A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm at another crisis point in my mental health!!!!!!!!!! Have experienced parental alienation at another low blow point... my ex has officially decided to cut me out of our daughters life and has blocked contact... Don't know how I've survived all the abuse from it over the last 8 years, In fact, I struggled for the first 30 years of being alive and it has taken tremendous effort to surive this experience on earth, Have finally got to the point of realising that I can't cope with it anymore! Happy to take on the role of a bad mom, because I no longer love my daughter and just feel relieve that she is now out of my life! I genuinely don't know how I've survived everything!!! But I'm officially done with her full stop! I feel so much resentment towards her with everything that's happened, And feel that she's no longer worth my time... to be completely honest! And I don't even care about being labeled a bad parent! At least it's the authentic truth! I refuse to go through any more of what's happened and have just about survived it all, in addition to suriving everything else that was all too much! My ex has won... he was determined to rid me from their lives,Far too much detail to go into, but being at the end of my tether with dier with mental health means that things have defiently gone past my control now, I just want to be left alone, I am completely done with circumstances,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2023): anonymous responder,at no point have I ever blamed my daughter for the first 30 year's of finding it challenging to live this life as an experience,,,, Simply put, I was explaining causes and effects into why it had now become too much of a challenge to cope with the attachement I now hold to my daughter,,,The parental alienation has compounded in effect, to what was already difficult in circumstances, to deal with, prior to this experience with my ex,,,,The psychotic episodes, survived, were bad enough in and of themself. To try and stay stabalised as a normal person, who isn't impacted by ptsd trauma, perhaps, is proving to be too much of a challenge,,,,You've wrote "you can't blame your ex for wanting the best for your child even if you're not in it"... the thing is, my ex does NOT have our daughters best interests in mind when he has manipulated her thinking, from a young age, as a result of parental alienation,,,, Parental alienation is actually a form of emotional abuse to a child.Only, I wouldn't expect most people to understand the pathology behind parental alienation, when its roots are so deep and complex,,,, Is it really true that I wouldn't write on here if I didn't love my daughter deep down... or would it not be possible for a person to feel so stressed that they write to regulate anxiety instead,,,, You mean well, as you've also wrote about reaching out to more appropriate services, beyond the scope of this forum (in addition to other key points made),,,, I'm actually starting to feel much better now, although still have far to go, until reaching previous states of happiness and well-being,,,, Truth is, my ex has been running the same behavioral patterns for a very long time! He actually said in the past, in a vindictive sense, that he wanted me out of their lives... It seems that for while, my daughter has been going back to her dad and making up lies that factually aren't true! Her dad then blows up and makes everyone's life a misery,,,, Her dad has orchestrated unnecessary conflicts, which has resulted in the breakdown of a mother and daughter relationship... he has negatively influenced a small child, from a young age (as if it wasn't bad enough for her to have a mom with mental health),None of this ever happened when our daughter, was mostly in my care. She stayed with him every weekend, no problems, no interference, she had an equal attachement to both us! This was actually proven through court, btw,,,,How I feel right now is happy to be out of it! I shouldn't have to suffer domestics, in order to have a relationship with my daughter! I shouldn't have to keep going through the same abuse pattern with an obvious bully, who's clearly aware of the vulnerabilities behind my mh,,,, Oh well, I'm more or less done with things now! Have seen this pattern take place for too long, can see that it would destroy the rest of my life if left to continue on with,,,, I don't hate my daughter anymore, or feel that much love overall... I just feel indifferent,,,, If I was supposed to feel any other way, then it would happen naturally... it's human emotion though and not human logic,,,, We can't fake how we feel, we feel how we feel, because every cause has an effect...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2023): Honeypie, that's the same thing that had happend to me also! I couldn't afford legal services, but my ex could!
I ran away nine weeks after her birth, due to the relationship being toxic and abusive in nature.
Had never put any blockages in the way for my daughter and her dad having a farther & daughter relationship together.
In December 2015, I relapsed in my mental health again with psychotic depression. Things were extremely challenging prior to that point.
My daughters dad manipulated circumstances so things could eventually go to court! He had the stronger case, beyond finances!
I was judged negatively for having a diagnosis in my mental health and there was huge key factor around safe guarding a issue in that respect. At least from the courts point of view!
I am so much more than just my mental health! And still capable of being a parent, beyond being vulnerable in mh.
Would think to put my daughters safety and well-being first, if at a crisis point in mh.
Anyhow, it feels that circumstances have been manipulated time and time again, in reference to the connection I share with my daughter -- including time that I was legally supposed to spend with her based on the court order.
Everything had already become too much to deal with in 2021! When parental alienation had massively impacted my mh.
Must have managed to pull myself through insanity! Like quite literally! Mental insanity! I'd called the police and screamed down the phone I want to kill myself...
Simply didn't know how to cope with everything previously experienced in my mh.
I had to change my phone number in January of this year! I could no longer cope with my daughter having access to my number -- without feeling induced panic attacks in the form of clinical insantiy, etc.
There is now so much trauma in my attachement towards her, that it pushes me to the edge of suicide and mental insanity.
I simply cannot cope with the thoughts of keeping her in my life and can't cope with trying to get her back into my life.
Financially, my income is too low, so there is no legal entitlement for child maintenance to be paid (where I live).
Of course, my ex hated that! Although I didn't get child maintenance payments when our daughter lived with me for the first 6 years of her life.
I didn't really expect it either, as he didn't have that much money, so thought as long as he takes care of her, whilst she's with him, then that's all that matters.
Note: I just want to add that the reason why I think he initially didn't want to return our daughter into my care was for financial reasons.
He was just starting his new business at the time! And was getting child benefit and child tax payments, regularly, with no gaurntees of a high income fir his computer business.
In the end, I'd anticipate that he wanted to keep our daughter all to himself and that it became a power trip to use the court order and weaponise my mental health against me! Not a fact, but just something I'd guess,
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 October 2023):
 I'm so sorry you have gone though that kind of hell. Is it possible to give up your parental rights? So, you are no longer responsible financially either?
I feel sorry for you kid, (depending on her age) your ex has her mind so warped that she no longer knows up from down, right from wrong.
My husband grew up with an abusive father who after his wife (hubby's mother) left - took custody of all the kids - HE could afford a lawyer, she couldn't so he got custody. Only the oldest told the Judge that he would keep running away until he was allowed to live with his mom (I think he was 9 or 10?) Because he had SEEN the abuse done to his mom. My hubby was little so didn't know anything about abuse, only what his dad told him. Lies after lies. And he believed those lies. So did the other kids. It took him until he was in his 40's to meet his mom again. And for him to SIT and listen to his oldest brother tell him the truth. He is still grabbling with it.
Find yourself a GOOD counselor. OR a GOOD friend who will lend an ear. Secondly, JOURNAL everything, let it out on paper. So you can later LET it go.
I can't imagine being alienated from my kids.
I wish you peace of mind and a future without drama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2023): As a RMN you need to reach out to your health facilitator and look for counselling. This forum can't provide what you need ..You certainly have unresolved emotional issues with your daughter and the ongoing issues surrounding her and your ex husband. Its not your daughter's fault if you have had a hard life or trauma early in life that has affected your life throughout. You can't blame your baby girl . You can't blame your ex either for wanting the best for his child even if that means you're not in it . I can't offer to much opinion as you're vague in your post about the circumstances but certainly.. you wouldn't post if deep down you didn't love your child .Take a step back ..deep breath and get some help .keep a diary .. write a letter of how you feel then burn it . Please please please don't blame your young daughter on how things have went . She may wish to know her mama later and you may be at place to offer that ...Be kind to yourself too
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