A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, something has been bothering me recently - i discovered that my boyfriend had followed a bunch of influencers and celebrities (chinese, japanese and korean models) and when I scrolled through their profiles, I saw that every single photo was continuously liked by him. And those girls are pretty and looked similar - obviously he has a type. And when I confronted him about it, he finally admitted to me that he found them pretty. He thinks there's nothing wrong with following pretty girls on social media because its looking at nice pictures. However, when I first got into a relationship with him, I unfollowed all the male celebrities/influencers that I found attractive because I thought that it was wrong of me to still ogle and admire them when I have a boyfriend who was supposed to be the apple of my eye. I felt upset, and feelings of betrayal that he had done this to me as I never thought of him to be someone so easily swayed by pretty faces and pretty girls.I know trust is preached a lot in relationships - but how can I trust someone who can't keep their eyes to themselves and look away? I understand it is instinctive for men to find women attractive - however, the least he could do was to not act on it by following and liking their pictures for almost two years. While he claims that there is nothing going on, I find it immensely disrespectful and shows that he is someone who gets easily swayed by pretty girls as long as they're his type. Is this a deal breaker? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2021): I guess a lot depends on how old he is. Seems a trite immature to me!
If he has a "type," it seems to follow that you must meet some of the special criteria he's looking for in his particular "type." If he really likes pretty-girls, why go get an ugly-one for a girlfriend? If he couldn't do better than you; then there's apparently no real threat. You're safe!
News flash, girlfriend! You'll never find a man with eyesight, with eyes only for you! Pretty-girls are always a stone's-throw away, in any direction; and they tend to place themselves in full-view. What's a straight-guy supposed to do??? You can see, and you can distinguish a cute-guy from an ugly one. He doesn't know what you feel or think, when you look at a guy more handsome than he is. He'd be an idiot to be jealous and upset about it, just for looking. You're human, and you're only accountable when you do something other than look at another guy. Pictures on screen?!! Seriously?!! Short of gouging his eyeballs out, what do you want him to do? He doesn't have to go online to follow pretty-women. They're all over the place! It's the ones who flirt with him you should be concerned about; and how he responds to it. Not pictures of women he has never, or will never, meet!
If you're both in your 30's, and he's so immature; then own-it that you've picked yourself an immature-boyfriend, who hasn't outgrown his online-idolizations. He's constantly scrolling girl-pics, and has too much idle-time on his hands! You spend a lot of time fretting over the fact you can't control what his eyes can see! You CAN control whether you KEEP him, or DUMP him!!!
I don't think age stops anybody from appreciating pretty-ladies, or handsome-guys; but online celebrities and influencers are hardly a direct-threat to you. These personalities count him as nothing more than a "like," or a knuckleheaded-follower. In reality, they are totally oblivious to his existence. They could trip over him a hundred times; and not know, or care, that he likes their pictures. He blends-in with hundreds of others, as merely a number to be counted for their vanity's sake. His captivation or fascination with their appearance is purely meaningless and superficial. If they're pics of females you both know, and you know he's a player, then why are you keeping him?
Let's put-it more simply. If you've talked to him about it, and he doesn't seem to care how you feel about it. It's up to you to put-up with it, and your choice to keep him as a boyfriend. It's one-thing to be threatened by women he can actually contact, meet, and/or actually spend his time with. It's another, when it comes down to nothing more than immature idol-worship. If he's too much of a man-boy for you; go find a man you don't have to nag into growing-up. You can't tell him what to do, or what to see with his eyes. He's not responsible for your insecurities. If you feel these activities adversely-affect your self-esteem; then dump him, and find a new boyfriend. Boyfriends and girlfriends are disposable and replaceable. Unlike husbands or wives, you didn't make vows to keep them.
If he refuses to give it up; then I guess you have to give him up. Nothing he sees will change what you look like. To other random-guys, you're somebody's eye-candy. If you post your image online, you don't know what these guys do when they see you. What's he supposed to do about that?
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (15 September 2021):
 All you can do is talk to him and tell him that you are not happy with him following and liking these people.
I know you not happy with it, but these people are celebrities, and you and i both know that he is never going to see these people in person.
He is in a relationship, and is following pretty celebrities online, if he is in your age bracket he is quite old to be doing this.
I know its different times, but when i was 16/17 i had a large poster on the inside of my wardrobe of Pamela Anderson. Did i ever think i would ever meet her, No. Would i have that inside my wardrobe now i'm in my 40's. NO.
Think you need to tell him he is in a relationship, and to grow up a bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2021): Set your boundaries and don’t be afraid to move on to a guy that doesn’t see women as commodities or ornaments
There’s decent people out there , you’ll get what you accept . Plenty of solid advice from women who are fed up with this type of sexist behaviour if you look around the net a little … or perhaps see a female counsellor who is well educated in sexism , double standards in social media etc and empowerment of women
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