A
female
age
41-50,
*alyda
writes:I have been dating a great guy for the last four months. He is intelligent, generous, kind, loving, considerate, responsible, very nice to everyone.We have lot in common and we have a lot of fun together.The thing is I think he is a pushover and lacks confidence. He told me that in the past he would date girls for a few weeks then they will stop picking up his calls and he thinks it is because he is too nice. First of all I don't think women don't like nice guy. I think a woman want a MAN, who is strong and confident and can protect her. I don"t want him to stop being nice! I have dated so many jerks.I noticed that his friends always tease him, and push him around. He never stands up for him self in a conversation with them. He never refuses to do anything, and always kind of sucks up to them. It is so unattractive! I kind of feel like if he can't stand up for himself with other guys he can't protect me. I know that is the reason the other girls left him but I see a lot more in him and I want to do something but I don't know what to do! I feel like I have to protect him. When I am around, his friends tease him less or in a more respectful manner. He is so great but I really need him to be strong and confident, I have seen that side of him. With me he is a bit more balanced which I like. He doesn't let me get away with everything and that is good, so why doesn't he do that with others? He is the kind that always over tips, pays for everyone, let's people moke him in public. I mean that can't be good! I told him once that I don't like it when is friends disrespect him and he got all defensive saying that he does his best to be a good man. He also said that he knew I was going to mention it, that he doesn't say anything because it is not a big deal but it is me! How can I feel like he will stand up for me/us? How can I help him without bruising his ego and making him feel bad? I don't want him to become mean or a jerk to people I just want him to build some confidence and able to say "no" kindly. Just subtle changes that will slowly make people change the way they treat him.We talk about having kids and I don't want people disrespecting their father in front of them, how are they going to respect him or take what he says seriously? Guys out there HELP! Women with a similar problem, give me your your opinions?
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female
reader, Lololo  +, writes (1 December 2015):
Omgg this is exactly how i am feeling right now. I been with my man for 4 years and he is such a push over its ridiculous. If he doesnt change i will be living him. I just cant be strong for 2people.
A
female
reader, Valyda +, writes (9 February 2010):
Valyda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your honest and blunt answer dorothy2342, I am not perfect and he likes me the way I am. I am 29 (and should appreciate what I have) and he is 35, Actually I like him a lot but I got carried away by focusing on the side of him that I would like to change and it got bigger in my mind. If he wasn't so nice to I would not have liked him in the first place! And now I want to change him...
I think he is a great catch too, and thank you for reminding me, once a every now and then we need to be reminded of what we have. My mom would have said the same thing you said. I will accept him and love him for who he is, just as he does for me.
To seferboy he already goes to the gym regularly but he is not the bulky type, he is very tall and thin not skinny just slender built.
Thanks guys!
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A
male
reader, serferboy  +, writes (3 February 2010):
I would get him to start going to the gym and bulk up it sound funny but it worked for me i dont klet anyone push me around and i can make my girlfriend feel safe idk how old he is but if hes in his teens or early 20's then building strength is easy hope this helps
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 There is no such thing as a perfect person, I am sure you are not without faults. I think he was right for the most part women don't like a nice guy. Look at you. If you don't like him as he is, then find someone else. You might not deserve someone as nice as him. Sorry, your attitude ticked me off, are you that great of a catch? How old are you that you don't appreciate what you have. He sounds great to me.
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