A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hilast night my boyfriend and were cuddling in bed and we got talking about our sex life, which i believed has been good so far, ( we have been dating for a yr now) he said he doesnt enjoy sex, even though its been yrs since he broke up with his ex, every time we have sex, he goes down memory lane to his past relationship, i didnt know what to say, i got upset and the conversation ended there, what does that mean? how shall i feel about this relationship? please help me understand what im into, please help me i am confused.
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broke up, his ex, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Hello...I'm so sorry. I am sorting out feelings myself from a recent breakup. I think the same thing went on with him. He told me that he still wasn't over his divorce of a year ago. He also said that whenever he has been involved with someone and the sex happened, he lost all emotional feelings for them. (That's what happened with me--only he didn't tell me that until after the sex). I think he is reminded of being with his ex-wife when the sex happens (he was married for 19 years). I think mentally, he feels that he is supposed to be with her and feels wrong to be with anyone else. It's not fair what he continues to do to different women--he comes on like he really wants the sex--then acts distant and eventually breaks up when it happens. At least your guy hasn't dumped you because of his feelings. Maybe give it time, and he will get past his issues. I wish the best for you! I like to believe in the whole happily-ever-after kind of thing...still looking and hoping for that! Hope you find it!!
A
female
reader, Sammycake  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 It's incredible that he had the audacity to say that to his new girlfriend.
All I can suggest is asking him what he'd like you to do in the bedroom and whether there's anything special you could do every now and again. But remember, it's a two way street and he has to meet your needs too!
As for the ex, she's in the past and he's not currently seeing her. Work on improving your relationship and don't dwell on these things - it'll only drive you crazy.
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