A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend smokes pot all the time and i HATE it. he has his cannabis card or whatever you want to call it, but hes OBSESSED. its basically all his friends do and pretty much all he talks about. any time i talk about doing something in a certain town he'll make some comment about the pot clubs there and say he HAS to check them out (if its a known location for it). he grows it too. i really hate drugs because i havent seen/ heard from my dad in ten years due to meth and god only knows what else. i know meth is more severe than marijuana, but i hate how drugs make you act like someone else or feel differently. i dont get why he cant be happy normal. i've told him how much i hate it and have asked multiple times if he can at least not do it around me and he doesnt listen. he wont do it as much, but it still makes me mad . yesterday i even drove him to one of the "clubs" because it was on the way to the mall and the only thing i asked was he didnt smoke it when i was with him. the second i fell asleep (for like a nap, not going to bed) he ran off and smoked and didnt say anything until i smelt it on his breath.i dont care so much that he smokes or grows it, but i just really dont like that he HAS to do it so much. once in a while wouldnt be so bad, or at least not around me. does anyone have any advice on what i can tell him, or been in a similar situation? i really like him but i can hardly stand it and i think i might have to break up with him because of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): I'm sorry, but you did misunderstand my reply but through no fault of your own. I didn't make it very clear though and I apologize for that. :)
I was encouraging you to seek counseling because you are still bitter for not seeing your father for the past 10 years. Harboring anger for such a long period of time, while understandable given the circumstances, is ultimately not healthy. I can tell that you are an intelligent person and you want the best for your life. Counseling can help you accomplish this by moving past things that have previously had a negative impact on you.
As for cannabis cards being easy to get...a doctor would rather prescribe a non-addictive substance like cannabis to a young person for pain management rather than something extremely addictive like an opiate drug (codeine, fentanyl, morphine, oxycodone, oxymorphone, dilaudid, etc.). A doctor's job is to cause the 'least harm' while appropriately medicating a patient (if necessary.) Similarly, it is a patient's responsibility to be completely honest with their doctor. If you have knowledge that your boyfriend compromised the doctor/patient relationship by lying to a medical professional with the sole intention of obtaining a cannabis card, you should seriously consider leaving him. If someone would lie to their doctor about being sick, then they will not think twice before lying to other people in their lives.
Please realize that while you may believe his back pain isn't that bad, that you may very well be minimalizing his pain without realizing it. Pain is one of those things that you can't see or even understand unless you are currently experiencing it. If you decide to give the relationship a little more time, see if there is anything you can do to help his pain. My fiancee who has back pain stemming from a backbreaking skateboarding accident more than 10 years ago benefits from massages that I give him at least once a week.
A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (20 January 2010):
No you've made youself perfectly clear. You've explained your feelings and wishes to him numerous times. I don't know if he's theoretically agreed to compromise but he certainly isn't trying to change his behaviour. If he hasn't tried to, he isn't going to. He likes his life this way, he wants it to be this way.
Trust me - if there's one thing I do understand in this world it's tokers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i must have not been clear. i havent asked him to quit and really i dont want him to because of me (and yeah i dont want him to just lie about it instead). i just dont want him to do it around me or at least not be stoned around me, a little bit doesnt bug me so much. i hate it when he'll smoke a lot then just fall asleep and not do anything. and im not with him 24/7 or anything, so he has plenty of time to do it when im not around.
the reason i went out with him in the first place was because he made it sound like he didnt do it so often. i didnt know he grew it and he said he did it maybe every other day. and yeah ive realized i just have to see how long i can handle it but i doubt its going to work at this point.
i really dont think im being selfish about it, he isn't dying and i think he's rarely in pain. and im not going to go to a counselor so i can become more accepting of drugs unless i misunderstood that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I am a confirmed pot smoker and I wouldn't give up my habit for anyone. I don't think your boyfriend will either
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A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (20 January 2010):
I don't think he's going to stop just because you ask him to. He'll have to want to quit and it doesn't sound like he wants to -his life revolves around it too much. I think even if he does agree to quit for you, he will do it in secret instead.
You need decide how much you can put up with or if you're going to put up with it. If you hate it that much - I think you should walk
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhis medical condition isnt severe, its back pain. cards arent hard to get
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): If he has his 'cannabis card' it is legal for him to smoke in the United States. Additionally, cards like the one your boyfriend has are only available if you have a legitimate MEDICAL condition that REQUIRES the use of cannabis as a medication.
So, you are selfishly telling your boyfriend that he cannot take the medication prescribed by his doctor because you have issues stemming from your father's addiction(s).
Speaking with someone like a counselor would probably be beneficial for you and would allow you to work towards coming to terms with the effects your father's addiction has had on your current world view.
I don't smoke pot, but I don't see why anyone should become so upset about another person legitimately using and growing cannabis/marijuana for medical use.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I smoke it, very rarely though, like once every 4 or 5 months, it aint that amazing to do it constant, this particular drug is not physically adictive really, it is a mental addiction & if his faught pattern is revolving around that plant 24 7 something is very wrong, the mind says smoke weed not the body & if he cant keep off it for just a little while for someone he's meant to love sorry to be cruel but there really isn't much hope for a proper loving relationship i think.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
I think you need to end it. You've asked repeatedly for him to stop. He hasn't. Clealy he doesn't value at all. Let him have his pot. You go and find a better guy. He's made it clear he won't change.
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