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My ex is obsessed with me and won't leave me alone!

Tagged as: Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 September 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2010)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I am 16 and I just broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. Throughout our relationship he has been annoying, posesive, and obsessive.... Before we went out i saw him differently then i thought he was. Now he wont stop calling, texting me and trying to make me feel guilty. He allways finds ways to stop by when i dont want him to. I dont know what i should do, because he asked me out agian i said no and he wont stop trying.

It has gotten to the point where my parents cant leave me alone at the house... What should I do? I need advice, please answer back.

View related questions: broke up, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

Make it as clear as possible that his advances are unwanted. Be serious, direct, and keep it simple. It doesn't matter if it "hurts" his feelings -- what matters is that the message gets across. The best way to do it is face-to-face with a parent or teacher mediating. Do not do it alone.

Which brings me to my second point: speak with your parents. Your parents love you and want to protect you, and from what it sounds like, you've already spoken to them about this. Good. While you're at it speak about this to your headmaster/principal or let your parents do it for you.

Hopefully an adult will contact his parents/guardian and they can handle the situation from there.

As someone that's been through this back when I was a schoolgirl I regret not being more open about it with my parents. I kept it secret and it was a huge weight on my shoulders. Please speak to an adult and have them speak with your ex-boyfriend and his parents.

Before I forget: archive and/or print e-mails and texts he sends you. They might be useful later. Remember do not reply to them.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (2 September 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntBlock him from your cell phone and never pick up your home phone let someone else answer. Then I would threaten him with police action if he doesn't leave you alone. Call in the help of all your mates male and female to help you avoid him you can get them to form a kind of protective barrier around you (metophorically speaking). Once he finds another person to target he will leave you alone. Thankgod you got away from this guy cause this kind of behaviour only gets worse.

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A male reader, Ages United States +, writes (2 September 2010):

As a twenty two year old male I want to make sure you understand something very clearly. You are a valuable person and have a right to your personal boundaries, period. You already know this, but I want to say it anyway; your boyfriends happiness and needs are not in your hands. There is no reason for you to feel guilty for protecting yourself from an abusive relationship.

You have already recognized several signs that throw a huge red flag up for me. I have just graduated from a personal development class that goes in depth with relationships. This really is a serious matter, I would highly recommend filing a complaint with your local police. (just get it on file and let him know you are serious) If his parents are responsible, see if your parents are willing to talk to them. Ask them if they could communicate your boundaries to them and let them know about your boyfriends abusive texting and trying to make you feel guilty. Make sure you have talked to him about this, let him know that you expect him to respect your decision to move on.

Your boyfriends' being possessive and obsessive tells me that he is not ready to handle a serious relationship or treat you with dignity. This is most likely out of fear, it is manipulation, a type of emotional abuse. You are worth more then this and I am confident that if you continue to respect yourself and grow you will have a beautiful and healthy relationship in your future.

Sincerly,

Peter A. Neerdaels

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A female reader, Oregongrl1 United States +, writes (2 September 2010):

Your parents need to do 2 things! one they need to get a restraining order against him and secondly have a talk w/ his parents! that is not good, that he is not taking no for an answer. becareful and watch over your shoulders it's a shame you have to do that but for right now until your parents takes this seriously and gets a restraining you need to becareful!!

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

I know what that feels like, i've had a physically and emotional abusive relationship as well. At first they seem all caring, sweet, "Mr. Perfect", and then they turn on you. You didn't mention the age of your ex, because he really needs to sort his life out. I know this is dramatic, but if it has gotten as serious as you're saying, I think you need to go to the police - or someone that you can talk to at least. Good luck x

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