A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I just got back together after 2 years. We have worked everything out about our past emotionally, but the physical part has not caught up. He did most of the damage in our past that makes him have more guilt than me. I was hurt more than he was, but yet I am able to forgive him first before he has been able to fully forgive himself for all the things he put us through. Basically, he cant seem to have sex with me. He doesnt have a problem getting an erection but when it comes to having sex with me he gets caught up in his head and cant even get pass making out. He says he feels like he isnt ready to go there yet because all the things he put me through rushes in his head and he cant feel sexual about me. He is not worried at all that this is a big problem. He is confident it will fix itself as he says he loves me very much and this it. We are the one for each other and we have made it through everything else. I have been trying to be patient, but I feel like I am the guy in the relationship. I just want to have sex with my boyfriend. I should be the one with the problem, but he is the one. Its making me feel like maybe its me that he just is not attracted to. Is there something I should be doing besides being patient? Could he just want to believe that I am the one, but his sexual urges are saying I am not the one? Is this common? Where can I get some support or guidance to make sure I am not alone and know we will come out of this ok?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): the past is that we were apart for 3 years. year 1 he had an on again off again relationship with one of my girlfriend. they both confessed to me after 3 months and both wanted my forgiveness and that he realized he didnt love her blah blah. year 2 was spent trying to get over what just happened. he wasnt with her anymore. we werent in communication either. also me trying to realize what they did had nothing to do with me and it was them needing to be selfish and do their thing no matter who got hurt. fine. left them alone. year 3 which i dont count is when i left the country and he realizes he wants to work towards us so we spent 1 year pen pal long distance friendship to work on rebuilding our relationship. this was exactly a year of courting and building trust and then we officially discussed in person that this was it and we are back together. so all emotional thoughts and hearts are healing. all that is left is the physical part in which he is confident will fix itself...im being impatient i know. i should be glad that he is taking this seriously and not rushing things, but i guess my question has no answer, how long should i wait and if there are some steps i should take to speed things up or not?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; I can understand your sexual frustration however I find it very difficult to give you advice as " I don't know what problems you had in the past and what images he is dealing with";
However
with the limited information available it sounds as if his sexual performance is affected by psychological problems that could be related to past "issues"; in which instance I suggest he should go for counseling and if need be it might be worth for both of you to go for a few sessions of counseling.
I hope this is of assistance.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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