A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I've asked for advice a few times before and been very happy with the responses, so here I am again! Basically, to cut a long story short, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and in that time, we have only ever fought about one thing. And that is his lifestyle of partying, drinking and his large social circle (of both male and female friends).This causes fights because I am not into drinking or partying really, and I do not have many friends like he does, we are opposites in this respect. I have tried to be tolerant of his lifestyle and I believe I am, but it just overwhelms me at times and I start to think that I can't deal with it, because its not something that I am a fan of really. I don't know why I get so worked up about it, because I trust him completely and know he would never cheat or anything, but I think it's the combination of its almost like he lives another life when he's out partying, and the fact that I am not involved nor really want to be involved, and don't know how to accept that he is like that.Keeping in mind though that we are only young still, 18, and I suppose this is to be expected, because most people our age love that kind of lifestyle, and maybe I am just weird because I am not interested. But anyway, I guess I'm just asking for some advice on what I could do in regards to this recurring problem, or a way to deal with this, as this is the only problem in an otherwise brilliant relationship, and the only thing I have considered breaking up with him for. Thank you very much for any replies! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 What exactly do you not like about his partying and drinking?
-Do you not trust him when he goes out?
-Do you not like his friends?
-Would you rather him spend his time with you?
I agree, that you two sound like bipolar opposites. Yes, opposites attract...but you have to take the other person as they come. In other words, if he was like this from Day 1, then you accepted this partying nature. There's no trying to change it midway in the relationship.
Unfortunately, if you're not willing to go out with him and this still continues to bother you, then you should break up with him. If it's been bothering you all along, you're not going to "cope" with it now. You never have and never will.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (11 December 2012):
 You enjoy different life styles and ideas of a good time. You seem to be more of an introvert whereas he is an extrovert and loves parties, drinking, etc. There's very little you can do here but accept what he likes to do or dump him. I'd say it depends on how upset you really get over these parties. Is it a mild annoyance when they come up or are you upset and fighting for days over them? If its just an annoyance and something you feel you can deal with then do so. If it disrupts your life and makes you very upset then I think you should find someone else. You may consider it a small issue and not worth breaking up over but the fact that it is a continuous fight means it won't ever change, and you will always fight over it. Probably to the point where you believe he should care about you and not go to parties knowing how it upsets you. You have very different personalities regarding social activities. That has been enough to end my relationships in the past. But it's only up to you what you are happy with, a big continuing problem like this can be hard to deal with and bring the rest of the relationship down over time.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 When a pair of people are attracted to one-another, and wish to have a relationship, there are a few compatibilities which must match or be in-sync..... Consider:
- Age (even if it's an age DIFFERENCE),
- Appearance,
- Education,
- Energy level,
- Sexual/intimacy needs,
- Religion (either embracing a religion or tolerating each other's different religions)...
The two people really must have adequate similarities in enough of these areas such that they can live and love together. ANY ONE of these compatibilities CAN BE FATAL to the relationship if the disparity is such that ONE of the pair can't tolerate the OTHER'S behaviour in that area.
YOU have described such a mis-match.... and, written:
"...this is the only problem in an otherwise brilliant relationship, and the only thing I have considered breaking up with him for...."
It's OK (for you) to let this mismatch be "fatal" to your relationship....
Good luck....
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