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Sex isn't that great and I'm looking at pretty girls but I have a girlfriend

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 July 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *am2010 writes:

Hi im 38 years old and my girlfriend is 25 years old we have been together more than four years the age different is not a problem for us i love her and she loves me she is my best friend i can see us have kids together and get old together sex is ok not grate but it was like this from the beginning and we don't care about sex that much till recently that if i see a nice girl i want to be with her i dont know maybe just for sex but my heart doesn't let me go for it i don't want to hurt her or tell her about this feeling i talked to few married friends and they all say the sex its not going to be the same as your first years of your relationship and its normal to be attracted to a pretty girl and want to be with her i dont know what to do i care about her and if i think this is the fact and i have to deal with it i'll do but if it's not right and she deserve to be with someone else im willing to break up with her which is the hardest think for both of us many thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010):

You're welcome, Sam. Pm me anytime you feel stuck or unsure at any point. I'll be very glad to help.

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A male reader, sam2010 United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2010):

sam2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all specially PuzzleSolver

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (12 July 2010):

Sounds to me you´re not really ready to commit. Or maybe you have unrealistic expectations.

The thing is people go into relationships with their pink glasses on, in a ruse caused by the chemicals in their bodies/brains. And then they expect it to last. As with a high from drugs, after a while it´s over and then you have to face what is left.

That´s why friendship is so important in relationships. You need something more than just attraction and a crush to keep a relationship going. You need something that makes it worthwhile to stay together after the high wears off from when you two got together.

It's normal to be attracted to other people. I mean, we all appreciate beauty. However, consciously thinking about how much you'd rather be with a stranger than your current gf...That isn't right.

Also, don't just accept the problem as something that cannot be solved. If sex isn't great, make it better! Try new poses, get her involved in making sure you both have a good time. Guidance is the key here. She's not telepathic, so if it's not working for you, you need to show her what is! And take your time in making it enjoyable for her too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

Don't worry, you're not alone. It's not that you're unhappy because something's missing in your relationship.. not at all.. You know in your heart, as you said, that you feel content and sure about remaining with this girl long term. So if you felt that sure from the start, as I did with my wife, you know there's no going elsewhere, unless you ruin what you have now. That's what makes you feel there's something missing.. It's because you have a happy, content life, that you know is going in the right direction, so temptation will come and try to pull you away from that, ALOT. The happier you are, the more you'll question why you're that happy, and what you're possibly missing..or who. The grass will always seem greener on the other side, no matter who you run into, but that's because unless you know the other people as well as you know your girlfriend, you won't know how many faults, issues or sexual downsides they may have. And trust me, they're human, so they all come with downsides, ugliness and boredom, whether externally or internally, mentally or physically, as much as looks may deceive us. It would be exactly the same way for a girl being tempted by other guys and what there might be for happiness or substance. Just think of it that way each time you see someone else and question yourself, because those negative realities come with everyone, and fate brought you and your girlfriend together. For that reason alone, you most likely won't find better pastures than the happiness and beauty you have now. Your girlfriend may not exhibit the immaturity or weakness of some of the other girls you see, which can make you question things, but that's a huge bonus, and you don't want immaturity either.. if some of these other girls look too happy, you have to question how serious they take their life, and how immature or careless they might also be.. just some traits to compare when your mind starts to really think too hard.. You can control those thoughts and live a happy, loving life with your strong girlfriend, but it's your decision whether you can be the strong person you have to be to maintain the relationship when temptation tries to pull you away from her.

It IS possible, and as you grow older, more and more experience with seeing how it affects other peoples' lives will ensure you that you're taking the right path in remaining by her side. I see that you love her alot, and that everything is going well, except for the feeling of being sheltered from what you could otherwise grasp, given the chance.

There are many ways to improve the sex you have with your girlfriend, so neither of you will feel you're lacking anything, and the rest seems fine, so be strong and work towards progressing slowly in your relationship, since it's already going so well. Try to work together with your wife, as a team, rather than on your own. You'll be surprised how much she'll understand you, and how she'll work with you, not against you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

Sexual energy will diminish in a relationship as time goes on, but it is replaced by deeper love...or sometimes, deeper sex. Sometimes both. Fact is, if you're eyes are wandering, you are not happy with some part of your relationship. You should try to find out what's missing and fix it. Maybe take some time away to let the fondness grow. THere are so many things to explore. There's also counseling, which isn't just for married couples, and in fact, having been through it, I think it's better for pre-marital advice than during. Talk to her first and let her know you feel things are not what they were. Help each other find the next step.

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