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female
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anonymous
writes:dear cupid....My boyfriend and i are both seventeen years old and love each other very much..we are realistic and are taking things one step at a time, ie we don't exactly expect to stay together forever...the problem at hand is that we are both muslims who are part of a society where everyone likes to stick their noses into each others business, where most things are against our religion. neither of us are treated nicely by our families and as a result have nothing left to say to them. We want to take off together, away from all of this nonsense, but I am starting to wonder how we'll cope. I am due to start university in September and he is due to do a college course then, I don't want to destroy our chances to make careers for ourselves, but at the same time, though I love my family, they are making my life hell and i want to get out of here. What do I need to know?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): dear lady be nice one i think u will be happy if u leave ur family and that is bad make ur mind possitive
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 I myself being a muslim. I would say stick to your religious beliefs. You and I both know that if you are a Muslim that it is very disciplened and alot of things are for your better good. It does work trust me. Just don't let your family confuse culture with religion. Follow your heart and trust the judgement of the Almighty. Salaam.
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A
female
reader, uonlyliveonce  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 you've said yourself you dont expect it to last forever so why lose your chance of an education and destroy you relationship with your family for something that wont last?
if you had strong enough feelings forever you would just leave and not be asking for anyones opinions.
i'd say most sensible thing to do is put up with your family for know get an education and then if your stil unhappy later in life get out of it and do whatever you want to make you happy.
i'd say explain to your family how they make you feel but i understand this probably wont have much effect in a muslim family.
keep seeing this boy if you can theres only so much your family can say, if you leave your family know you wont get far and its unlikely you'll be able to cope so stick with university and then you've got rest of your life to take off wherever you like.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): A difficult situation.
You might get some advice telling you to do what you want to do, but I think perhaps they don't the Islamic tradition that you, and your boyfriend, are part of.
I don't think you should take off together, not at this crucial stage in your life. If you and your boyfriend do this, you don't know how your family will react. If they are as strict as you infer, they may disown you for what they see as betraying them. Is it possible to cool down your relationship enough so that you can remain with your family, and start University whilst still having a commitment with your boyfriend?
University will change you a lot, it will challenge who you think you are now, you'll meet a lot of new people and, you'll come out of it feeling a very different person than you feel now.
There is a (possibly) high chance that such an experience will put too much strain on your existing relationship any way. Your family, on the other hand, will always be there for you, even if they do want different things for you. You must understand that they want the best for you, and whilst you are still young, they still have a lot of control on you - but as you get older, they will hopefully treat you like more of an adult.
You and your boyfriend are both young, and you say you are realistic and taking each step at a time. If this is true, with the start of University coming up, I think you should put this, and your family, before your boyfriend. If it's "meant to be" - you and your boyfriend will remain commited to each other through the next few years as you will both change dramatically.
I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do, good luck at University :)
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