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My boyfriend doesn't make any special efforts to make me happy!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2010)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hey all,

I m in a weird situation n dnt knw wat to do.

My boyfriend and I love each other and I know he cares a lot for me.But he is weird in many respects. Like he will not make any special effort to amke me happy. On my b'day this year..ofcourse he gifted me a diamond ring...but at d same tym didnt even bother to cut a cake for me.He wished me around at 12:15 even though he was wid me at dat tym.Main thing is...he didnt apologize frm his side for this genuine mistake which made me angrier.

most weird thing is..even though he remembered how and wen he proposed to me...but he forgot how and wen i said yes to him...n most importantly...he does not remember our first kiss. Most importantly....even if i reminded him later...he forgot for d third tym.I dnt knw how can someone forget...for d third tym too..He says he doesnt knw how he forgets.I m his first girlfriend!!

I want him to do special things for me..I tell him this directly as well as indirectly...but he never does.

because of these reasons...and small small issues..we fight a lot. I blame myself for all d fights but..i blame him for triggering my anger.he repeats d same mistakes again n again.

So...neither of us is happy. He does not seem 2 cahnge his ways...neither do I change d habit of fighting.

Wat do I do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

I sure hope that this is some cultural thing. A guy not cutting the cake for you, and not wishing you a happy birthday on the dot, are you serious? You know, you should break up with him... he does not deserve a girl as awful as you. Let him go be happy with someone else, jeez.

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A male reader, 11muds11 Canada + , writes (12 July 2010):

I'll try and be fair about this.

Men and women are different when it comes to stuff like this. It's normal for him not to remember how you responded to his proposal because his head was exploding with nervousness just by asking you. And men don't remember anniversaries and special moments like women do. It's not in our DNA.

Your expectations are too high. You have to tone them down.

And it's very good for you for him not to do everything perfectly right now to be romantic. Because when he does it later in life, it'll mean much more to you.

I'm not sure where you got the expecations about the cake. I've never heard that one before. He gave you a diamond and again I'm sure he was overly nervous about that. I think you've been listening to too many aunts or something like that for your expectaions. Give him time to get the timing to make you happy. If you push him, he'll get frustrated and always forget. Give him time.

Men are wired differently than women. There is no doubt that you're going to have to be in charge of anniversaries in the this marriage. Like most marriages.

Tone done your expectations and you'll be happy. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

A lot of men are like that. Forgetting special dates and stuff. Surely giving you a diamond ring counts for something.

Everyone has their own way of showing they care, so don't expect him to be like you, and look at what he does do, rather than what he doesn't.

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A female reader, Traycie United States +, writes (12 July 2010):

There are very few men out there that remember everything and anything but he is typical guy and he does love you and maybe he does make you happy but just not in a really huge way he seems like a simple person or shows his love for you in the smallest ways just give him some slack and think of all the stuff he does and the way he shows you his love for you

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A female reader, beautifulstruggle United States +, writes (12 July 2010):

Best thing to do is wait for him to change.

I'm going through the same. My boyfriend doesn't make me feel special. He did before but he's so stress out on work and family problems now that he doesn't bother how i feel now. He asked me to give him space so I'm going to.

Both of us just wants to feel special and loved by our boyfriends. We cant do anything. We can talk and fight and argue to them, but they wont change. All we can do is wait on them to change and love them. But if nothing changes after months then i guess its time to leave him.

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A female reader, KatieSamantha United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2010):

is he a true boyfriend?think about it.i asked my boyfriend when he asked me out and he said some random date.but once i told him he remembered it.he makes me feel special says he loves me all the time.comes behind me and kisses and cuddles me.he makes me feel wanted and loved.

does your boyfriend love me my boyfriend is perfect.his one of a kind but not all men are perfect but you can tell which boys want you and love you and try and make an effort even if they don't show it to the ones who just can't be bothered.take some time away tell him how you feel and see if he comes to sense.if not his not worth it.x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

Guys just don't remember things like that. They depend on us to remember anniversaries, etc.

Your boyfriend gave you a diamond ring. But he didn't give you a cake. Wow. What a bad guy. Maybe, after spending so much money on a diamond ring for you, which by the way sounds to me like a special effort to make you happy, he didn't have any money left for a cake. Yeah, this guy should change his ways. What was he thinking?

You need to step back and realise you've got a good guy. What more do you want from him? I'd be thrilled if my boyfriend got me a diamond ring for my birthday.

Sounds to me as if this guy IS making efforts to make you happy. But he won't succeed because you're simply not happy with anything he does, and always see a problem. Cut him some slack. He's really trying. You could do a lot worse.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

He is making an effort!! You just will never be happy with what he gives because you want it all, but you can't have that!! No one can.!

Okay so you can be a bit upset he doesn't remember your first kiss but not everyone has an amazing memory!!

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