A
female
age
,
*ammyG
writes:After living 20 years as a bachelor-loving single man, my boyfriend has decided he wants us to have a serious, longterm relationship. However, he doesn't seem to understand that now that he's in a relationship, he needs to give up some of his bachelor ways - especially where single women are concerned. Can I get some help explaining to him the boundaries?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PammyG +, writes (15 July 2008):
PammyG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses, I hope others will respond as well.
Just to clarify, we've been dating a year. He's been single for 20 years. I've met a lot of men, dated a lot of them as well and in my opinion, this guy is worth working through this IF we can set up the boundaries. At this point, he doesn't have an answer for me when I ask him to define the boundaries.
There's two main issues here... the first is his tendency to be self-absorbed. We live 700 miles away from each other, and I understand that while we are apart, he needs to fill his time and energies with the things he enjoys. But even when we're together, he thinks as a single man, not a couple.
The other issue is there seems to be no boundaries with single women. Being a bachelor, he has always spent much of his time with single women. He's partied like a single guy - with single women and he's spent time with single women on his boat. Now that we are a "couple", I feel that this is inappropriate. Whatever emotional/physical needs he's met with hanging out with single women, should be met within our relationship. Is it just me or isn't there supposed to be a difference in behavior between a single man and one in a relationship??
I'm not a prude by any means, I understand the necessity of having friends single or married. This issue goes beyond that. Does this make sense to anyone else?
Or is it like Lazyguy said and I'm being taken for a fool?
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Right, he been single for twenty years and you want him to change?
Good luck!
Not saying he shouldn't just that if he doesn't do it of his own when he is the one who decided to make this relationship more serious I don't think you got much of a chance. The words snowball and hell enter the mind.
Next up: Ten easy steps of changing the spots on leopards.
Next week: 3 easy tricks for old dogs to learn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): You shouldn't have to explain anything to him..in my option he is just testing bondryins with YOU. Just to see how much you will put up with. If he is that serious, then it is obvious, to give up the bachelor way. He may just be testing the water. Stand firm, and tell him how you you are filling. Best of luck Sweetie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): I actually can relate to your situation having gone out with a 40 year old bachelor with no past long-term relationship experience. My situation did not turn out the best, as we eventually went our seperate ways because he did not want to change his ways. What kind of bachelor ways does he not want to give up? Is it going to the bars or being engrossed in his own activities/spending time on his own? How long have you been seeing each other?
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A
female
reader, Cherulee +, writes (14 July 2008):
Actions are always louder than words, right! Tell him to show you how after 20 years his love for you is worthy of a serious relationship, and what would change in his opinion. It is of course healthy for him to continue his friendships, but in my opinion there are guidlines to the female relationships, but if they are obvious freindships and strickly that, it should be ok. I would not want a serious relationship with a male who is still seeing his exes or people he was intimate with, but that also depends on the situation and trust issues. Wow, 20 years, something must be there between the two of you.
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