A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think there's something wrong with my daughter's father. He's okay one day, then all of a sudden, he's on an attitude rollercoaster. I left him last November. We've been having problems which he thinks we were working out. How can we work things out when it's a one way street? Anyhow, I took him to court to establish Child Custody which he didn't take it too well. I don't trust him. He lies, he's sneaky and I'm trying to think of nice words describing him but I haven't gotten to that point yet. I think he's going through a midlife crisis. He got kicked out of the Navy, he's having big time finacial problems, he has his two kids from his previous marriage (by default), he's stressed out because his kids aren't doing too good in school, he has to help pay our daughter's medical bills (he thought he didn't have to help me because since the Navy paid for her birth, it's only right, he didn't have to pay for any of her medical bills) and GOD knows what else. I think he maybe bipolar. He doesn't think there's something wrong him. But I really do think so. I really don't know. He maybe hiding something too. What advice can I get to help maintain a civil relationship without blowing up at this "so called" man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): What is your main concern here? His attitude towards you or towards your daughter?
If you have truly come to a decision that your relationship with him is over then you only need keep the civility to a minimum because of your daughter. It's important that children feel they are being raised in a stable environment and if you feel your relationship with her Father has reached a point of no return then for your part having little to do with him will avoid any unneccesary 'blow ups'.
On the other hand are your concerns to do with his relationship with your daughter? If this is what concerns you then you really do need to talk to him. If you feel you can not do this together then seek a mediator who can help, I'm sure there are lots of organisations who offer this sort of thing if you look around.
Perhaps you need to just come to some agreement about when he sees your child and stick to a regular time, place and duration but understand the need to be flexible to each other and to your childs growing needs.
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