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My ex is saying bad things to my current bf about me. What shall I do?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm pretty sure I've caused a 'disagreement' between my ex and my current guy. Apologies, this will be a long post!

Basically, My ex (S) and I have been together on and off since December 05. The last time we broke up was in October and since then we've been sex buddies whenever he's not in a relationship. I've been on anti-depressants since January and I'm finally feeling like myself again after a lot of councelling, which made me realise I needed to make some serious changes. I stopped waiting around for my ex to fall back in love with me and put myself out there. I'm moving on, I've got about 5 guys at the moment who are all showing serious interest in me.

Things are getting serious with one of these guys inparticular (P). I see P every weekend and stay in his house, we're not in a relationship yet because I told him I need to make sure I'm 100% over S before I get myself into another relationship, which he respects, but I've told him I want him as my bf in the future.

Unfortunately things get complicated as I met P through S and they are friends (not very close). S started Bullshitting about me to P before he got involved with me to try and put him off me. I confronted S about this the other day and it turned into a full blown argument. He's not used to me arguing with him because I always used to be so scared of losing him that I'd back down at the sign of any conflict. He said some really harsh things, so when he texted me asking for P's number yesterday I told him he owed me an apology and that he should ask me nicely instead of treating me like dirt, and wouldn't give him the number. He told me to pass on the message to P that he should watch his back. I asked P what it was about and he said he didn't know, we are both assuming it's something to do with our relationship.

The bit that confuses me is that S makes it clear to me that we will never get back together, and he is in a relationship with a girl that he's been completely in love with for months. Why should he care what I get up to? I know loads of his ex's who've gone out with his mates before and it didn't bother him.

How should I handle this? Get involved or stay out of it?

View related questions: broke up, get back together, his ex, my ex, text

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A female reader, chrissy32789 United States +, writes (17 May 2007):

chrissy32789 agony auntDear anonymous writer,

It sounds like S is jealous of you and P, and it is ok for him to move on but its not ok for you! Alot of people go through this S. may not be over you and if he is he dont want you to move on so he is going to tell P. a hole bunch of lies about you so that P dont want to be with you, you should handle it by going to P. and telling him the truth about things like if you did S. wrong and what you did that way S. cant say shit thats not true and P. will know that you are telling the truth, and see if P. really belives what S. is saying, but honestly it sounds like S, doesnt want to see you move on, because u are always there for him when he is single, and now that you are with P. he cant come running to you every time, well good luck and i hope it all works out for you!

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