A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for about five years. We handle everything as if we are married, and yes that has been something we have talked over... I have very humble and quiet personality, my boyfriend is the opposite, but I like to think we ground each other... Now here are the facts that go in to me asking for advise. His Dad passed away two years ago, and his brother got out of prison for drug abuse and selling. Now his Mom lives in my boyfriends old home which is paid off all we ask is to save funds to fix the home when needed and pay property tax. I know she has not said done the first and has been late on paying the property tax. Now my boyfriend has kicked out his brother from there due to drug abuse like four months ago his mom lied to us and he remained there. His mother has lied to us on several things regarding his brother and other things. In the last seven months his mom has took an additional step down the wrong path. When we have visited it was very clear she is abusing drugs like his brother. You can imagine how sensitive this is to my boyfriend as well as myself because I love his mom like my own. His Aunt has pulled us both over and told us she was worried for his mom b/c she is on dope and of course my boyfriend rationalizes and creates excuses for everything his mom or bro dose. I just need some adviseWhen I approach him on his family, which is very rear because I know it simply would create an argument. I always try to be really delicate,and it always ends with some how it's my fault and why can't I just ignore it. ( when I due, until it is something effects us like borrowing $$ or late on taxes or when I take my little boy there and there all high. I due not take my son over there and refuse too.They are the only thing we argue about and several times I have told him he needs to set better bounderies with them and he blows me off. I want a future with him, but I am exhausted on this same conflict. It is so- bad now we can be watching tv and he will say something like why can't the guy see there no good and I will say because it's too close to them- next thing I know he is pissed off at me b/c in his mind I am refering to his family - instead of the show... I talked with him about seeing things from view - and even explained how he approaches me on it which is always in a negative light. what should I due? Any advice would be great.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 HI
he is obviously going to stand his ground on this subject, which is so sad because he dont really understand fully how this is slowly spoiling his own life with you.
He is definately stubourn! how is his reaction to your firmness on not taking your child around there?
maybe you could elaborate the extent of damage this could do to your childs behaviour in the future. Being around people who use drugs as a way of life at such a young age could possibly send your own child down that same road, is he prepared for that to happen? This is always going to be a hard subject to deal with because it's his family, BUT so are you and your child, he needs to understand were his prioritys lie. If he wont budge on this, I would actually think about moving out and taking my child away from this . Your child MUST be your top priority.
Mandy x
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 February 2012):
Hi there. Your boyfriend's mum is living in his old house, which means he doesn't live with her.
Is that right?
So you are not living in that environment, are you? It's only when you both visit her?
As it causes upset to you, rather than put yourself in that situation, it would be much wiser for you to NOT go there at all.
Then it can't hurt you in any way.
Instead, ask your boyfriend to take you somewhere else.
Go for a drive somewhere, have a picnic and go for a nice long walk together after.
In other words, just don't go there at all with him.
And tell him you prefer not to go there, and if he wants to go there to see his mother and brother, well then let him go alone - at another time when he won't be seeing you.
So then, it's a case of out of sight and out of mind - for you - as you won't be exposed to that environment at all.
Really, this seems like the only solution.
When you are no longer going to his old house and seeing people there high on drugs, it will eventually fade from your conscious mind, and you will start to think about it less and less, as time goes by.
And when you are no longer thinking about it, you also won't be talking about it either.
And you will consequently be having much more pleasant conversations with him when you see him each time.
When you do something that does not make you happy, the only thing to do is to AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE! And do whatever it takes to make it happen.
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