be hard to repair. And there will come a time when you wish you had it again, believe me. And don't overlook family counseling. There are people trained very well in this, and I am sure they are available in your area. Best wishes. Tom
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