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My daughter is missing my ex after our break up. What should I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 May 2013) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 May 2013)
A male India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey everyone,

I was dating a woman for about 6 years,she was wonderful and took care of my daughter as her own!my daughter instantly bonded with her,she used to help my daughter with homework,take her shopping..my daughter would go to her for anything..

But for a past few months me and my girlfriend(well ex) have been having problems,we tried working it out but it just didnt work and we decided to split..now this has left my daughter broken hearted as she doesn't see my ex anymore,she has become very quiet!!I spoke to my ex about this and she said she misses my daughter as well and she would spent time with her if I wished!I want to start a new chapter,I can't have my ex around..what do I do?:(

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (6 May 2013):

This is an unfortunate and complicated situation. Your ex is not your daughter's biological mother. So she does not have to see your daughter and vice versa unless you agree to it. What happens when you start seeing someone new and your daughter gets attached to her also? When you break up with this person you're going to be back where you are now. Your daughter's grieving the end of your relationship and losing her 'stepmom'. Allow her to grieve but explain to her gently why she cannot see your ex. It'll be hard for her but it's for the best. This situation is more common than you think as some children get on well with their step parents. However it's not an ideal situation and is one that requires extra special handling.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013):

I disagree with blonde. Both you and your daughter need to move on. Your ex is not the girl's biological mother anyway. Kids are resilient, she'll get over it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013):

I am not going to beat you up over this. But breaking up for what ever valid reason you had as you now see affects somebody else. Your daughter in case is also suffering from the break up. It is unfortunate that you stayed with her for six years. This seems more than boyfriend girlfriend. Technically by law you were living common law. I guess it was convenient for you but I cannot accept this either. There is more here than meets the eye. You are going to be having more problems than being quiet. If you cant get her problems resolved your life will become a living hell. But just maybe once you will learn that life is not just all about you and what you want when you have children involved. Can I pose a question to you? What will you do if your next girlfriend hates your daughter and wants you to send her away to school or something? Will she now also be punished again because she is your own flesh and blood. You sir sound selfish, you couldn't see what bond your daughter and girlfriend had? Or were you so rapped up with yourself that in the end you just didn't really give a crap. You should try and see if you can reconcile if you cant you better call up big sisters so your daughter can get exposure to women as friends and mentors. Much like how big brothers operate. But I guess you were do worried about what you wanted to even think about this idea. Sir, your parenting skills are questionable. You are riding in the F category. You should try to do what is best for your daughter for once. If you don't my suggestions that is fine also. Yes, I see it now your x cant come back. Good-luck..

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A female reader, blonde30s United Kingdom +, writes (5 May 2013):

blonde30s agony aunti think you should put your daughter first and be grown up about this and let her see your ex. you wont be spending time with her and it will just be your daughter but i think you should let your ex have her some weekends and come up with a plan.

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