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female
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*ecky0412
writes: We still have sex!Me and my ex partner split up about 3 weeks ago now, and he said that he wanted us to remain friends as we have to children together.We sleep in seperate rooms but we have started having sex again recently. Just as I thought things were going really well with us I asked him if we could give our relationship another try but to my surprise he said no. I just don't know what to do. Does he want to be with me or not?
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (4 October 2005):
He is a bastard (excuse my french), he dont want a relationship with you, and is using the children for an excuse to get sex!
he doesnt want to be with you, he werent raping you, you wanted sex too, you are really fucked up emotionally - are you having sex with him for the childrens sake so they still have a father? Are you having sex with him because you are desperate? Or Were you having sex because you thought that would make him change his mind about not wanting a relationship with you? - i am a male and i think most men would take advantage for the sex BUT in fact they are LESS likely to want you for a relationship then if you didnt have sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005): First of all, you need to immediately stop having sex with him and ask yourself WHY you are allowing him to use you??If you continue sleeping with him, you are only serving to further perpetuate the the pain & heartache you're already going through. Your bf is looking to have 'justsex' with you, but doesn't want anything more. He already said no to a reconciliation and that is a HUGE indicator that doesn't want to work on this relationship. So save yourself further grief, and value your self-respect by ending the sexual trysts with him. You are so worth so much more than that..and you tell him "dear, it's all or nothing". This may get him thinking about treating you with more respect and knowing that you value yourself. If at sometime down the road, his desire to be with you is genuine, use it as a catalyst to address the conflicts between you. Give him a clear message that says, "I still love you and want to try to work out our problems together with a counselor. If you're willing to do that and come home, then we can renew what we once had." Accept nothing less. You owe it to yourself and your happiness.
By doing this, you'll protect yourself from more pain as well as potentially lay the groundwork to repair this relationship. If he's only trying to alleviate his guilt or look out for his own interests, you'll always be just be a quick flash in the pan, which will leave you more hurt and mistrustful. I know this is a tough line to hold when you still love him, but by him using you for his sexual needs, only, he's broken the bond of trust. Take responsibiltiy for your own hurt and stop having sex with him and don't ever allow him to do this again to you. My heart is with you, dear. Keep being strong and get out there and have a happy, fulfilling life..with or without him. Take care, hun
Hugs,
Irish
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A
male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (3 October 2005):
Without knowing what caused the original split, my first reaction is that he is taking advantage of his current situation; he is no longer committed to you, but he still gets to ahve sex with you (the whole cake and eat it to deal) You need to be firm with him (If you actually want him back, that is) and tell him sex is something people in a relationship do; if he wants to continue the physical relationship, he needs to invest in the emotional one as well.
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