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female
,
anonymous
writes: I love my boyfriend and we have been with each other for 3 years. It has been his goal to wait for sex until marriage, but lately things have been getting a little heated. Both of us have tried other methods like handjobs and oral but he doesn't feel he wants to wait anymore. Neither do I but I am afraid he may regret it. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): Wait.
You both waited this long for a reason. If this is because of his believes regardless if it is influenced by religion or not; he came to you and told you what he wanted and expected and you must have supported him as you both waited three years.
Please say there is a ring on your finger. Please say there is a date. Please say you have looked inside yourself and know what will make you happy. Now look inside of him and know how he is...what will make him happy?
I think because you both let the idea of a possible marriage lull you both into some comfort zone where you both can assume that having sexual relations and not penetration is "flying under the radar".
I know that if one goes against there own values and principles which they have decided themselves, to live by, will not bring you lasting happiness but only momentary happiness. Is this worth the attitude of saying, well, I love him and respect him but not enough to say lets step back and re-evaluate our relationship?
I say if you both truly love one another and plan for a marriage then wait. Set the date and wait. It is well worth it.
Guilt and remorse over fulfilling a sexual need for the moment is not worth the heartache of years down the road.
Just because others live their lives where sex with someone they like and care about is okay with them and just because they can't wait for that special someone to share a most sacred and most special act with them does not mean this is for you and your boyfriend.
There is wisdom in my advice regardless if it is not something you want to hear.
Be strong for you and your young man and make a wise choice. I believe you want to.
Good luck and hope you can be happy with whatever choice you make.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe want to get married but it will probably be 2 years before we do because of finishing up all the important stuff.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 July 2006):
Will he regret it? Well that depends on his reasons for wanting to not have sex before marriage. What are his thoguhts in detail on the topic? Does he not want sex before marriage because he wants his first time to be with someone special or because he believe it is sometihng to only be done by a husband and wife...or soome other beleif? If it just so happens to be the belief that he thinks sex should only be for two people who love each other (not nessicerly married) then the chances of him regreting it I would say are slim, as you seem to be that person. But if his reasons have always been because of his religion or something then he might. But then on the other hand...if you two do get married and things work out, he probably wont ever regret it cause either way, he would of had his first time with the women he married and who is special to him.
Talk to him a bit more about his thoughts and if he can honestly predict that he wont regret it then why not go ahead?he cant hold you responsbile for anything that happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): You both have already been active and intimate. You just want to know if you should do penetration, yes?
Three years is impressive for you both and that showed considerable restraint.
I'd still say that you should take a breather and wait for marriage. Then your honeymoon can be an out of mind experience and all the more special.
The disappointment will not come from the moment itself but rather from the moment it is done and that you couldn't stick it out.
Did you two previously discuss a set date to be married? Are you engaged?
Seriously, you both are acting like you are committed to one another, get married and let us know the good news of the date so we can all give our congratulations.
Hope I offered you some insight on this.
Best of wishes.
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