A
female
age
30-35,
*arahCa1989
writes:Ok well my boyfriend's friend is always around us and he always pushes me out of everything just to be with my boyfriend. He also spends to much time with him when i would love to spend time with my boyfriend. Like a week ago i was talking to my boyfriend at lunch saying he should come over and we were even talking about it the other night before that, but his "lovely" friend says we are having a guys night and you have to go cause we haven't had one in forever (they had one last weekend). My boyfriend did go 'cause his friends were making him. So i said something to my boyfriend cause i was mad i wanted to spend some time with him and do stuff. He did say something to him about it but he still is like this. So i want to know what should i do about this jerk ass guy. Please help me i'm so lost on what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (12 May 2008):
If you and your boyfriend already were making plans to hang out, and his friend swooped in and made plans over them, your boyfriend was wrong to go with his friends. This isn't about choosing his girlfriend over his friends. It's common courtesy that if you've made plans, you keep your original commitment, even if something else comes along. Your boyfriend's friend is being rude and displaying passive aggressive behavior by doing this, especially if he is doing it in front of you. It's disrespectful not only to you, but also to your boyfriend, because the friend is making him choose, in effect "your friends or your girlfriend," and is in a way even challenging his manhood, because if your boyfriend chooses to go out with you instead, then he risks having his friends call him "whipped."
Probably your bf's friend is afraid of losing him to you. A lot of people sort of disappear while they're in a relationship, and don't hang out with their friends as much. But your boyfriend has to learn to respect you and your relationship, and if his friend can't understand and respect that you're an important part of your bf's life, then that should be the friend's problem, not yours, and not your bf's. Also, part of a relationship means spending time alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend. His friend needs to butt out and your boyfriend needs to be firm about spending time alone with you. He might not be whipped by his girlfriend, but he's certainly whipped by his friends. Your boyfriend probably doesn't know what to do or how to handle the situation, but if he can't figure out that he needs to treat you as seriously as he treats his friends (by honoring his commitments to you, etc) then he isn't mature enough to be in a relationship.
I don't recommend giving your boyfriend ultimatums, but instead just explain to him how this situation makes you feel, tell him what you'd like to change, and let him know that you want him to spend time with his friends, because you know they're important to him, but that you want to spend quality time with him too, and make sure that you let him know quality time means "just the two of you" time.
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