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My ex looks like his working through the problems that broke us up, but I feel insecure and unsure about him...

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2007)
A , anonymous writes:

I've been with a man who cheated (massage parlor), smokes a lot of pot, and who gets verbally abusive (sometimes physically aggressive). It's been a year since I moved out and broke it off with him. Now he's showing signs of change, and growth. He would like to work on our relationship through couples counseling. Is it worth my time and emotional investment? I do love him, but am absolutely terrified of any of those three things happening again. I am overly sensitive, suspicious, and insecure about the relationship. Should I pursue professional help, or realize that such major changes are impossible to human nature? Is the old adage, Once a Cheater Always a cheater true....Can an angry man with a self medicating drug problem mend his juvenile ways? Thanks for any feedback.

View related questions: insecure, moved out, smokes

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

I'm sorry but what is it about this dope smok'n, cheater with an abusive temper that's worth taking back. What is it about you that would want him back. Get some counsiling NOW!

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A reader, psychic1 +, writes (6 June 2005):

Yes,people can change if THEY want too. What's positive about your situation is that you have a lot of self worth.Good on you for leaving when you did back then.as it showed him that you have boundries & that he was steping over them.He may have come from a family background where boundries did not exsist.Go to counselling with him, but live apart until you are secure with his behaviour. If pot smoking is somthing you cannot cope with, do not consider it until he has given up for over 3 months minimum.The counselling would need to be at least 6 sessions with both of you going, then on going for him for awhile longer.Re-avaluate things in 4 to 6 months then tell him if you are willing to TRY again.All the best with your journey.

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A reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (1 June 2005):

Only you can decide if you love him enough to go through all the counselling and everything, but I believe the phrase "Once a Cheater Always a cheater" is true. I believe it's in people...like a personality! and it's something that you can not change.

I think you deserve to be with a nicer guy. Nice girls should be with nice guys and be treated nicely! and not be with rude cheating druggies!

good luck! xXx

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