A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage at the moment but we have a lot of difficulties to overcome first. I'm white british muslim convert and he's egyptian muslim. he told his family about me just recently (we've been together for 2 years). his mum is totally racist and refuses to meet me on the basis that i am white and therefore i must be a tramp. she insists that the only person he should marry is an egyptian muslim. he tells me that they have been arguing about this since he told her about me at the end of last year. he tells me that she sends him loads of texts and emails each day on this topic that he finds really upsetting. we discussed all this a few days ago. he is scared that she will not attend our wedding which she has threatened him with (my parents and family definitely won't attend as they disagree with my conversion). he is worried that our children won't have grandparents (his father is dead) and that i won't be able to bring them up properly if he dies or whatever. i got very upset when he said this and he changed his story to say that he would marry me even if she didn't agree. he seems very confused and conflicted and i feel quite hurt. i think this situation is likely to end up with me having a broken heart and him marrying a pretty egyptian muslim as per his mother's wishes. but i think i should give him the benefit of the doubt for now. he has said that i will meet his mother in may and we will plan a wedding in august. how do i support him in this situation? i never know what to say when he is off with me because he's arguing with her or whatever. i don't find him easy to share my worries with on this topic. i have told him that i don't think his mother will like me for months or years to come and may only come round when we have children. this made him very upset. i don't fit into his 'dream life or dream family' and i don't know what to do now. he says he doesn't want anyone else, including an egyptian girl but i feel so scared that he'll leave i keep asking him how we'll overcome his mother ... but he never has an answer and it only esaclates our stress! it's all quite upsetting and part of me really wishes i hadn't gotten myself into this messy situation.please help!A
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Its not your parents, or his parents, decision who either of you should marry.Forget all of them.They want to be racist and Religiously judgemental then they lose two good sons and daughters.This a sacrifice you HAVE to make if it comes to it. You happiness as a couple is more important than appealing to any family tradition or racist doctrine.F*** anyone who judges based on race or religion. Flynn 24
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