A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have a bit of a bad history in terms of getting myself into stupid situations and doing bad things (to myself not others).I have just rekindled an old friendship that I was really happy about as I am trying to move on from my more debaucherous lifestyle and get back on track as I am suffering from depression and low self esteem and want to get back on track.However another of my friends was invited round with me the other day and all sorts of stories came out involving me taking drugs and things and also how i've basically been picked on and attacked through my life mentally and physically with the scars to prove it (this is relevant because it embarrasses and makes me feel weak and I feel if I feel like that it will continue). The drugs thing especially is bothering me - I have tried a few things a few times and want to put that in my past but how can you do that when stories keep coming out. My old friends were shocked and he was with his gf and younger sister who i've also known for years. I know the family well too and I'm almost certain it will get back to them as the little sister still lives with them. It upsets me to think they think so badly of me and it has put me in a real feeling of depression. I feel I've ruined another part of the innocent me by ruining my old innocent friendships.Please, I don't need to be told how stupid I am for taking drugs or 'that's what happens when you do'. I know we all make mistakes but what can you do to keep them in the past and not let them haunt you?
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drugs, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 January 2012):
 Putting the past behind you is a good thing and something you CAN tell others if they bring it up. However, you DID do these things in the past, they are part of who you were, not who your are now.
EVERYONE has done things they are not proud of and that they regret passionately. But what's done it done, and all you can do is show people how FAR you have come since.
As for your friendship, I don't think it
s innocence is ruined, now he knows WHO you are and who you were. It might actually make for a stronger friendship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): If you're quite certain that your history will get back to the family then I would get in their first by either talking to the younger sister, the family, the friends or all of them. Perhaps at the same time. They need to hear it from you and how you regret it and hope they dont think bad of you. And hopefully they will think more highly of you for going to them first. It might be best to cut all ties with your "old life" such as friendships or even friends of friends. Make some new friends who have no idea. Consider moving to a new area. I know thats easier said than done though. But I would deffo sit down with the people close to you and explain how it was a bad time and how you hope that they can put it behind you as youre trying to do.Natalie xx
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A
male
reader, tobson +, writes (8 January 2012):
Well two things:
- you need to handle the situation, dont downplay it but make clear that this is the past
- your friend: you need to let him know that you want to keep the past the past and not have him talk around like that. If he is your friend he wont do it again. If he is not , well maybe he is/was part of the problem...
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A
female
reader, Usagi  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 you are not stupid... you were younger and did something wrong to yourself. you don't do it any more. and that's what you have to remind to your current friends. let them know thatsince you decided to never use drugs again, you would like them to stop telling stories about that times. and trust me, if your old friends knew you well and were really your friends, they won't think less of you for something that you did once or so in the past.
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