A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 and im in college and my boyfriend is 20 and he wants a baby. Now i dont think he ready for one and plus i want to wait but he dont. I love him so much that i dont want to loose him. So everytime we get on that subject and i say no he gets mad what do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Is it a stable relationship? Are you able to support a baby financially? Do you have support from family and friends? Do you have a place to live for the baby to grow up? These are things you need to consider. You shouldn't have a baby to make him stay with you, babies don't cure relationship difficulties, they make them worse! Sit him down and explain that you just don't think it's the right time just yet but that MAYBE in the future you can talk about it again when things are more stable or suitable for bringing up a child.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Just explain that while you would love to have a baby with him in the future, now is just not the right time to have a child.
You need to talk to him in a calm manner and give him a full explanation of why you dont want a baby - if you are just telling him "no" then he is bound to get annoyed because he cannot understand why you wouldnt want a baby with him.
But if you really think about this sensibly and explain yourself to him then I am sure he will understand. After all - you are being very sensible and you are totally right, 18 is too young to have a child especially when you have not finished your education.
Make sure he knows that you really do want a baby in the future with him but you want to give that child the best life possible, and you dont think that is an option right now. Tell him that you want to finish college so you can get a good job and save up some money before you have a child because babies cost a small fortune. Also tell him that you feel you are both too young to be entirely responsible for another person that will be reliant on you for the next 18+ years.
If he still doesnt listen to your reasons then he is just being silly and immature and he will get over it eventually. While this is a bit unusual for a 20 year old male to be the one wanting a baby, often this happens in younger teenage girls where they are convinced they want a baby and are trying to persuade their partner to have a baby. With these teenage girls it is just their hormones running wild and generally it is a phase that passes in time. So I am expecting it is the same for your boyfriend - this will just be a phase and he wont have thought it through properly.
I'm sure he isnt ready to give up seeing his friends, going out and enjoying himself, having money to spend on himself. I'm sure he is not ready to get up time and time again in the middle of the night to feed the baby, to stay at home to help you out with the baby because you cant do it alone, to work all hours he can just so he can afford diapers for his child. He probably hasnt thought it through and he is just thinking of the good things - so if you remind him of what he will be giving up and missing out on I'm sure he will change his mind!
I bet he is looking forward to turning 21 and being able to drink - that wont happen if you have a baby in 9 months time! He wont be able to afford to drink never mind have the time to go out with his friends partying! Just remind him that you are both still young and have so much left to do, so many things you want to achieve and experience before you settle down and have a family.
You are completely right in this situation - whatever you do please dont give in to him. I understand you love him and dont want to lose him but I am certain that this is just a phase that will pass in time so dont give in! Keep taking birth control (after all, it is your body so he cant stop you!) and keep using condoms, he will soon forget about this silly baby idea. But talk to him first and try and make him understand your reasons.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Having a baby is a big step. Your not ready, which at is 18 is very sensible. Don't give in and agree, because you are scared of losing him.
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