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female
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*ikkipaulawatson
writes: I recently had an argument with my boyfriend because he thought that I was seeing someone else. The reason for this was because of 'so called' text message he found on my phone which to me was totally innocent. He got angry because the text was from a male friend. He has been hurt in the past and finds it difficult to trust people because of what has happened in past relationships. I have tried to explain myself to him and reassure him that nothing happened and I am forever promising him that I would never hurt him. I can tell that he doesn't believe me and he constantly questions everything I do in regards to texts and outtings with friends etc. I think that if this continues I think that it will eventually push me away. Does this mean that he is taking his previous bad experiences out on me by being so possessive? What else can I do to reassure him that I would never hurt him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): I think 'pops' talks shite!. If your boyf has these insecurities and you love him and want to be with him then you should do your best to help him through the mistrust ie. phone him when your out with friends and let him meet the people you go out with, maybe you need to be on his side a little more and try and reassure him. If you think he is worth the effort then this sort of thing can be overcome with some openness and love. Try to think of yourself feeling like this and then do what you think needs to be done to make things better and more trusting.
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reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
Your boyfriend is insecure and suffers from real , and imaginary self doubts. He expresses this by being jealous, and not trusting anyone. No relationship can last or go forward if there is not trust. Yes, we all risk being hurt if the person we love is dishonest. It happens. You get over it. But some people, like your bf, obsess over these kinds of things and act like he is the only one who has ever been cheated on. The world does not spin around him.
If he can stop being the center of all that is important, walk away from him and don't look back. No one should have to explain anything about communications with co-workers, or friends, male or female. Grown up people trust each other enough to let them have friends and acquaintances of all kinds. And grown up people are proud to escort thier SO's to meetings and work parties, etc. to meet these other people and get to know them.
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