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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3.5 yeas left me in March this year saying that he no longer loved me as we argued too much and didn't get on. I was devastated as he was stepdad to my 5 year old child as well as my partner. He wouldn't even consider a break or a few months apart. He just wanted out completely. Just 2 weeks later and he's in another relationship with this girl who has 5 children by different men and has been rumoured to use hard drugs. All I keep hearing is how happy they are together. But his close friends have told me that he has changed and is not in his right mind at the moment. I seen them together with her brood of kids in the park the other day and killed me seeing him act like a father to her kids but not even give a thought to the child he brought up as his own! My daughter didn't understand why we couldn't go over and speak to him. I went home that day and cried my heart out. It's been 4 months since we split up and I'm still as devestated as the day we split up. What hurts most is the way he has just moved on so quick. Shortly before we split we talked about marriage. And now I have nothing. I just don't know what to do. I am completely and utterly broken. I'm 29 and he is 28
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2015): He was only passing through. He never intended to maintain a long-term relationship. You reached our expiration-date. We sometimes fail to realize where people are coming from; because we are caught-up in our own feelings and plans.
As for his new-found family? Things on the surface may not be what they are behind the scenes.
Being devastated emotionally is understandable; but because you have a child, you have to show strength. You cannot let her see you fall apart. She will believe he has all the strength, and without him there is little reason to feel safe with you alone. You always have to see life through your child's eyes, not just your own. Not only where you share the grief of loss. I do understand how hurtful it is to see someone chuck your feelings aside; and find someone else like you never even existed. It has happened to me. So I feel you.
These feelings you have are normal under the circumstances; but you may have to fake strength for your child's sake. After-all, she's the most important character in the story, isn't she? You've got enough love for her, and coming back; that you'll both survive this, my dear. You'll even grow stronger. That's what life does sometimes to prepare us for something better. After-all, her real father is out of the picture; and she's getting along. She'll adjust.
Show her how to recover and be a strong and independent woman. I've seen some really powerful and extraordinary single-mom's; so I know the possibility is always there. He kicked you while you were down; but he settled for a loser. He's a loser. Perhaps he realizes that you and your child could do better without him. He's right!
Go through your emotions about it. Let the anger infuse your strength, and accelerate your recovery. One chapter just ended, but another begins. The best case scenario is you'll find someone better. The worse case scenario is, he'll dump her like he dumped you. If she has almost a half dozen kids, she also has child-support and social benefits. That eases his personal financial responsibility. So don't let what you see deceive you.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2015):
 This is very little about love but his dependence on drugs. Some people are not themselves until they get their dose of drugs or alcohol every day. Without it they are cranky. That explains the arguing. It's not that he doesn't see himself marrying you, it's more like he can't see himself being sober and abstain for the rest of his life. When he had said that being without drugs made him feel better, he was just trying to convince himself. Whenever former addicts talk about beer, or drugs, it's them missing it.
You and your children have a better influence with you as a mom. They will live healthier lives and you will do much better than them. Don't say you have nothing. You have lost (enter you exes' weight). You have your children's unconditional love.
Move so you don't have to be reminded about your ex anymore. You might have to move to a different area with available childcare anyway. For now go to interesting places you've never been. See your children laugh. They will be happy if you are happy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2015): It sounds to me like he had an eye on this girl before you split - as no one finds long term happiness with someone new that quickly after a break up - unless they were on the look out!I feel your pain though - as it hurts when your man leaves you for someone else - the same happened to me earlier this year - but he hates me for challenging him about it and now won't speak! I think it is best to try and keep yourself busy. He has made his choice and you aren't gonna change it now - or he would've returned by now. Time is a great healer though - I know you said it's been 4 months - but sometimes it can take a lot longer to get over real heartbreak. I still miss my ex, 6 months down the line and we only really had a short affair.Next time you get into a relationship - I would wait a lot longer before letting someone move in and play 'stepdad'. There are too many temporary stepdads in the world because women are too keen to play happy families - hold back a bit more in future!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2015): There is a chance he had started a relationship with this woman before he ended things with you. That would account for this swift entry into a new relationship. It sounds as if the die is cast, he has gone and whatever his mood I would not count on him returning. It is hard for you and particularly your child. Whatever adults do to each other, children can be cast aside too making them feel rejected. You both have been badly treated. I would concentrate on loving your daughter - you have each other - try and have some nice times together. She is your future, forget the ex.
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (20 July 2015):
 To be honest, there was probably something wrong with the relationship prior to him suggesting breakup. Do you remember the arguments or feeling that he has 'left the relationship' before the breakup?He most likely removed himself from the relationship with you months before suggesting break up. Then he met someone whom he felt more compatible with and made the decision to break things off completely with you to move forward with her.I understand that your heart must be broken to pieces.. but trust me, it will heal. It just takes time. He should've been more considerate to see to it that you do not know of or run into him and his new girl. But it also may not be a bad thing that you ran into them. There is no denying anymore.. face the truth now.. it will help you move on faster.Sometimes, as much as we want to be with someone, it's just not meant to be. It's also bad for your child that she sees you two argue all the time. You will find someone better who will love and cherish you and your daughter. Take some time to heal, love yourself, your daughter, and then the right man will come along when you least expect it.Best of luck!
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