A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of two years, we live together, is giving me a hard time, because my parents come to visit and stay for a day or two sometimes 3 with us at our house, we have a spare room, so space is not an issue. They come maybe once a month, then are not around all winter long. He feels they come down to much and feels uncomfortable when they are here. I'm sick of this and want to say get over it, if you can't I'm out. What can I do to try and make this fair? I love having them here, we go to his parents every sunday, I can't see mine unless they come to visit. I would hate to have to have them stay in a hotel, when we have a room open. I love my boyfriend and would be very upset to leave him, but I can't live with someone that makes me feel bad for my parents coming to visit. What would you do??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TaylorChu  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 Tell him that your parents coming to visit is equal to you having to go to his parents house on Sundays. When you are married family is family and there is no separation. Because you are not married he is putting up a stink with having your parents in your house. Put it to him bluntly, if he can not accept your parents then it is a slap in your face and he is rejecting you completely. If it wasn't for them you would not exist. Relationships are give and take. I am sure his parents are more than welcome to stay at your house if need be. The same invitation is expected to be available to your parents too.
If he doesnt like that, leave him because it will always be a contention and the source of many arguments because he cant be loving to your parents too. No need for you to be involved in his family traditions when you cant even enjoy the luxury of having your parents rest and be encouraged in your own home.
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (21 July 2007):
Your bf sounds like he is empty hearted and empty headed when it comes to your family. No one who is in love with another person comes between them and their family. I live in the Philippines where when you marry a man or woman, you marry the whole family. Marriage out this way isn't just about taking care of number one and two,each other. But seeing to it that the rest of the family's needs are being met. Hey! you two aren't even married yet, and as his song go's, "I Did It My Way". And if it were me here's what I would be singing "The bf is going to have to go". His family is good enough for you, but your's aren't good enough for him. Guess, That he has begun the control game long before your relationship ever moves into the "I Do" phase. Giving up your parents or him, well. "Your bf is going to have to go". With his kind of mind set, don't see as he will be changing his feelings about your parent. Me I would take a long walk and not look back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): You go to his parents every Sunday, but his parents don't stay at your house? Maybe it's only his sense of intimacy? and not necessarily indicates he has something against your parents. How does he get along with them? Also, is he the type that hugs you in the kitchen, while you are preparing breakfast? In this case he'd probably like the entire house to be at your disposal... and would react similarly with any guests. It would be a pity for a relationship to hinder on this reason... But you say there is enough space, then if the guests aren't meddlesome he should be able to compromise, there's a dosys of that in all relationships.
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