| A
female
,
*rban12
writes: my boyfriends sister hates me more than anything. shes 23 and im 20 and my boyfriend is 19. When we started dating everything was nice then around 6months we found out that she was writing all this hateful stuff about me in her livejournal. then 1 day we were fooling around in the bathroom, and she went and told his mother that i should be thrown out of the house. his mom got all mad and gave him all these rules about "her" house. she also wrote about that in her journal and made me look like a whore. my boyfriend said something to her then. now she acts like nothing has ever happend i didnt forget that fast and she pretends to be nice to me and i know its fake,every once in a while she lets her hatred show. so my boyfriend and i fight about it all the time. he is still so nice to her, i want him to be spiteful and not do all the things he does for her. everytime she asks him for something he cant say no to her at all.should i just let him go on being a "good guy" or should something else be done.should i just leave the situation alone or take things into my own hands and handle things my way.He wants me to respect her but doesnt that work both ways? what do you think? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): My fiance's sister hates me...I'm 19 my fiance's 25....she is 14 going on 20 or so she thinks. She tells her brother I'm no good for him yet before he was with me he was breaking every law possible and wasn't doing anything with his life. Since he has been with me he's been to college,Got a proper job and left all the *friends* behind and stuck with his true friends who dont treat him badly. I've never cheated, Lied or hurt him. She also thinks I use him for his money, I stuck by him when he had no money, I have a job of my own...if I ever badly need money I go to my family which is very rare I never ask him so this annoys me that she is too thick to see it. I've had a few arguments with her and my fiance told her to give it a rest yet she hasnt changed. She's always making things up. The thing is he loves being with his family..so do I, I get on with all of them but she is always there 24/7. I want him to tell her once and for all that she's not going to split us up but he's not trying hard enough. She's shouted at me before..she doesn't realise that if she wasnt his sister I would have slapped her into nxt week by now but she knows she's got the upper hand and I'm sick of it. I have tried so many times to talk to her, I've ignored her, treated her like the child she is. None of this is working.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2006): i had the same problem with my sister in law, but it wasnt because she was being over protective of my boyfriend (now husband) at the time and wanted him to have a girlfriend that would treat him right, it was because i was stealing her attention from the whole family. she was no longer the only girl of the family. she could of cared less if i was taking her brother away! she never made an attempt to break us apart! everybody loved me. i would constantly see her competing with me when it came to how we looked or dressed. she would always stick her chest out (she's flat chested) because she was jelous of my bust size, and tried to make herself look like she looked just as good. it was ridiculous. i never tried to be mean to her, even till this day i am kindly to her. she does that every once in a while, not all the time. i guess she's threatend by my looks because im so beautiful and she cant except the fact that im beautiful inside and out. she cant handle when people tell her that. she even told me one time that she feels threatend from her own cousin because she feels her cousin is trying to compete with her and her looks and that she likes to let people know that she's better! i just ignore her though because she's the one with the problem. blood is thicker than water and i know how it is when your boyfriend choses sides over you. he cant help it. thats how men are. they look at them as their poor little sis or their poor little mom! and think that they just care about me and its ok that they treat my girlfriend like crap! its very rare that a man will stand up to his family. i dont believe in that saying "blood is thicker than water". i dont stand up for my family if i know that they are wrong! tell him how you feel and that you're not looking for problems with his sister and that you would rather him talk to his sister about it because you're afraid that his sister might get offended with you trying to be honest with her. tell him that you understand that he loves his sister and that it doesnt mean that he should reward her for her bad behavior! he's rewarding her, letting her know that she's going to get away with anything that she does to you! tell him that he needs to tell her to respect you because he loves you and that you make him happy! her crap needs to stop! and he needs to quit giving her what she wants so that she could get it through her thick head that she needs to stop her crap or else!!! i hope this helps. keep us posted!
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 May 2006):
 They say blood is thicker than water so you won't be able to change your BF's affections for his sister. It is ok not to like her, and you don't have to fake being nice to her - you are going out with him, not her. Basically she maybe a little jealous because he probably spent more time with her before you came along. I don't like my sister in law that much...but I know my husband is very fond of the grumpy troll so I try to smile sweetly in her company - it is part of life unfortunately!
...............................
A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (13 May 2006):
 Hiya Krban12
My little brother is 3 years younger than me and whenever he brings girls back to the house (and I hate to admit it but I will) I guess I'm kinda mean to them. Subconciously I watch out for my little brother and I guess I look down my nose at anyone who is with him, no matter how nice they are. I'm not a mean person but I am confessing this now as I've just realised it by reading your letter.
Its not just girls who act like this. Big brithers also do it to any bloke whom their little sister brings home. It doesn't even matter if they get married, big brother will still look down his nose.
At the end of the day you cannot make someone like you. And she can't make herself like you either. What she can do is be polite to you, not spiteful, because YOU are her brothers choice whether SHE likes it or not. But she cannot force herself to like you so don't try to make her. You will either click or you won't.
You said after your boyfriend spoke to her she was willing to start being nice to you, and you've also said that she DOES now make the effort to be nice to you. But this is not good enough for you! She's making the effort, she can't change how she behaved and neither can you, but you can move on and you said yo don't forget that easily but I think you should.
Like you said it goes both ways therefore you need to make an effort as well. Stop trying to get your boyfriend to be spiteful to her, if you carry that on he will split up with you. Stop arguing about this with him. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you or whether she likes you or not because its her brother you are with, not her!!
You need to understand that when you are in a relationship with someone you will always have people on their side that you don't like. (Joke: for most its the mother in law!) and vise versa. When this happens you've just got tp ;earn to be the better person and bite your toungue and smile gracefully. If you don't than you are just feuling the fire and will be unhappy!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (13 May 2006):
 he is going to be sweet to his sister because it is his sister. but one thing you can do is find out what her problem is and why she is like this and tell er to get over it and gorw up. It is plainly obcvious that his sister is jealous of you been with her brother because her brother is no longer paying her any attention and all his attention is on you. I gnore his siter and focus more on him just because he is sweet to her doesn't mean you have top be.
...............................
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (13 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
Try to find out WHY she dislikes you so much. Maybe she just doesn't want her brother to get hurt in a relationship, she just wants to protect her family?
Your Boyfriend is caught up in the middle of a War Zone. He is being made to choose between someone he loves deeply and his family, whom he also must love very very much.
Talk to her, see why she dislikes you, maybe you can make peace? Tell her you have no intention of letting her brother down and it isn't just lust. Tell her you love her brother very much and you would never hurt him, that you are not stealing her brother away, but giving him someone to love and someone he may want to spend the rest of his life with because you know you do.
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunt Jess +, writes (13 May 2006):
 yes i definately think it works both ways, and ur the guest when u visit, so she shud be makin an effort to make u feel confortable.
i dont think u shud try and change ur boyfs attitude towards his sister; he clearly has a strong relationship with his family and this is somethin u must definately stay out of otherwise ur boyf make take offense to it.
in no way are u a whore, so dont take that to heart, shes obviously got sumthin troubling her, whether it be sumthin from the past (boyf wise) and is tryin to put the blame onto someone else. it seems to me that shes jealous, possibly of his brother, becos hes happily in a relationship. try talkin to him about this but wateva u do, dont bitch. it wont get u anywhere.
as for the bathroom situation, it takes two to "fool around" so its unfair that u got the blame. i suggest u spend ur time together out of the house as much as u can, but dont refuse to go to his, as that will make u luk bad and as if u cant stand up to a fight that u shudnt be in anyway.
good luck, let me see how things go x
...............................
|
