A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Before that, we were very close friends... and very intimate with each other. At first he would be so sweet and caring and he never said any mean things to me. I was like a queen. If I were to get upset, he would go out of his way to make it better. Now he will get upset and ignore me and not speak to me. Or he will get rude with me. I asked him to write me a love letter months ago. He said he would do it. We used to write each other back and forth all the time. Yesterday I brought it up and he said I was nagging when I haven't brought it up for months. I felt so hurt I started crying and contemplating about giving up on our relationship. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. I told him he's changed and is nothing like the guy I fell in love with. He said that he changed because before he felt like I would walk all over him. I told him I'm sorry he even feels that way and that now I am different and committed to the relationship much more than I was back then. I treat him like a king. I buy him presents and the other day I gave him a fill in book which I filled in called What I Love About You. He loved it and kissed me and hugged me... but I feel emotionally drained because he is no longer as affectionate, doesn't think to get me any random gifts...pays a lot of attention to video games or his cell phone. I feel so hurt and I have spoken to him about it numerous times. He said he can't promise a change in himself but that he does truly love me. He said that he is who he is now and he can't be that guy he used to be. Should I end this relationship?
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female
reader, Shamoos  +, writes (4 June 2010):
Dear lady,
Wish you are doing much better than late march:) and you are still with him. I was googlin myself about relationship and breakup tips, because my bf and I are not doing great lately..how sarcastic, it is a bit similar to your story too, we have been together for a year and he is changing, too..But i want to tell you something:
hate to see u sinking in a sea of doubts... and that's all what's happening with you and bashar.. you're not sure.. you're not seure.. and it's not ur fault.. it's his fault.. but it's your call.. you can change that.. and by the engagement descision things started to become more clear and secure..
about the change.. sweetie.. that is life.. it's sad but true.. and it's normal and natural.. each relationship has it's ups and downs .don't look back.. think of now.. give him love and take back love.. just don't give him too much :) and love your self in return.. it's that simple...
It is great to treat him like a king,, but sometime, u gotta treat him like a slave too.. there is something weird in men:they enjoy the challenge in the relationship, and the discovery thing. I mean dont always wear what he likes , even he does not like it, dont do your hair as he likes, have your own way, style and fashion, and yes, love and cherish yourself..go to the gym, learn a new language, work on your hobbies ..and spend good time with your friends. do not answer all his calls, show him you are not available, but (dont show this as a way to make him miss you) ( never make him jealous) act as you are busy with your real life,, and REALLY do this.. i almost forgot myself and was all into my bf..till he memorized me by heart and there was nothing new to add or make him run after me like before..
look at this great website for example:
http://newinformation.typepad.com/stopyourdivorce/2005/01/five_things_you.html
http://newinformation.typepad.com/stopyourdivorce/2005/01/five_things_you.html
When the other person is pulling away from you or wanting a divorce or wanting separation, they are almost automatically on the opposite side of any fence that they perceive you as being on.
So use the jujitsu. Go with them.
They think you’re stupid to be in love with them, because they have such a low opinion of themselves, whether they’re aware of this or not.”
I am sure he loves you, dont ask him a lot about this, a man loves a self-confident woman. look at the mirror, you are beautiful from inside and outside, believe in you..and be true to yourself, and time is the proof for all, believe me..and feel free to email me for any help or question 3
much love
Shams,
[email address blocked]
and yes... act like him.. don't be distant but be indifferent :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd of course, thank you to all of you for your answers. They are all equally appreciated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't see why you would think I'm living in a fairy tale. I'm not, not at all. I simply would like to receive as much affection as he used to give, and keep up with a bit of romance now and then. This is a big problem for me because I feel taken for granted.
Yes, I was an asshole in the beginning but because I was being selfish and naïve. I have gone through some serious change and try my hardest to be a good girlfriend. I feel as if he is holding on to a grudge, even though he says he is not. He always says the reason is because I walked all over him. I can see his point but I am no longer that way.
Of course I love him still. I love him for who he is and he is one of the most beautiful people I have gotten the chance to know. The only thing is that he is less affectionate and I am not sure what to believe anymore or if to believe in this relationship because I feel unwanted. Is this normal? Is this one of the stages of a relationship...?
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A
male
reader, Chargers85 +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I agree with tasmanian devil. It sounds like he's beginning to feel like he can neglect you and treat you however and you will still be there.
If you're thinking of ending the relationship..make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship and base your decision on that. Also try talking to him and let him know that you are looking for equal treatment and you want someone to show you affection. If he really truly loves you he will do anything to make it work. If there's no change..then leave him and find a guy who will give you what you want, but then again I don't know how much effort you're willing to put into it.
Try spending time apart..go out with your girls. Male the dude miss you. If he feels he's losing the attention he's getting he will come to you.
Hope it helps
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A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 It is clear that he is a changed man, but maybe instead of focusing on how he was, think about how he is, is there anything you love about him now, or is whats keeping you in the relationship who he was? More importantly you should think does he make you happy, is what you have, what you want out of a relationship. It shouldn't be like before he felt you could walk all over him and now you feel, he can walk all over you. It kinda seems as if he felt like he didn't an assertion over you before, but now he does and he likes it, like he's doing a permanent 'treat them mean keep them keen'.
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