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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex boyfriend never did care about me. He lied, went behind my back seeing other girls, complained to his friends about me - about how he did't want to be with me. After more than one year of not being in a relationship and treating me rather badly for the two and a half years we were together, he wants to be "really good friends". Why? Why, when he won't even tell his friends that we are friends. His reason is because he was so "broken up" when we broke up, he doesn't want them to know yet. Broken up- yeah, right! He started dating a month out of our relationship- not that he ever stopped when we were supposedly 'together'- so yeah, I totally believe him to be broken uo about us. Last few months have been promises of changing- why? Why, when he's obviously never wanted to be with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): It doesn't really matter why he is doing it, only he has the answer any way and I doubt even he knows why....it is probably just an emotional decision anyway which logic will not define.
It sounds like he wants you for emotional support since you have known him well in the past and he is on a self improvement kick....he wants you to stroke his ego and help his self confidence more than likely....if you don't like him anymore, if he hurt you and you don't want to be his good friend because it would hurt you or irritate you, then don't....like I said you don't owe this to him.
Ask yourself why you want to know why he is doing this? Are you looking for signs that he really wants you back?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Hi all! Thank you for your replies. He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to be with me ever, but insists that he wants to be 'good friends'. Plus, going on about how he's changing for the better- why do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I think it is impossible to say "why" he wants to be really good friends with you....he said he was really broken up after your break up, well, maybe he was....he may not have felt he was ready for a serious relationship then, and after a long period of time he possibly feels regret for the bad way he treated you.....that said relationships are between two people, so you probably had some negative relationship patterns as well. So if you do start up a relationship again it has to be different from the old one with new boundaries, new rules and a clean slate, you have to start from a place of forgiveness (but not forgetting what happened) and communicate your needs, wants and expectations.
You do not OWE him friendship, however, and if you don't think you feel that for him or even want to go there, then don't....don't look back and move on with your life and tell him to do the same.
If you do want to just be friends then that is fine, but if you are doing it in hopes of something deeper and more lasting and romantic, then be honest with yourselves and tell him you don't want to "just be friends", that you would like to rekindle your romance. This time don't rush into getting back together, start as friends and work from there, no jumping right back into bed together until you feel secure in the relationship first.....take things sloooow.
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A
female
reader, 198419were  +, writes (4 March 2009):
He doesn't deserve you - he's messing with you!
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Did he take some time away after the break up? If so this is a good step he as taken but you may need more time to evaluate if you want to be friends with him. Establishing friendship after a breakup and a prolongued period of time that gives you both time and space to clear your minds, this is a good indication that he may want to eventually get back together with you. But this also means that he is taking the step of restarting a solid friendship with you first.
I guess it can't be a bad thing if you both can maintain that friendship and do not complicate it with the past, for if you do, you will highly likley be back at square one.
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A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Same old story sadly :( he isn't getting any, so thought he would try his luck with you again. They all promiss they are a changed man, which normally lasts for a month if your lucky, then they revert back to how they was before.
I would tell him to get lost and find someone else to mess around with.
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