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female
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anonymous
writes: Why does my boyfriend have to look at other women while we are having sex? He also does not like me to make eye contact while we are having sex. We have been together for 4 years and I have not yet experienced the intimacy that I need. He is a hard worker and we are both physically active, but I feel like the intimacy in our relationship is one sided.I have asked him about his need to look at other women and he says he has just always done it. I am in love with this man, however one sided desire is not what I need. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Curious as to what other women ? Where are these other women then ? Are you watching videos when you have sex, are they on posters, tv ? As far as the intimacy goes, tell him straight that you dont want him looking at other women, its you that hes with, its you that he should be looking at! If it is one sided ask him why he cant be directly intimate with you and make you feel special, is there something holding him back ? 4 Years is a long time not to be intimate on that level, and hes looked at other women all that time ? You have simply got to tell him its not what you want, try and get to the route of why he does it an tell him that he needs to stop or he will lose you... How awful that hes in those most itimate moments and hes looking at other women! Are these women celebritys ? Are they part of a fantasy ? Can he simply not open up with you for some reason. You need to ask why he feels he has to do it and tell him that you are really uncomfortable with it and that it needs to change, let him know how bad this is making you feel, give him the chance to stop and if he doesnt.. leave him to watching other women!
Take care x
A
male
reader, soulmasseur +, writes (18 September 2006):
Communication is every thing. In a solid relationship, also physical sensivity ,or what you think of as intimacy, plays a crucial role. Make him understand that you need to be stared at into eyes, that you while having sex are in dire need of touching and being touched. Remember that your problem is that your partner only believes in what I call mechanical, robotic sexual habits without required vitality, passion and animation. No other way ecept changing his mind-set to "enjoy" a warmer, more intense and less dry sex can help you both be back on the track.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): What a loser he is. Tell it it stops today or your out of there. If he refuses to stop go find a man who respects you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Understand that you trigger something in him. True intimacy is a scary thing for a man, we think we will be betrayed. He looks at other women as a protective mechanism to distance you from him.
The eyes are a place where nothing is hidden, and I speculate that he feels VERY vulnerable.
Try having a real conversation with him, about how you feel and acknowledge that it may be hard for him but it is time for him to evolve, and you are the woman to help him do just that.
I wish you well,
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (18 September 2006):
 You have to tell him how it makes you feel when he does this and be totally honest with him, ask him to at least try with the one to one intimacy with you because it may just be because he has always looked at other women he don't know if he can without that.
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