A
female
age
41-50,
*lleForLove
writes:Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He’s perfect and I love him, but (same old story) we now have nooooo sex life! Yes, I know, heard it all before, but I never thought it would be me!I’ve always had a really exciting sex life, and yes, ok have slept with quite a high number of people. When I first got with my boyfriend the sex was great – not the best I’ve had – but definitely exciting and naughty and I loved it! Now though, he won’t even look at me. I’ve tried EVERYTHING!! Every possible tactic – getting angry, getting upset, talking nicely about it, trying to find out f he’s ok, introducing the idea of games, role play, coming on to him etc……. Now as a result of him not being interested I’ve totally lost my confidence. Its like we’re just fantastic mates, who are really affectionate and loving – except in the bedroom!! Now I think to myself – as he tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me – how can this be my life….am I destined to have sex once for 4 minutes every 2-3 weeks??? I’m only 26, I want more!! But then the guys that are passionate and very sexual never stick around long and muck you about. Is it worth losing my boyfriend for a night of passion??Help! I know you've all heard this one a million times, but it upsets me so muh. I can't help but wonder what seperates us from just being mates!Will the sex ever come back?Thanks Ps. I don't think he's cheating - I really trust him!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 May 2009):
 "not the best I’ve had"
Tell me, is there any way these words could have gotten back to him?
The male sex drive is fragile and nothing kills it faster then feeling inadequate.
But then the guys that are passionate and very sexual never stick around long.
Now, you are female so you might need to try really hard but read that sentence and try to see how it is VERY similar to your current situation.
That's right (if you got it) the so called passionate ones DON'T stick around once the passion dies. So if passionate guy X drops you after a month and this guy lost his sexdrive after 2 years, then this non-passionate guy was passionate for you 24 times longer.
It is easy to keep a relationship hot till the next morning. Another thing altogether to last for years.
So, what changed? Stress, him feeling unable to compete with your past, health, maybe he never used to have much sex, was excited by the novelty and this is his normal sex drive?
A, the current economy induses stress, and stress kills libido.
B, is he getting fatter?
C, what was his sex life before you two got together. If he wasn't as active as you there might be a good reason and NO, not that he didn't find a horny girl.
D, how is his behaviour towards you in general.
Observe and if you talk to him, don't do it sitting down face to face. That is bad way to talk to men, it puts them on the spot. You tried a lot but you got a choice, either you make this work or try your luck with the dating game again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): i think... life is WORTH MORE TO LIVE.. rather than just craving for sexual desires... when he feels like having sex.. he will do it. why Worry soo much :)
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